Pigskin Prophet: Even Red Bull won't help in Knoxville this week


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Pigskin Prophet: Even Red Bull won't help in Knoxville this week

It’s not been a great week in the Midlands of South Carolina.

Our company was contracted to bring in several tons of concession goods for last Saturday’s home game against Troy. The Gamecocks had only narrowly lost to Georgia (hahaha) and had lost to Kentucky (narrowly), but the excitement was still high (or so they thought) about ole Red Bull Beamer and his lack of focus and a home game. They thought the fans would show up.

And then they didn’t, leaving bare spots in both upper decks and the lower decks and the parking lots and the concession lines. Much of the food, perishable, can’t be given to the homeless that surround the blighted area around the stadium (because of insurance), so we were contracted to haul it all away.

As I was leaving the area, I stopped to pick up a hitchhiker carrying some books. He said he was once a General and once the President of the university. Said he was fired for plagiarism and not knowing what school he worked for. And not sending out condolence cards to big money people. And for generally not throwing enough ice cream parties.

When I asked him how he felt about it, he said, “The worst job I ever had. I should never have taken it. Those people are MEAN.”

Not Red Bull. He isn’t mean. He reminds me of the little dog in the old Looney Tunes cartoons who was always bouncing around the bigger dog, full of energy, asking if he could help or do anything. “Can I get ya a bone, Nick? Can I rub your back Dan? Can I, huh? Can I give you a back rub, Lane? Can I? Can I, huh?”

Gotta love your rival.

THURSDAY

COASTAL CAROLINA AT ARKANSAS ST.

Gotta start giving some love to the Chants, who are the highest-ranked team in the state (ouch). The Chants are rolling right along, scoring points and taking names, scoring a whopping 250 points behind quarterback Grayson McCall. They keep it rolling this week in Wal Mart land. COASTAL 47, ARKANSAS ST 30

SATURDAY

OKLAHOMA VS TEXAS

Ah, the Sooners and the Longhorns in the Red River Shootout (I refuse to be politically correct and call it the Rivalry. It’s the Shootout. Old West theme. Get it, Karen?). The Sooners haven’t been great this season, barely getting by against inferior competition and Spencer Rattlesnake has lost some of his venom. I really believe that Steve Sarkisian is going to turn Texas around, but it might not be this season. But this one, this one is interesting. Texas is playing a little more disciplined, and Oklahoma’s offense is averaging just 433 yards per game. This one is gonna go down to the wire, and Oklahoma’s luck continues to hold. OKLAHOMA 31, TEXAS 27

SOUTH CAROLINA AT TENNESSEE

Good ole Rocky Top. South Carolina takes it’s pretty good defense and horrific offense up to Knoxville to take on a Vol team that has a Hooker at quarterback. No, not a lady of the evening, but former Virginia Tech QB Hendon Hooker. Red Bull will grimace and then smile and then bounce and then turn cartwheels and hug all of his players and then run sprints from one side to the other like Forrest Gump, but there isn’t enough caffeine drink in the world to help that offense. Vols roll. TENNESSEE 31, SOUTH CAROLINA 16

GEORGIA AT AUBURN

So, Georgia has the best defense in the nation. Auburn won’t run the ball effectively against this group and will instead rely on Bo Duke Nix, who barely passes the 50 percent mark on his throws against bad teams. Not a good recipe for success. Listen, this one is on the Plains and the Tigers will have an early spark, but I don’t buy into all of that SEC crap. Auburn just isn’t all that good, even though they’ve got some dudes on defense. Once Georgia gets dialed in, look out. GEORGIA 30, AUBURN 13

ALABAMA AT TEXAS A&M

I can almost rinse and repeat the above prediction. Home field blah blah blah. Decent defense. But bad QB play and bad offensive line and Alabama is really good again. Blah blah blah blah. ALABAMA 34, TEXAS A&M 13

PENN ST. AT IOWA

A top-five matchup between Big 10 teams? In Iowa City? And no Ohio St.? Pinch me, I’m dreaming. This one won’t be pretty to watch because it’s a bunch of huge dudes raised on corn just running into each other for four quarters, but that Iowa defense sure is fun to watch. They lead the nation in turnover margin, and have hitters across the board. Penn St. has been a little lucky to date, and forced Wisconsin into the kind of mistakes that Iowa won’t make. Another thriller but this one goes the Hawkeye way. IOWA 24, PENN ST. 20

NOTRE DAME AT VIRGINIA TECH

If you missed the good people at Cincinnati trolling Brian Kelly and the Irish this week, go take a look. They were masterful. And they deserved to gloat after bouncing into the house of Rockne and dispatching the Irish and every one of the nine quarterbacks that Kelly played. Rumor has it he was looking for Rudy in the fourth quarter, and then asked for the actor that played Rudy when he found out Rudy wasn’t on hand. This week, they get to travel to Blacksburg for a look at the Hokies. I think Vegas has the Irish picked to win, but there has been something “off” with Notre Dame all year, and it won’t be fixed Saturday. VIRGINIA TECH 27, NOTRE DAME 23

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