Replies: 81
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All-In [40353]
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Has anyone here ever known or been personally involved
Jun 27, 2022, 12:05 PM
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with someone that had an abortion?
This topic generates so much passion and I'm curious as to what if any personal experience Tnetters have.
I'm not judging or trying to get anyone berated if they do. I'm also not asking for details. If you want to provide them, that's a you situation.
I'll go first. Mrs Fluff told me that I do know somebody that has had one. There were no more details provided other than I do know somebody.
I don't have any other personal experience (that I know of)
Honest question with no hidden agenda or strings attached. Again, I'm just curious because the topic creates so much controversy.
Trying to steer away from debate about whether or not you think it's right or wrong or any of that that has been covered more than once.
Simple yes/no and optional details if you feel it necessary
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Hall of Famer [21579]
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I have personal situation....
Jun 27, 2022, 12:11 PM
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my ex from 10 years ago went off birth control to switch brands. Of course we were still sexy timing it. She went home to NY for Christmas with her family for two weeks. She said she had to have a small medical procedure done while she was there but it was not a big deal and didn't want to go into the details. We were also technically on a small break up but still talking. When she came back to school after Christmas we officially got back together. Four months later she told me she had an abortion. It was crushing that she didn't want to tell me while it was going on and talk about our options. We officially ended our relationship after she graduated from college in May and she moved home to NY. I carried that for over a year without telling a soul. It was hard.
But I still believe in a right for the woman to choose. I just wish in my personal instance she would have included me in some manner.
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All-In [40353]
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that's deep
Jun 27, 2022, 12:27 PM
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other than being a part of the lunge, you seem to be ok
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Orange Blooded [2598]
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Re: I have personal situation....
Jun 27, 2022, 12:45 PM
[ in reply to I have personal situation.... ] |
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Sorry buddy! That happens fairly often most likely.
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Heisman Winner [119749]
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Hall of Famer [22393]
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3 teenage couple friends in the late 70s ended
Jun 27, 2022, 12:14 PM
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unwanted pregnancies with abortions. One was on the pill, one used a condom and one unknowingly used no protection. They were all 16 and 17 year olds at the time.
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Oculus Spirit [81078]
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I knew a girl in high school that had 2 abortions
Jun 27, 2022, 12:18 PM
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and one in college.
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All-In [27151]
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Message removed by Author
Jun 27, 2022, 12:20 PM
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Message removed by Author
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Oculus Spirit [81078]
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They all called her loose***
Jun 27, 2022, 12:22 PM
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110%er [7210]
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About 1 in 4 women have an abortion by 45
Jun 27, 2022, 12:22 PM
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So yes, we all probably know someone who has had an abortion.
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Lot o points [155973]
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Yep.
Jun 27, 2022, 12:24 PM
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I don’t get really personal on here—I’m a pretty private guy—but I’ve told this one before. Had a girlfriend at Clemson who had one and didn’t tell me until the procedure had already been done. That kid would be 26 this year and I’d be lying if I said I don’t occasionally wonder what they would have been like.
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All-In [40353]
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thanks for re-sharing***
Jun 27, 2022, 12:29 PM
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All-In [27151]
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appreciate the share.***
Jun 27, 2022, 12:31 PM
[ in reply to Yep. ] |
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Hall of Famer [20542]
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Re: Yep.
Jun 27, 2022, 1:07 PM
[ in reply to Yep. ] |
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I had a similar situation. Mine would be 18.
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CU Medallion [58438]
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Mine would be 45.***
Jun 27, 2022, 1:35 PM
[ in reply to Yep. ] |
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Rock Defender [54]
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Re: Yep.
Jun 27, 2022, 10:40 PM
[ in reply to Yep. ] |
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Oculus Spirit [81925]
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I have a close friend who was raped, the assaulter
Jun 27, 2022, 12:35 PM
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took off the condom without telling her, she wound needing to get one.
Despite several encouraging her to press charges, she didn't want to go through re-living the trauma.
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All-In [40353]
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that's brutal
Jun 27, 2022, 12:43 PM
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Can't imagine the mental hayull she did and continues to go through
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All-In [38514]
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Yes, but as a man I doubt I'd have much knowledge of what
Jun 27, 2022, 12:39 PM
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women I know or have known have done.
I will say that with our 2nd pregnancy on one of the early ultrasounds they found some signs of something that had a possibility of being severe. They said it was likely nothing but suggested testing the amniotic fluid to be sure. If it were an issue the doctor said that terminating the pregnancy could be her recommendation. I don't remember what the stated the odds were, but it turned out to be nothing. Had it been different I have no idea what our decision would have been, just really happy that we did not have to make that decision. But I believe that choice should exist. There is a lot more to this than just terminating an unwanted pregnancy.
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All-In [27151]
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I started to read a thread on Twitter about a woman whose
Jun 27, 2022, 12:44 PM
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child detached from the placenta and because was too young to be viable, was fated to slowly suffocate in the womb. The doctor encouraged her to get an abortion to spare her the experience. I had to stop reading the thread before I got to what she decided to do because that was way too heavy of a decision/experience and shook a relative stoic like me like little else has.
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Hall of Famer [22948]
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Those are good threads to learn
Jun 27, 2022, 1:50 PM
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So many assume abortion is simply a slutty woman problem. There are many nuances that people need to learn.
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All-In [40353]
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we definitely had that talk during both pregnancies
Jun 27, 2022, 12:48 PM
[ in reply to Yes, but as a man I doubt I'd have much knowledge of what ] |
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IF we had to make a decision like that for whatever reason, would we be ok to make a decision
We had a couple of answers for a few scenarios and definitely would have been second guessing in the actual moment.
Luckily, there was no need for any tough choices and I'm darn glad of it. I truly don't know how I would have reacted.
Everyone is different and I won't question how people handle their own situation if they need to do so
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Lot o points [155973]
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I know for my wife and I
Jun 27, 2022, 12:50 PM
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For our second child (this wasn’t readily available during our first pregnancy), we purposely didn’t do the Down’s screening because the choice wasn’t something we even wanted to ponder.
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All-In [40353]
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not going to lie
Jun 27, 2022, 12:54 PM
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we were both scared to death to be put in an immediate special needs situation. We were not prepared for that in any capacity.
Glad it turned out the best for you
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Lot o points [155973]
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Oh I get it and hope I didn’t sound preachy…
Jun 27, 2022, 12:56 PM
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Didn’t mean it that way. I was basically just saying that given the choice between having to make that choice and not having to make that choice, ignorance was truly bliss for us.
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All-In [40353]
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didn't take it the wrong way at all
Jun 27, 2022, 12:59 PM
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I respect the way yall approached it
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CU Medallion [58438]
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Yes. Very personally, with more than one person.
Jun 27, 2022, 12:43 PM
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None were pleasant experiences for any involved. They were legal abortions used to end unwanted pregnancies, as the girls/women involved decided not want to have the baby.
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All-In [27151]
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Message removed by Author
Jun 27, 2022, 12:46 PM
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Message removed by Author
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All-In [40353]
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based on some of these replies
Jun 27, 2022, 12:49 PM
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It definitely seems to stick with people forever
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Hall of Famer [22393]
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Don't you mean "anti-choice activists?"
Jun 27, 2022, 12:51 PM
[ in reply to Message removed by Author ] |
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I agree that the vast majority of abortions are the results of decisions made with profound though and emotion and the consequences follow the woman and her partner to some degree forever. Most will never know all of what went into the decision.
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All-In [27151]
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There is a presence of inhumanity in the rhetoric of
Jun 27, 2022, 12:54 PM
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both sides.
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Hall of Famer [22393]
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I understand that, but your statement is a response to
Jun 27, 2022, 12:58 PM
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the anti-choice crowd when they try to dehumanize women who make such a difficult decision, in my opinion.
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Lot o points [155973]
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We get it already.
Jun 27, 2022, 12:59 PM
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You lack the ability to be anything other than one-sided. Move on if you’re just attempting a “go team!” moment.
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Hall of Famer [22393]
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Good Lord dude. Just trying to have conversation
Jun 27, 2022, 1:05 PM
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and he made the exact point about pro-choice people that I have made as more of a criticism of the anti-choice crowd.
For a person who pretends to be so self aware, you are remarkably self unaware.
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Lot o points [155973]
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No, he literally pointed out that both sides are guilty
Jun 27, 2022, 1:08 PM
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And right on cue, you come back with “No, no, no, the OTHER side is WAY more guilty than. MY side.”
You are such a politics-as-team-sport enthusiast that you have lost any and all ability to be empathetic. The mindset, prevalent on both sides, is why we are where we are as a society today, so forgive me if I’m less than tolerant of your antics.
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Hall of Famer [22393]
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For a guy who professes not be a member of any team, you
Jun 27, 2022, 1:09 PM
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sure do wear your cheerleading outfit proudly.
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Lot o points [155973]
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I’m gonna stop discussing this with you in this thread
Jun 27, 2022, 1:11 PM
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Primarily out of respect to an otherwise good thread, but secondarily because I’m completely shook from your use of the “I’m rubber, you’re glue” defense.
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Hall of Famer [22393]
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What do you think I meant by "I understand that...?"***
Jun 27, 2022, 1:13 PM
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All-In [27151]
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Lot o points [155973]
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Yes. The old delete functionality was awesome.***
Jun 27, 2022, 1:18 PM
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All-TigerNet [13156]
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Re: This is where the pro-choice activists really do a
Jun 27, 2022, 12:55 PM
[ in reply to Message removed by Author ] |
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if only as much thought went into the act that caused the "problem".
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All-In [27151]
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Your opinion is neither needed or welcome in this thread.
Jun 27, 2022, 12:56 PM
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Be a man and show yourself out quietly.
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All-In [40353]
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don't take this topic off track
Jun 27, 2022, 12:58 PM
[ in reply to Re: This is where the pro-choice activists really do a ] |
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there are some really interesting anecdotes going on and I never would have thought this topic would be so civil and eye-opening
Don't spoil it for the rest of us
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CU Medallion [58438]
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It's both. I also know women who hated to do it, but pretty
Jun 27, 2022, 1:04 PM
[ in reply to Message removed by Author ] |
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easily accepted that it would fix their "problem", and did it and moved on without batting an eye. I'm sure they didn't enjoy it, and they probably wouldn't want to do it again, but would in a heartbeat if they needed to fix that problem again. It really depends on the person.
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Orange Blooded [2598]
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Re: Yes. Very personally, with more than one person.
Jun 27, 2022, 12:49 PM
[ in reply to Yes. Very personally, with more than one person. ] |
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I assure all of you that you know women that have had them. You just don’t know who they are. I know several personal situations but I have never told anyone about either. The 1st one was a friend that happened close to 40 years ago. I will never betray their trust.
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All-In [40353]
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good for you
Jun 27, 2022, 12:56 PM
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some things are better left unsaid
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Lot o points [155973]
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Hall of Famer [24477]
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Yes, one close family member, one almost became a fiance'.
Jun 27, 2022, 12:49 PM
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The experience of knowing those two quite closely demonstrated what we already know, that who they are is independent of what one personally feels about either abortion or its place as a state vs constitutional matter.
I can't say this is true for all women who have had one, but both of those would say, "The experience is in the top three of things I wish had never happened." Would they do it differently if given the chance? Don't know. Would they make sure the pregnancy couldn't occur? Absolutely, not merely as general principle but to avoid the abortion.
In other words, what is done is done. Can't recross that bridge, so there is no room for judgement. How the woman reconciles herself to what has happened is another subject, but each is no more or less guilty of transgression than any of us are. They need to know that we know that.
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CU Medallion [58438]
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Re: Yes, one close family member, one almost became a fiance'.
Jun 27, 2022, 7:53 PM
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Let's see ... one close family member, one that almost became a fiance' ... are you me? LOL!
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Lot o points [155973]
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Sounds a little McLovin too.***
Jun 28, 2022, 8:49 AM
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All-In [26698]
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Yes
Jun 27, 2022, 1:01 PM
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At the 18 week mark (or thereabouts, whenever the standard genetic testing was done), it was discovered the baby had some sort of rare disease that would leave zero life expectancy upon being born, if it even made it that far. They decided to terminate because it could have been a danger to her as well as knowing the baby would not live.
Terrible time for all.
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CU Guru [1316]
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Re: Has anyone here ever known or been personally involved
Jun 27, 2022, 1:02 PM
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I know somebody who survived an abortion, with advanced brain damage.
He babbles 24/ 7 in the WH to this day!
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All-In [27151]
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RA'd***
Jun 27, 2022, 1:05 PM
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Orange Blooded [2598]
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All-In [31907]
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All-In [31907]
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*you're a****
Jun 27, 2022, 2:47 PM
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Oculus Spirit [81925]
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All-In [27151]
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Whatever he is paying in membership, I'll be happy to match.***
Jun 28, 2022, 9:03 AM
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110%er [9667]
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While at CU, a close friend confided that she had an
Jun 27, 2022, 1:10 PM
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abortion fairly recently. She was distraught by the thought that she had killed a baby. It is a heck of a decision to have to make.
I'm 100% sure it happens much more than we "hear". It's not the kind of thing you post on Facebook...
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Hall of Famer [20542]
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Re: While at CU, a close friend confided that she had an
Jun 27, 2022, 1:15 PM
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It does.
I know of at least a half-dozen myself, and if I've been told that often, I'm morally certain I probably have met a great many others who didn't talk about it with me.
My experience...a girl will usually take care of it with her mom or her best friend on the D/L, and seldom talk about it again.
Nobody likes it. Almost all felt it was necessary. A couple of the situations I was aware of were incredibly ugly and there was no good outcome to be had. (One was a congenital disease, the other was both r-ape and incest.)
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Oculus Spirit [83131]
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Maybe. I Never found out whether it was the truth or not.
Jun 27, 2022, 1:12 PM
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When I was in the USAF stationed in Germany, I was dating an Australian girl who lived in Amsterdam.
She told me she wanted to move to Bitburg to be near me and I told her not to as I was about to return to the States after two years, and that I thought I wasn't ready for marriage. Obviously, this broke us up.
She called me a few weeks later and told me she was pregnant. We discussed this and came to the conclusion that an abortion would be for the best. She told me that she would pay half if I did. I mailed her a check for $200.
This girl wasn't exactly poor but for some reason I felt she wasn't being honest. I guess I'll never know.
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All-In [31907]
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Yes (was not my baby)***
Jun 27, 2022, 1:26 PM
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Orange Blooded [2693]
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Re: Has anyone here ever known or been personally involved
Jun 27, 2022, 1:34 PM
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Someone close to me had one. She was a Catholic girl who went to a Catholic school where a couple of the nuns helped the girls with these kind of issues.
The experience was so horrible and traumatic for her that she became about as anti-abortion as one can be while still supporting the idea of a woman's right to privacy and body autonomy.
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Hall of Famer [22948]
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Yes. Unfortunately a bunch
Jun 27, 2022, 1:39 PM
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I know married couples that desperately wanted another child, yet the cells never developed. Medical 'abortion' pills were needed after their miscarriage or very early stage pregnancy that never thrived. All eventually had additional children.
Others were unwanted pregnancies from very conservative families. I know a pastor's wife that had one before they married. Another pastor's daughter that had one. A few politician and business leader kids.
In every instance the women and families were emotionally invested and made heart wrenching decisions.
Curious to see the upcoming decisions on IVF treatments and discarding fertilized eggs.
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Hall of Famer [24117]
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Re: Has anyone here ever known or been personally involved
Jun 27, 2022, 2:01 PM
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Yes - and unfortunately she was not able to have children afterwards
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All-In [34113]
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Yes, at least 2 people.***
Jun 27, 2022, 2:08 PM
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110%er [9035]
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Re: Has anyone here ever known or been personally involved
Jun 27, 2022, 2:29 PM
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yes
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Orange Blooded [3520]
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Re: Has anyone here ever known or been personally involved
Jun 27, 2022, 2:32 PM
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I don’t know for sure, but suspect that I do. They would get no judgement from me.
I would like to say that it is nice to see the empathy, respect, and lack of judgement in this discussion…aside from a couple of the usual suspects, who just can’t seem to help themselves.
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All-In [40353]
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it is kinda refreshing isn't it?
Jun 27, 2022, 4:30 PM
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That's why I tried to address it in the OP to keep it on topic and not the typical politics getting involved, I don't really care about that part.
I'm actually surprised at how many people are very directly involved.
Group hug day for the jounge!
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All-In [27151]
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Definitely one of those that reaffirms the adults from the
Jun 27, 2022, 9:40 PM
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kids.
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Legend [17803]
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Yes
Jun 27, 2022, 2:32 PM
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A girl I seriously dated in my late 20’s told me she had an abortion her senior year in college. She cried when she told me but cried because she said she would make the same choice again. I loved her deeply and that new information did not change a thing. Actually her sharing that dark area of her life made us even closer.
A year later on an unrelated note, I screwed things up and we broke up. She is now happily married living in Atlanta, has her kids and a great career. I guess she still has guilt if she ever allows herself to think about it but I would be surprised if she still wasn’t comfortable with her decision.
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All-TigerNet [10964]
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Re: Has anyone here ever known or been personally involved
Jun 27, 2022, 6:27 PM
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I took a friend to a clinic for one because the father didn't care and she was probably too embarrassed to tell her Mom. I know it was hard for her to make that decision. Not only do most feel guilty in some way, but the bombardment of verbal abuse the women get at the clinics is unbelieveable. It just adds to their misery. A not so pleasant but very enlightening experience to say the least.
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All-In [40353]
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Care to elaborate on the verbal abuse?***
Jun 27, 2022, 10:20 PM
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All-TigerNet [10964]
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Re: Care to elaborate on the verbal abuse?***
Jun 28, 2022, 12:02 AM
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Only one other person has ever heard this before I posted it here. I'll leave it at this, real Christian's don't say the things to people they were saying to her and names she was being called (slut, #####, trash, killer, and on and on), all while waving and pushing signs everywhere. It was chaotic. I finally had enough of the name calling and having no idea what sex the baby was, I told one of the younger Catholic protesters (per his sign) yelling at her that at least this one that won't grow up to be molested by a Priest. He dropped his head and turned away. That was the last thing he said but the rest continued on with the verbal assault and sign waving.
When it was over all she said was it was horrible, painful and it was a girl, then she rolled down the car window and had a few choice words for the protesters as we drove onto the street. Some years later she passed away from cancer. Although, after that day, I never heard her say another word about it. I was just the driver and it impacted me. I can't imagine what she went through physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Message was edited by: saddis56®
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All-In [40353]
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that's awful
Jun 28, 2022, 9:26 AM
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glad she got some choice words in for them and your priest comment!
thanks for sharing, hopefully you know I wasn't pressing you to say something and just curious about the experience
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Oculus Spirit [97746]
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No but women don't talk about that.
Jun 27, 2022, 7:26 PM
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I remember someone came in our high school to talk about abortions. She assured us many girls in our HS had them. She was with DHEC or something and would know. Anyway everyone looked around and no one said a word. But no... Not a single woman/girl. But I know I know some who did just wont ever know.
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All-In [44055]
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I know several women who had an abortion.
Jun 27, 2022, 11:33 PM
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Two were raped, and the other wasn’t.
All three were young and didn’t feel ready to be a mother.
All three found it incredibly hard to do.
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All-In [29877]
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Re: Has anyone here ever known or been personally involved
Jun 28, 2022, 4:13 AM
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Several. Family and friends.
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All-In [47750]
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We had to consider it due to some complications with the
Jun 28, 2022, 7:30 AM
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pregnancy. We chose not to.
We now have a beautiful (Miss Daniel Freshman and Junior class) daughter who just graduated and is now getting ready for Winthrop this fall.
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All-In [40353]
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scary sitch to be in
Jun 28, 2022, 9:28 AM
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glad it worked out
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All-In [40656]
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A girl I dated in college, right before Red
Jun 28, 2022, 9:38 AM
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Had an abortion in the relationship she had before me. She was super Christian, too. It ruined her emotionally and at the time, she said it was the largest regret in her life. She is now married and has a pretty successful career. I struggle to think she would be where she is if she had not gone through with the abortion.
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Oculus Spirit [81078]
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I knew a girl in college that used it as a shakedown
Jun 28, 2022, 9:41 AM
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for dumb college boys. She would go downtown and get drunk, bang a couple dudes a week, and then later tell all of them she was pregnant, and needed money for an abortion. She was stringing 3-4 along at a time. This was in teh 90's--she was probably making $600-$1000 month.
Oh, and my roommate knocked up some rando and she had to get an abortion. I walked in on them going to town once and later asked him if he was using any protection, and he just smiled. I knew what that meant. Later, he found out too.
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