My hatred of all things Gamecocks know no bounds

Mar 12, 2023, 3:18 PM

I got to play golf at a fancy club yesterday with a big group that included some fine Clemson gentlemen and some Gamecocks. After our round, six of us went back out for another nine. My buddy Clifford and I teamed up with a dude that looks like he survives off of a diet of Bud Light and Marlboros. His presence made us a formidable team for sure.

The other team has some big corporate executive, a Gamecock alum and a dude that had something to do with the USC football program. They smelled like a weird combination of Diet Coke and vodka so I liked our chances.

Boy oh boy was I wrong. We were playing for $10, so I was pretty nervous. On the first hole, the guy from the USC football program walked in a birdie putt from 20 feet screaming like a madman. I knew at that moment that we were ######. I also found out at that moment that we were playing for $10 A HOLE, not $10 for the nine. My sphincter puckered up tight enough to make a turd turn into a diamond.

After losing the second hole, the Marlboro Man on out team said we were pressing. Much to my dismay, that meant that we were now playing for $20 a hole. #### me!

Y’all can probably guess what happened over the next seven holes. I don’t carry anywhere near enough cash to cover my losses and had to call a family member to Venmo one of the guys in the other group. It also means that my wave runner payment this month will be late.

I swear I heard one of the guys in the other group say “31-30” as I tried to make a par putt to tie the eighth hole and save our match. It made me so angry I pulled the putt and missed it by a ton.

I really can’t overstate how much I hate everything to do with that school and their football program. Losing to them last season left a scar worse than the the time I got stood up by my cousin’s friend Anastasia for senior prom.

Thank you for listening to me vent. Go Tigers!

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