Pigskin Prophet: Gamecocks get cushy ride after whipping, Tigers take aim at Grapefruit |
We were escorting the South Carolina football team home from Knoxville last weekend when the phone rang, wanting to know if we had time to run some air conditioners to Syracuse.
Let me start from the beginning – South Carolina played Tennessee last weekend, and at halftime we received an emergency call from Ray Tanner if we knew of anybody that had buses with extra cushions in the seat. In fact, he wanted to know, did we also know where we could pick up some extra throw pillows to put in the seats, because after the butt whipping the Gamecocks got at the hands of the Hillbillies, it would be needed. We rounded up the buses and the pillows and we carefully escorted each player and coach to a seat – careful to not touch their sore backsides – and set out moving towards Interstate 40 at a robust 45 miles per hour, one mile an hour for each point the Vols scored. That was when we got the call about air conditioners. It seems that the Carrier Dome in Syracuse – a building named after an aircon company – was never blessed with A/C. That’s like opening a restaurant and calling it Bill’s Steakhouse, and when you get there you find out it’s owned by someone named Merle and all they serve is chicken. It doesn’t make any sense. I was told that two years ago, temps in the building reached almost 72 degrees during the Clemson game, and the Tigers wanted to know if we could run some temporary units up to central New York. While I would love to make that money, I had to inform that as of last May, the building finally had a cooling system. And now they wanna change the name. Those people sure are weird. Now onto some picks. FRIDAY CLEMSON AT SYRACUSE In the once-sweltering Dome, the Tigers attempt to get the offense back on track against an Orange team that has proven to be a tough out in year’s past. It’s not surprising, what the Orange lack in talent, they also lack in size and speed, and their Grapefruit mascot doesn’t help the image. So teams overlook them. But overlook the Grapefruits at your own peril. They have a 42-year old mountain man of a quarterback that runs it every play and somehow it works. This is another dangerous test for Dabo Swinney’s group of Tigers. But these Tigers are hungry, and while they would love to have meat on the menu, a silly looking Grapefuit will have to do. The offense gets on track. CLEMSON 30, SYRACUSE 17 SATURDAY FLORIDA AT LSU Florida is just kind of humming along, minding its own business, playing just ok while the rest of the world fans itself over Kirby Dumb’s talented and well-compensated roster. The Gators and LSU played in a classic last season when the storyline was a shoe thrown by a Florida player that led to the LSU upset. LSU head man Ed Orgeron, who is making nice with a younger woman and threatening to kill LSU fans, hasn’t spent much time coaching this season and it shows. Florida gets the revenge, an irate husband throws a high heel at Orgeron, and ole Ed says, “Dem wha be done gone be dat ting, ya know?” during the postgame interview. FLORIDA 34, LSU 23 DUKE AT VIRGINIA Oooh, do you hear that? Do you? That is the sound of nobody caring. VIRGINIA 33, DUKE 17 KENTUCKY AT GEORGIA Aw, we see you Kentucky. You think you have a chance in this one, don’t you? Well, you don’t. You can run the ball just fine, but for someone to beat this group of millionaires (thanks sponsors), they’re gonna have to throw the ball. That isn’t what Kentucky does best. They will keep it close, for a bit, and then you’ll change the channel and flip back and it will be over. GEORGIA 34, KFC 13 VANDERBILT AT SOUTH CAROLINA I mean, somebody has to win, right? Somebody might score? The best scene from last weekend was when the young hyper pup Shane Beamer went nuts on the sideline. The Gamecocks had just scored, with a little over three minutes to play before the half, to make it 35-7 Tennessee. To be fair, the Vols had just let Peyton Manning play cornerback and Phil Fulmer line up at defensive tackle, but the Gamecocks still scored. Beamer did a handspring, a flip, and then a cartwheel and ran out onto the field and grabbed a player, kissed him on the mouth, and then carried said player back to the sidelines. It was…..awkward. That’s what we’re dealing with. SOUTH CAROLINA 16, VANDY 10 MIAMI AT UNC Hey, you remember when UNC fans were ready to bust into the College Football Playoff, and Miami fans were like, “No you’re not, hold my turnover chain and watch this?” Ah, the good old days when these teams had hope. Hope. Such a tragic word. Mack Brown got his tail beat by a bad FSU team last week, and then blamed it on the media. At least Manny Diaz is truthful and blames it on the strip clubs. Maybe Mack won’t have to blame the media this week. UNC 34, MIAMI 27
Upgrade Your Account
Unlock premium boards and exclusive features (e.g. ad-free) by upgrading your account today.
Upgrade Now
