Pigskin Prophet: Getting the chicken in a dress to Shreveport edition

Pigskin Prophet: Getting the chicken in a dress to Shreveport edition

by - Contributor -

The Pigskin Prophet got a promotion. No more carrying Gamecock Privacy Pods up and down I-26 and no more shuttling a former Clemson player that is now a Gamecock back to Clemson so he can see what a real team looks like.

I am now a scheduling coordinator.

Here’s how it happened – the threat of a hurricane forced the cancellation of the Gamecocks’ game against Marshall a few months back, and while that might not be a concern for some teams, it is if you really need to get to six wins so you can spend time with your cross-dressing chicken in Birmingham or Shreveport for the holidays.

That meant that South Carolina had to go out and find another game, and the obvious date would be the date of the conference championship games. The Gamecocks knew in advance that would be an open date for them – gotta remember that Missouri has been in the league a few years and already has two division titles so that date is pretty much always open.

The team turned to AD Ray Tanner to find a game, but he kept asking Dawn Staley to find an opponent and she’s too busy. The equestrian coach and the bass fishing coach also turned down his offers to find an opponent, so he contacted me, knowing I am a mover and a shaker.

I found a very likely opponent in NC State – they had a game canceled that day as well – but I was told it “has to be a team we can beat.” That narrowed it down to about 18 teams out of the 130 or so in the FBS, and I finally found one willing to travel – Akron.

I’ve already warned Akron about the chicken – the fake one and the real one – and the shower curtain tradition. They know what to look for. Now I can sit back and watch this weekend’s games.



Weak Florist entered the season with hopes of an ACC Atlantic Division title, and then they started playing games and those hopes disappeared. They even lost to FSU for crying out loud. Meanwhile, Dave Doeren has trouble with teams that wear orange, so the good news for him is that the Deacs wear gold and black and won’t have laptops on the sideline. Or will they? STATE 40, WEAK 24



Bobby Petrino stood in the tunnel outside in Death Valley after his beatdown at the hands of Clemson last week and smiled a weird smile. He watched Josh Belk walk by, pointed, but didn’t say a word until he was asked about the horrific loss. He didn’t have the words to express what had happened, and he will have a similar moment this week. The Orange are ranked 15th nationally in total offense and might throw up 80 points unless Dino calls off the dogs. Ugly. Just…ugly. CUSE 74, LOUISVILLE 26


Urban Meyer doesn’t look so good. When things started to go bad at Florida he looked this way, and one has to wonder if he’s in his last days at Ohio St. The Buckeyes desperately need a win, and even though the offense has been good the defense has been average. Average is good enough to beat Sparty, which has the offensive pulse of a Jason Garrett-coached team. The Bucknuts will score just enough. OHIO ST. 27, MICHIGAN ST. 20


Someone on the College Football Playoff Committee is smoking some serious ganja if they think the Gators are one of the best 15 teams in the country. The Gators are, like most SEC East teams, a hot pile of stinking garbage. Things got so bad in a loss to Mizzou last week that head coach Dan Mullen blamed the loss on the fans for now showing up. Ummm…what??????? Naked Shark Boy was better than this. The 1969 ACC Champions have feasted on two of the nation’s worst defenses – Ole Miss and Tennessee – to win a couple of games and get closer to Shreveport. Something tells me the chicken will need his dress to stay afloat in the swamp this week. FLORIDA 26, CHICKENS 20


Roy Williams has a great reputation, but Coach K went out and spent all that money on the best freshman class in all of college basketball. This one won't be close in Wallace Wade Outdoor Stadium. THE ZIONS 106, THE ROYS 82. Wrong sport? What? They play football? Stop it. They do not.


Ah, the mighty SEC. Here is how bad things can be. Take away Georgia, which has plenty of talent, and then take the best players from EVERY OTHER SCHOOL IN THE CONFERENCE and make an all-star team and they would lose to Bama by two touchdowns. Unless Jake Bentley is the quarterback. Then make it three. ALABAMA NAMES THE SCORE, MISS ST. 9


Miami was good until they weren’t. Mark Richt was average at Georgia and he’s proven to be that and less at Miami, playing musical chairs at quarterback and then making sure the veteran with no talent plays ahead of the younger, more talented guy. The slide continues as the chop blockers do their thing. CHOP BLOCKS 24, MIAMI 16


Everybody seems to think Willie Taggart is a good coach. But at the first sign of trouble he accused his players of quitting, when in reality the old white guy with the book showed more enthusiasm during the beatdown at the hands of Clemson. Taggart stood there on the sidelines, mouth open and a confused look, for three quarters then blamed the players. He promised 16 penalties wouldn’t happen again and they went out the next week and had – 16 penalties. This team is bad. The program is rotten. NOTRE DAME 31, FSU 17


The Tigers travel to Boston College to take on one of the nation’s best hockey programs. The fans who show up for GameDay – most of them will be Clemson fans – will be wearing hockey jerseys and wondering when lacrosse starts back. One thing about Alumni Stadium that is a given – it’s never full and it’s never loud and it’s basically a poor excuse for football, but the team always finds a way to hang with better programs. They actually have tradition, but someone forgot to tell their fans, who only worry about the puck in the crease. Trust me, the puck is gonna get in the proverbial crease really quick in this one, if you know what I mean. CLEMSON 37, BC 16

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