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All-In [42507]
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The Art of Public Pooping
Apr 27, 2021, 2:38 PM
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I've never had a problem with dropping a deuce in public, although my wife is one of those people completely adverse to it unless she is left with no choice. I've never understood why some people are scared of it. Maybe with some women, it's a pride thing. But I do have some basic ground rules:
-I won't ever rush it unless it's a dire emergency. I like to take my time. Settle in a little. This rule dictates many of the other rules below. -If it's a bar or restaurant with just a single toilet, I'll look for another opportunity. This is out of courtesy to the other patrons. -If possible, I won't occupy a stall beside one that is occupied. Again, a courtesy thing. -No problem doing the business with an audience, but probably won't let the full capability of the artillery fly until the room clears. -Prefer to avoid Portajohns, but if it's gotta happen, it's gotta happen. -Airports are great opportunities because you blend in with the herd. -If behind a door and not a stall, I'll give a warning throat clear when I hear a person approaching. It's amazing how many people don't knock, and one time had a bad episode when a lock didn't work properly. -If at a hotel with the wife or on a work trip with a colleague, I'll sometimes opt for the lobby out of courtesy or just to not hear her complain. If it's one of my bros, too bad. You get the full fury in the room potty. -Always check the TP dispenser before popping a squat -If there's a line for pooping for some reason, get out. Something is wrong here. Unless it's a Brazilian steakhouse. That's normal.
Proudest public pooping venue: Alcatraz Greatest missed opportunity: West Wing of the White House. Really had to go but had a group waiting on me and the tour time was limited.
Feel free to add your own.
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CU Medallion [66472]
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JFC, Murc
Apr 27, 2021, 2:39 PM
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errrrrr Catahoula®
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All-In [40970]
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Public toilets are nasty
Apr 27, 2021, 2:40 PM
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my bathrooms are clean
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All-In [43615]
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I've pooped in: Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota,
Apr 27, 2021, 2:45 PM
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Buffalo, Toronto, Winslow, Sarasota, Wichita, Tulsa, Ottawa, Oklahoma, Tampa, Panama, Mattawa, La Paloma, Bangor, Baltimore, Salvador, Amarillo, Tocapillo, Baranquilla, and Perdilla, I'm a killer.
I've pooped everywhere, man. I've pooped everywhere, man. Pooped the desert's bare, man. Pooped in the mountain air, man. Poop travel I've had my share, man. I've pooped everywhere.
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Heisman Winner [136070]
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Having read through your manifesto, I was taken aback at the
Apr 27, 2021, 2:46 PM
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lack of any reference to employing the Primate Feces Fling. It seems like as in-depth as you went with a poop proclamation, this particular maneuver would have been addressed.
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CU Medallion [55976]
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APM doesnt consider what you describe to be "public" pooping
Apr 27, 2021, 2:53 PM
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What you are describing is using toilets away from home.
For APM, public pooping is doing it AL FRESCO. No terlet, no terlet paper, no nothing. Just squat and pop.
And for the record, APM enjoys a good al fresco poop. He's done it many times.
($1 to Hangover III)
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All-TigerNet [13374]
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Only near/ in a river or crick
Apr 27, 2021, 7:01 PM
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In the warmer months...
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Hall of Famer [24424]
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Re: The Art of Public Pooping
Apr 27, 2021, 3:14 PM
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You need to learn a thing or two from Stubborn
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Oculus Spirit [79304]
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You're way to kind
Apr 27, 2021, 3:23 PM
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I've hovered over a Bi-Lo terlit and spray liquid stink ever where. Pretty sure someone had already chundered in there earlier butt I had to get those demons out no matter what and that terlit/ground was on the business end of that transaction. Better than my pants.
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All-In [38514]
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I've pooped in Libyan airspace.***
Apr 27, 2021, 3:26 PM
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Oculus Spirit [83238]
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But is being in a public stall really in public? Pull the
Apr 27, 2021, 3:31 PM
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stalls down and then brag.
The last place I remember doing it with no stalls in front of people was at the Sebring race about 20 years ago.
The worst ever was in a bar in Germany with six inches of water on the floor, but there was a stall.
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Oculus Spirit [79304]
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Sebring race
Apr 27, 2021, 3:32 PM
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what it a race for poor men and women who just want a convertible at any cost? Horrible car.
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Hall of Famer [21594]
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If you don't know the TP is out before you sit down....
Apr 27, 2021, 3:31 PM
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then you're not cleaning with it prior to sitting down and you may get herpes.
I thoroughly enjoy the public pewp....my goal is to make it smell so bad that no one can tolerate being in there with me and then its unusable for a few hours. #success
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Lot o points [156364]
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I'm sure that was a wonderful post. I'm not gonna read it.
Apr 27, 2021, 3:47 PM
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Don't pewp in public. No need to. No desire to.
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Oculus Spirit [79546]
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The best way to poop in public is to not poop in public
Apr 27, 2021, 3:47 PM
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I have made it 33 years in this world, and I can probably count the times I've pooped in public on one hand. Had an emergency at Bounty Land in Seneca once that I can think of, all of the other times I must have been drunk and don't remember.
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All-In [42507]
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Had to Google "Bounty Land"...
Apr 27, 2021, 3:49 PM
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Wasn't what I expected.
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Lot o points [156364]
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Legend [16374]
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Re: The Art of Public Pooping
Apr 27, 2021, 3:59 PM
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Carrying a rolled up newspaper or magazine along with you is a great way to signal to the rest what's coming up. It's a fair warning.
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CU Medallion [54759]
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PPPV for me?
Apr 27, 2021, 5:11 PM
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top of the Empire State Building.
spent saturday night in a hotel room w/ 3 other dudes, after a whole day of drinking and assorted food. There was a sliding glass 'barn' door on the bathroom, that when closed still had a 2" gap between it and the wall. Obviously, no lock, either...
Somehow, Someway, no poops occurred.
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All-In [40376]
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When I’m on the road for work
Apr 27, 2021, 6:54 PM
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I always stop at a hotel and find the hidden stall not in the immediate lobby
I walked in on a large man of color at the gas station in McClellanville, that was awkward
Porta john’s at Bonnaroo were the cleanest I’ve ever used....in the morning
Checking the TP switch is clutch
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110%er [6155]
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I typically do the hover manuever; however, this can be
Apr 27, 2021, 9:21 PM
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somewhat precarious as the the splash is larger.
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Hall of Famer [22389]
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this was never a problem for me... I'm regular as rain, as they
Apr 27, 2021, 9:46 PM
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say. I always get up early, usually around 5, regardless... weekends, on vacation, whatever. First thing I do is make coffee and smoke a couple of cigs. I guess between the caffeine and nicotine... things start moving. By about 6:30, I'm sitting on the throne. And I take my one poop for the day. I'm done. No big deal if I'm working from home of course, but all those years I had to go into the office, never had to poop at work, unless I was sick or something.
I can probably count on one hand the number of times I had to poop at work. And I'm 64 years old. Just never had to. I was done done long before heading into the office...
I don't know if that's normal or not, and really don't care. I just know it was always a blessing to not have to use a nastyazz bathroom where God-knows-who's rotten butt has been on it already. And that's a nice office building toilet, not even talking about a gas station bathroom...
I always felt sorry for those guys with stomach problems that had to hit the toilet 3 or 4 times a day... jeez, what do they do on a long trip, or vacation? That must suck.
edit: Another huge bonus to my schedule is that I'm always taking a shower after pooping. That's why the old saying is "chit shave & shower". In that order. I'd hate to take a shower, be perfectly clean, and then poop. You pretty much need another shower after that...
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All-In [48023]
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Courtesy Flush.
Apr 28, 2021, 8:08 AM
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ALWAYS courtesy flush
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CU Medallion [60277]
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I've told my story on here before about being the shy pooper
Apr 28, 2021, 8:46 AM
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been a year or so now, so I'll share again......
Went into a rural station off SC I-26 after vehicle fill-up to empty bladder before continuing my cross-state journey. One throne, one urinal, typical small convenience store set-up. Unbeknownst to me, there was a shy silent type in stall. Did my business, washed hands, nary a peep out of shy man, no grunt, throat clear, foot tap, anything announcing his presence.
Well, the light switch by the door had one of those "Save energy/turn off light when you leave" stickers. So I complied.
As I was traipsing through the cracker aisle towards the exit, I heard the horrified scream of not-so-shy-anymore guy, who was now destined to finish his business in a black-dark, unfamiliar gas station restroom. I did not turn back. I did not choke back the laughter either, as he totally deserved his fate.
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Oculus Spirit [98017]
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Reminds me of a potty-training story
Apr 28, 2021, 8:48 AM
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Just recently our youngest was potty training. He had ruined his training underwear so I plopped him on the toilet and went to clean up the underwear. Rinsed off underwear and came back. Gone maybe a minute.
He was sitting on the toilet, facing the back, and on the lid he had drawn some "artwork" with poop. I came in and he smiled and proudly showed me his finger painting.??
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All-In [44137]
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You got this AAAAAWWWWLLLL wrong.
Apr 28, 2021, 8:53 AM
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Poop at home. Never leave home without pooping. Then don't poop again until back at home. If traveling, substitute hotel room for home in the equation above.
If nature calls for a poop that cannot wait while away from home/hotel, go to a hilton or marriott property and use the lobby shatter.
Shatting in restaurants and other general places is a TERRIBLE idea.
Shatting in a porta pottie or the airport? Even THINKING about this is the lowest form of human life possible. ABSOLUTELY NOT NOFANKS.
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Hall of Famer [22152]
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I have no issues myself
Apr 28, 2021, 8:58 AM
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the worst - tripping bawlz and had to #### my brains out at a music festy (I think it was Lockn'). I've seen turds on those porta jon seats before. the worst of the worst.
the best - agree with the airport take, as it's my regular, but one time in Harrah's in NOLA, had to get out a nights worth of cajun food booze and cocaine out. got some remarks from the crowd in the restroom on that one...but the place was very clean.
the Master's was also fun, simply because the guys in there are running traffic (think Chick-fil-A). so you walk in and they said "got two shakin, one zippin', no open". told him I had to ####, he yells "we got a deucer!" and pointed me to the line for the stalls. plenty of belly laughs by the patrons
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CU Medallion [64837]
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You mean like pooping while people watch you poop?
Apr 28, 2021, 10:08 AM
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I can squat and blast a dookie anywhere, nearly anytime.
I could sit on a glass table top and blast one while my parents sat under it j'ing each other off. Doesn't matter.
Portajohns, out the window of a moving car, into a wendy's cup in a moving car, in the JC Penny dressing room, anybody's house, out of a deer stand, out of a boat, under a bridge.
You people need to loosen up some.
Now peeing... that's a different story, I can't even pee in the bathroom while my wife is in the room. I have a shy bladder.
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Replies: 27
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