Pigskin Prophet: All of the shenanigans are back in Columbia, along with a huge chicken


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Pigskin Prophet: All of the shenanigans are back in Columbia, along with a huge chicken

Clemson won't play this Saturday, but there will still be football in the state of South Carolina.

In Columbia, that means trying to polish the turd.

The University of South Carolina has been busy all week, getting their off-campus stadium and the surrounding stadium ready for fans. The doo-doo ice is waiting in the concession, the white concession towels are waiting on whatever students aren’t in quarantine after nights of debauchery, the local denizens of the industrial area surrounding Williams-Lice have been told to be on their best behavior (no solicitation for prostitution until after lunch), and the machine shops have wiped a little bit of grease off their doors.

Welcome back to college football in Columbia, we have missed you. Soon the boos from the stadium will only be matched from the screams of the fights at the fraternity tailgates and the sounds of amorous college students backed up to porta-potties. And just think, all of this gloriousness almost didn’t happen.

Thank you Gamecocks, just thank you.

And now on to some games, because that’s what really matters.

SATURDAY

MISS ST. AT LSU

Ah, the Pirate (Mike Leach) is now sailing the SEC Seas instead of the cooler waters of the Pacific Northwest. He’s hoisted his flag in Starkville (nobody does that on purpose, but he sure did), and this week he sails his rickety vessel down and into the Gulf and up the river into Baton Rouge. The Red Stick people are still drunk from celebrating a National Championship, and many of them have failed to realize that everybody that made that possible left for cooler climes and less money, all except that for that one dude that talks funny. This one will be entertaining, and the Pirates of Starkvegas will throw the ball over the field, but it won’t be enough. LSU 34, MISS ST. 23

KENTUCKY AT AUBURN

Well, well, well. The Wildcats take the trip down to the Plains, where the Tigers and a certain former Clemson offensive coordinator await. Auburn has had trouble keeping enough players around to practice so far and there is no telling just how this one will go. One week Auburn quarterback Bo Nix looks almost serviceable and the next week he looks like the second coming Uncle Rico (that isn’t good, by the way). This one will be a slugfest, and Auburn will eek it out. AUBURN 23, KENTUCKY 20

TENNESSEE AT SOUTH CAROLINA

The turd has been polished, and it will shine brightly even though it smells funny and there is a large chicken statue (the last time they did something this stupid it was a banner of Spurrier, and it didn’t end well. Those people never learn). The Volunteers are a trendy pick to win some games this season, and they’ve had success on the recruiting trail despite prospects not being able to visit campus (which is a good thing, have you seen that old stadium?). This one will get down and dirty, but I don’t trust South Carolina – they looked like they ordered a Trevor Lawrence quarterback off Wish, have two former quarterbacks in their top six at wide receiver, and Will Muschamp is still the head coach. Volunteers in another grind it out game. TENNESSEE 23, CHICKENS 13

LOUISVILLE AT PITT

The thing about Louisville is that they never disappoint because they ALWAYS disappoint. After getting dismantled by Miami last week, they travel to Steel Town to take on the Panthers. They get better this week, but barely. LOUISVILLE 30, PITT 27

FLORIDA ST. AT MIAMI

I think Mike Norvell will change things at FSU, but there won’t be a lot of progress seen this season. The ‘Noles don’t have a quarterback, or much of an offensive line, or much of a culture. Miami has a culture – a bad one reminiscent of the bad old days – but they are talented and they are at home and have the Anchor Chain (which looks like a pistol more than it does the state of Florida) to pull them through. MIAMI 34, FSU 13

NC STATE AT VIRGINIA TECH

Speaking of culture problems, Justin Fuente looked like a defeated man earlier this week. He really needed that first recruiting class in Blacksburg to set the tone for his tenure, and those guys have been toxic and he’s had players opting out and the virus running rampant through his locker room. NC STATE opened the season with a win over Wake last weekend, and it was the kind of gutsy victory Dave Doeren needed. This is my upset – the Pack has played a game and the Hokies have been toxic. NC STATE 27, VA TECH 23

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