A serious thread for the most unserious ppl. Mauwldog & cooch GITT.

oh_its_JimmyHEYHEY® · 2025-04-10T19:34:23.326Z

My son is starting 5–6 year-old tee ball on Saturday, and I signed up to be an assistant coach because a) we're there anyways, and b) the poor rubes who get roped into headcoach need help. Fast forward to today, when I get the notification that not only am I a coach, but I am the coach. I AM THE POOR RUBE. Any advice? I've never coached, and this is pretty much kids just figuring out how to swing a bat, and practices are held right before the game once a week -- so the margin for error is extremely high. But, again, I've never coached. TIA.

Obed®

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And since I feel for you and you're my boy, here are a few tips.

Apr 10, 2025, 4:00 PM

-You'll have one kid who is decent. He won't be great because any great players in the league will all end up on the same team with the same doouchebag dads who have been cherrypicking kids for 5+ years, but you will have one decent player who was new and slipped under the radar.

-Unfortunately decent kid's Dad will think he's Barry Bonds and that your crappy coaching is the only potential roadblock between his son and superstardom. This guy will passively aggressively drop coaching tips to you at every opportunity, but he will never have time to volunteer his time to help you.

-You will have 4-5 kids, maybe more, who couldn't throw a baseball in the ocean from the beach and who will take at least 4-5 swings on every at bat before barely topping the ball, at which point it dribbles 6 inches forward and the douchey dads' all star's catcher will catch your team in a triple play because they all started running.

-If you are doing drills, do not do any drills where a kid is in a line more than one kid deep before they get their turn. You might think that you can stack them up 6 deep to do a fielding drill one at a time, but you've lost kids 3-6 within the first 12 seconds.

-Start out doing pop fly drills with tennis balls or rubber baseballs or your team of misfits will look like a triage unit.

-There will be one divorced mom who seems a little too appreciative of your efforts and who tells you how much her kid loves you and always smells a little too much like boxed wine.

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I've had the "hey, need a quick chat with the parents..." on the first day. So have other coaches as my son got older. Basically they (or I) would welcome the help during practice. And for that age, remind them that games will be harder to keep their attention and wrangle them in the dugout.

(wrangle, not strangle)

Hardest part I ever dealt with was, even after those chats, the parents that would "offer advice" on what I, the volunteer who is not trained on coaching, should be doing differently. They quickly get reminded of the request for help then dismissed.

Not only are they learning how to swing a bat, they're also learning how to catch and throw. The more drills you can work in "gloves off" (either with a squishy nerf ball or a tennis ball) will help them with catching skills fast. Recommend the parents do the same at home.

And when my son was at that level - no one played the same position two games in a row. No one batted in the same spot in the lineup two games in a row. Keep it moving around, get the kids exposed to all the positions.

Otherwise, good luck. And enjoy this time while you can. I continued to help the coaches as my son got older, and the most frustrating part is when your kid starts to refuse any coaching from you because *eye-roll*

GD bro, I have been preaching this for like 20 years now.

THIS IS WHY WE LISTEN TO THE WORDS OF OUR ELDERS.***

Every single time.***

I don't appreciate your ruse, m'am.***

HEY! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO RENT HERE ANYMORE!***

Real talk: Your main job is to pick someone to coordinate snacks.

Some simple rules......

There's always at least one kid who needs to be r-u-n-n-o-f-t.***

I call it "Coaching them out"***

promoting them to "fan"***

Are you Walter Matthau?***

Fine, I'll watch "A League of Their Own" again.

Maybe not this year, but if theres a draft _ after the first five rounds

In soccer, draft based on how good looking their dad is.***

oh boy - they got you.

And since I feel for you and you're my boy, here are a few tips.

pigs of divorced mom?***

All true. The kids are the easy part. It's the parents who will make you hate.***

Oh yeah. You will have one kid most likely who can reasonably do something

This, plus also you will have a parent

Re: A serious thread for the most unserious ppl. Mauwldog & cooch GITT.

Re: A serious thread for the most unserious ppl. Mauwldog & cooch GITT.

First parent who complains

Wait. Just re-read. Once a week practice? Right before the game?

I kind of that was how it was going to go with soccer in this format...

Why do posters disappear after getting the best advice?***

Rule number 1. No bunting. Swing for the god #### fence every time

Seriously though, there are no rules. It's t ball. They are all going to play in

Oh and ALWAYS HOLD THE BAT WHEN PLACING THE BALL ON THE TEE

Sounds like I-9? I've been there as the *only* coach...

yyeeeap.***

Re: A serious thread for the most unserious ppl. Mauwldog & cooch GITT.

######!

Make sure you try to fight an opposing coach at the mound

So you're telling me that someone, in their infinite wisdom, decided that YOU

5-6 year olds are still playing tee-ball? If you don't have a private hitting

CONGARTS JIMMY HAY HAY, YULE ALWAYS BE A TIGERCOCK!***

This is a personal attack on

Nah, we got cut from that team***

For real, by the time my kid was 5 he was eating nothing but raw cod and protein

Gotta get them in the weight room soon. As those bones and muscles grow, you

You can throw a bunch of expensive science at your kids, OR

TigerBoard POTD

Sounds like I-9? I've been there as the only coach...