Pigskin Prophet: A Cloud over Columbia Edition

by Pigskin Prophet - Contributor - Oct 12, 2018, 3:27 PM

Thank goodness for cooler, and drier, weather.

Last weekend was one for the ages in good old Columbia. It rained – end of days and fury of the Good Lord kind of rain – for several hours. However, what was unsettling and kind of weird, was the fact that the storm cloud that brought the monsoon rains to Williams-Lee-Brice Stadium stayed right on top of the stadium.

The dude selling crack near the media parking lot? Dry. The people rocking the privacy pods in the Bojangles parking lot? Dry. The ever-present brawl at the tailgate between members of the same fraternity was even a relatively dry affair.

Over the playing surface, however, it was a mess. A rain of epic proportions. Meanwhile, two miles away there was bright sunshine. I guess it just goes to show you that the cloud which hangs over the program finally decided to unload. Or….maybe Mother Nature herself doesn’t like the Gamecocks.

Either way……

Now on to some picks, and if you get your feelings hurt, I am not sorry.

FLORIDA AT VANDERBILT

Hey, we see you Florida. The Gators saw a long-time winning streak against usual also-ran Kentucky come to an end, then turned around and defeated LSU, a team that many had penciled into the College Football Playoff simply because they are in the SEC. This week the Gators get their chance at Vanderbilt, a school known for being in Nashville. That about covers it, right? This is another stone-cold SEC smashmouth game (hahahaha). FLORIDA 24, BASEBALL SCHOOL 13

TENNESSEE AT AUBURN

The weather has turned nice. The air is cooler. If you have a chance to take your kids to the park or watch this game, go to the park. Seeing Little Jimmy fall down the slide is much better than seeing Gus get all weird on the sidelines as his team blows another game. Except maybe they won't blow this one. Maybe the offensive line will show up. Maybe Gus won't be dumb. It doesn’t matter. Go to the park. AUBURN 28, TENNESSEE 13

TEXAS A&M AT SOUTH CAROLINA

Williams-Sonoma-Lee-Brice Stadium should be dried out by kickoff, right up until the point when their gracious students start throwing water battles and flipping the bird at the Aggies. The Gamecocks won last week with Jake From Flop Farm on the bench, but have elected to let Daddy call the shots and put the should-be-in-ninth-grade kid back out there. Here is the skinny on this game – the Gamecock offensive line isn’t good enough to run the ball, and the Aggies are good at stopping the run. That means Jake will throw. A lot. And get pounded. A lot. AGGIES 31, GAMECOCKS 20

LOUISVILLE AT BOSTON COLLEGE

Pssst. Hey Bobby. Yeah, over here next to the volleyball net. Remember when you skipped town in the middle of the night and left the Falcons high and dry and left notes for the players in their lockers? You might wanna think about something similar here. Except don’t leave notes. Your players can’t read a playbook, a defense, or an offense. BOSTON COLLEGE 34, LOUISVILLE 16

GEORGIA AT LSU

The Cookie Monster said this about Georgia’s playmakers: RAH FAH MAH TUN TO FOR TAMMAH!!! GO TIGAHS!!! I agree, my friends, the Hairy Pups have a lot of players at the skill positions and they have an offensive line that can block. The defense is still suspect at times, but Kirby Smart has the local authorities on the payroll – they even let him run the State Senate and pass laws – and most of the players are eligible each week. That counts for a lot for a program that was once the Penal Colony of College Football. Dawgs win this week. GEORGIA 27, LSU 20

MISSOURI AT ALABAMA

Just no. Please. Just..no. Why even play this game? Missouri lost to South Carolina last week! How can they beat Bama? ALABAMA 51, MIZZOU 14

VIRGINIA TECH AT NORTH CAROLINA

The Hokies and Heels are the crazy ex-girlfriend. They are bi-polar and look good at times, but when they look bad they look really bad. North Carolina has struggled since they’ve been forced to make student-athletes go to class, and the Hokies have struggled because of quarterback issues. This one is played not in rocking Lane Stadium, but in front of Smythe and Harrison and Buffy, who all get to break out the sweater vests this weekend. Wine and cheese in the back of the Mercedes? Yes, please. Because no one wants to watch this. HOKIES 30, UNC 20

WISCONSIN AT MICHIGAN

In honor of Captain Khaki Pants, I didn’t eat any chicken this week. After last week’s storms, I am pretty sure that something is going on between the higher powers and anything associated with a chicken, so me and Jim Harbaugh are on the same page. As for Wisky, their offense is brutal to watch and Michigan’s defense is pretty solid. The Wolverines, named after the 80’s movie with Patrick Swayze called Red Dawn, also can score when they aren’t holding or being otherwise stupid. MICHIGAN 24, WISKY 20