Pigskin Prophet: The Gamecocks, Red Bull, and poor FSU edition


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Pigskin Prophet: The Gamecocks, Red Bull, and poor FSU edition

A long road trip kept the old Pigskin Prophet away from this space last week. The University of South Carolina contacted me about driving a half-ton of Red Bull up to Greenville, NC, last week and placing it all in the visiting coach’s space at the East Carolina football stadium.

I didn’t make it back in time to do much of anything except watch football games all weekend, and what a weekend it was. I think I can recap it here – Ohio St. has no run defense. None. Whatsoever. And their fans want a new offensive coordinator and quarterback. Then we saw South Carolina narrowly – and I mean narrowly – escape disaster in Greenville by kicking a late field goal to beat what looks to be an awful Pirate team. Real pirates would scoff at this bunch. Even Mike Leach, the Pirate himself, wouldn’t like this team. But it took 59:59 for the Gamecocks to pull out the win.

And then I saw what the Red Bull was for – new head coach Shane Beamer’s postgame press conference was wild and wooly and kind of startling. Remember Will Muschamp glaring sullenly into the camera and then muttering monosyllable words? That is not Shane Beamer. He tried to head butt the camera. He was sweating everywhere. He was wild. He was talking fast. He was exuberant. He looked like he had inhaled about 200 Red Bulls. And he kept staring into the camera, trying to steal my soul. I had to turn it off.

I think it’s funny that South Carolina fans, for forever, made fun of Dabo Swinney for being a cheerleader. And then twice during the game last weekend, assistant coaches had to go and grab Beamer, who had dropped his headset and was clutching a Red Bull in one hand and a pom pom in the other and was leading cheers.

And then we have Florida St. Oh, Florida St. Chief Osceola has gone into hiding, and with good reason. The defensive coordinator missed a basic call. The offensive playcalling was, well, offensive, and the Gamecocks of Jacksonville, an FCS school, stole a win.

What a weekend. I hope this one is just as good.

FRIDAY

UCF AT LOUISVILLE

Ah, Louisville. The head coach wanted out so bad during the offseason that he begged South Carolina for its opening, but he forgot to drink Red Bull before the interview and wasn’t impressive. Since then, he’s lobbied for other openings but everybody wants to see what he does with the shell of Bobby Petrino’s former program. The answer, right now, is not much. They don’t play defense and the offense is a mess. And they are about to lose to UCF at home. On a Friday night. Yikes. Gus Malzahn with the win. UCF 38, LOUISVILLE 34

SATURDAY

GEORGIA TECH AT CLEMSON

Ah, good old Geoff Collins. In case you missed it, Mister Waffle House donned pads and a jersey and played scout team linebacker in practice last week because the Jackets are already running out of bodies. He was noticeable because he kept missing tackles with the WaHo coffee cup in his hand (rumor has it he never spilled a drop). This week, his brings his Bees into Clemson for a date with an angry bunch of Tigers. His Bees are, in true Waffle House fashion, going to get smothered, covered, scattered, and chunked. In that order. CLEMSON 48, WAHO 10

ALABAMA AT FLORIDA

Good old Nick Saban and Alabama. Word on the street is that his wife once took a baking class and learned how to make a fabulous cake for his birthday. She surprised him with the gift and he almost smiled, then told her 10 reasons why it wasn’t good enough. He then threw it in the garbage and told her to go back to practice. He stomped his little bitty foot and left. I guess that’s why he’s the best ever and Alabama is just boring. The Gators are dangerous, and if they get their playmakers in space they can make some trouble for the Tide. This one promises to be fun, and maybe more of a shootout than people think. But all the fun and games end when Nicky starts stomping that foot. ALABAMA 37, FLORIDA 30

FLORIDA ST. AT WAKE FOREST

The Seminoles have worked all week on how to make defensive calls – like going into a prevent late in games – and the offense has tried to work on just letting the quarterback play under center or in the shotgun instead of running the Wildcat all the time. Wake Forest has had two rather unimpressive wins, but they’re decent. The truth is, they don’t have the talent that FSU has. What they do have is a better culture and better coaching. That’s enough. WAKE FOREST 34, FSU 27

VIRGINIA AT NORTH CAROLINA

Let’s face it. This UNC team isn’t ready to barge into the College Football Playoff picture. Not even close. Virginia looked decent last week in dispatching Illinois with ease, while UNC just walked through a day in the park with Georgia St. Listen, I am not a big fan of UNC’s backers, and I think the Wahoos will keep this one close. The Cavs won’t win, but I bet they cover. UNC 27, VIRGINIA 24

SOUTH CAROLINA AT GEORGIA

The South Carolina offense is bad. The Georgia defense is good. Georgia is running out of quarterbacks. South Carolina has had to use a temp agency to find a signal caller. What a game. Actually, Luke Doty is supposed to be back under center (maybe?) for the Gamecocks this week, but it won’t make a difference. The Gamecocks have the kind of receivers you usually find at Newberry, the offensive line is atrocious, and they make dumb mistakes despite the Red Bulls given pregame and at halftime. Georgia wins this one going away. GEORGIA 45, SOUTH CAROLINA 6

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