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Ring of Honor [23894]
TigerPulse: 100%
53
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Wednesday 'I had a dream' Dad Jokes...
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May 21, 2025, 8:11 AM
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Clearly, this one's on me:
I dreamt going to a nightspot with friends and in walked a 'Venus' with her entourage. Decided to drop her a note...asked the barkeep to deliver it and a drink to her. Just a simple light-hearted remark...no offence intended.
Well...when the bartender delivered, she glanced my way, then read...as did her posse. She proceeded to write a note back, having the bartender deliver to me. Nice...maybe!
What she wrote was:
For a girl like me to be with a man like you, you would have to:
1. Have a Mercedes
2. A million dollars in the bank and
3. Equipped with 7 inches.
I simply rolled my eyes, then penned my reply to this 'angel'. When the bartender handed her my note, I watched as she and her group gathered around to read it...and observed the looks on their faces...and a couple of jaws drop in astonishment. My friends seeing this asked, "What did you say?"
It said:
Sweetie, you're a bit presumptuous, still:
1. I don't have one, but three Mercedes in my garage
2. I own my company, thus I have not one, but several million dollars in the bank and
3. I am not about to give up 3 inches for anyone!
Then I woke up! 
Happy Hump Day...and go Tigers!
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Heisman Winner [81728]
TigerPulse: 100%
62
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Re: Wednesday 'I had a dream' Dad Jokes...
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May 21, 2025, 8:27 AM
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Oldie butt goodie,
Thought I had got lucky with that same girl when she cooed, "Give me 8 inches and make it hurt". Always eager to please I did her twice and hit her with a brick.
Message was edited by: 2k®
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TigerNet Elite [74953]
TigerPulse: 100%
61
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Re: Wednesday 'I had a dream' Dad Jokes...
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10
May 21, 2025, 8:27 AM
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Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [102534]
TigerPulse: 100%
64
Posts: 26397
Joined: 2006
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lol, Happy Hump Day.***
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May 21, 2025, 8:37 AM
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Ultimate Tiger [35031]
TigerPulse: 100%
56
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Meet Rolex and Timex, They are my watch dogs.
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May 21, 2025, 9:09 AM
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Whenever I left the door open, my mom would ask if I was born in a barn, which is odd, because you'd think she would remamber something like that.
I tried to explain to a 4-year-old that it's perfectly normal to accidently poop your pants, but he's still making fun of me.
A man asked his wife if she loved him for his face or his body. She laughed and said it was for his sense of humor.
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Ultimate Tiger [35032]
TigerPulse: 100%
56
Posts: 14476
Joined: 2014
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Re: Wednesday 'I had a dream' Dad Jokes...
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May 21, 2025, 9:23 AM
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A man told his wife he couldn’t understand how God could make a woman as beautiful as she is but also make her so stupid.
The woman said she could explain it for him. She said God made her beautiful so he would be attracted to her. And he made her stupid so she would be attracted to him.
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Ring of Honor [23894]
TigerPulse: 100%
53
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Not a chance in hail I'm
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May 21, 2025, 9:34 AM
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Telling my wife that one! Uh uh!
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Oculus Spirit [42019]
TigerPulse: 100%
57
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Re: Wednesday 'I had a dream' Dad Jokes...
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May 21, 2025, 10:10 AM
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Every time I see a mattress on top of a car I think,
“###, prostitutes are doing door dash now!”
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