Pigskin Prophet: ACC wandering all over the map, no free chickens edition |
Okay, so the Prophet is a little bit late. You’ll have to forgive me – I was traveling across the country looking for schools to add to the ACC.
As you know, this is my busy time and I’m usually in Columbia trying to help out the Gamecocks and their myriad troubles. My main goal all summer has been to try and find a way to keep Gamecocks fans in their seats after halftime, and we thought about a reward program where you sign into an app, turn on your location services, and for every quarter you stay in the stadium you get a live chicken. We did some test runs, and they failed. Epic failure. It turns out people don’t want live chickens unless they are cute and yellow, and the first few times we had people turn up and put four live chickens in their Ford Fiesta, the chickens went wild and tore up everything from skin to upholstery. Talk about Da Rude. But I digress. I was called away by the ACC, which is scared that Clemson and Florida St. and those sweater-wearing basketball fans in Chapel Hill will find a new home. The new commissioner wanted to add SUNY-Cortland and Albuquerque Technical College and the Coast Guard Academy, but he was talked out of it and I looked at some bigger schools. I made a recommendation they grow a pair and make Notre Dame join as a full-time member, then bring in those couch-burning monsters from Morgantown. But they didn’t grow a pair, and the couch burners want no part of playing any further west than Lincoln, Nebraska. So they added Cal, Stanford, and SMU. I can’t wait for the first time 12,000 orange-clad Southerners descend on Berkeley. Those poor people in their man buns and Birkenstock shoes with wool socks will be shattered, and you can bet there will be a protest of some sort the next morning. But until then, there’s football. SATURDAY EAST CAROLINA AT MICHIGAN Jim Harbaugh won’t be on the sidelines for this game, serving a suspension for serving terrible chicken tenders to recruits. Wait. No. It was for stuff that happened during the 2020 season, but he should be suspended for the horrible food they serve the best recruits in the country. If Harbaugh was on the sideline, I’d give ECU a shot. But with Harbaugh at home ironing his khakis, Blue rolls. MICHIGAN 45, ECU 10 COLORADO AT TCU The Deion Sanders era begins at Colorado, and his team will be a tad overmatched by the Horny Toads. Sanders overhauled his roster and brought in a bunch of kids that couldn’t pass muster at other schools, and most of the talent will be on the other sideline. Emotion might keep it close for a while, but TCU pulls away for the comfortable win. TCU 44, COLORADO 20 VIRGINIA AT TENNESSEE This one will get ugly. Fast. The Cavaliers have a good bunch of kids, but the offense is a work in progress, and the defense simply doesn’t have the speed to stay with the Vols. I know the point spread is 28, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that isn’t the spread at the half. TENNESSEE 47, VIRGINIA 9 NORTH CAROLINA VS. SOUTH CAROLINA Ah, the battle for mayonnaise supremacy. This one is hard to predict. The Gamecocks had a decent offseason and feel a little sparky, and they have Spencer Rattler returning to help lead the offense. But that defense will be porous. North Carolina has a great young quarterback in Drake Maye, and he has some weapons at his disposal, but that defense will be porous. This could be 38-36 at the half. It could be 6-3 at the half. You just don’t know with these teams. The good news? No free chickens, no matter what happens. SOUTH CAROLINA 37, UNC 35 SUNDAY LSU VS FSU Camping World Stadium hosts this contest. Florida St. held on late a year ago, and many have them favored to win the ACC and perhaps make the College Football Playoff. Florida St. is definitely better. But so is LSU, and they have a coach who can change his accent at a moment’s notice. That ability to make adjustments is what sets the LSU coaching staff apart. That and some really good playmakers along the defensive line. Another thriller. The Bayou Bengals by a field goal. LSU 26, FSU 23 MONDAY CLEMSON AT DUKE This one is hard to predict. Duke had a nice run last season but against some terrible teams. Duke finished with a nice win over UCF in the bowl game and enters this season with a ton of confidence. They also have the home field advantage at Rusty Wallace Outdoor Stadium. Clemson is a big unknown because of new offensive coordinator Garrett Riley. Will this look like the Clemson offense we’ve seen the past few seasons? Or will it finally look explosive? My guess is explosive. Like buying everything on the dollar menu at Taco Bell and then chasing it with Fireball explosive. CLEMSON 37, DUKE 17
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