Topic: Greetings my Tiger brethren!
Replies: 31   Last Post: Sep 4, 2014 9:20 PM by: TigerLinks
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Greetings my Tiger brethren!

Posted: Sep 1, 2014 10:32 PM

Hello Everyone!

I thought you might enjoy this regarding the classic beat-down that was dispensed on the 28th:

First of all, I apologize for the delay in my report from Cootville, but I have been enjoying our illustrious eastern seaboard throughout the weekend, and I haven't had time to assemble correspondence. I'll spare you the mushy details of my travel itinerary, but suffice it to say that I have had a terrific sojourn...well...for the most part.

Columbia, South Carolina was everything you said it would be, and then some. Wow, what skid mark that place is. Obviously, I wasn't able to see and do everything in the roughly 48 hours I spent there, but I saw enough to say that it's thankfully a "unique" place. I will paint a rough sketch of the experience that I had, along with what others experienced based on reliable sources:

1. Midnight Yell Practice (a time-honored Aggie tradition) was greeted by a large group of students and t-shirt fans who were compelled to yell F YOU and F TEXAS A&M repeatedly throughout the proceedings. Ostensibly the crowd felt it was their religious duty to defend the capital grounds upon which we were assembled. Sadly, they lacked the ability to organize unified yells, so it mostly sounded like a collection of drunk rednecks crying about an abused girlfriend/sister/first cousin who ran away.

2. Maurice's Piggy Park BBQ I had to eat there to settle the debate that arose as a result of my initial post. Unfortunately, I cannot offer a definitive judgement, as I am torn between calling it above average overall and kind of "meh." Since I was in Rome, I tried the pulled pork plate, and I had them serve me some with and some without the yellow baby crap sauce. I found that they did a pretty good job with the meat, but the sauce was not my favorite. So to sum up, I would say that Maurice's knows how to cook pig, and I would go there again. Thanks for the recommendation.

3. The South Carolina campus is very nice, well laid out and contains beautiful architecture here and there. Unfortunately, the campus also contains one of the largest collections of ####### that I have ever seen in my life. I consider myself to be well traveled, but I have never been flipped off or had so many supposedly learned ne'er-do-wells say F YOU to me for no apparent reason other than a strange sense of pride in my life. Those that didn't offer obscenities offered little else. The tailgate scene was as bad as it gets for visiting fans. Precious few coots even bothered to look our way, and even fewer had the forethought to invite us into their tent. Those that did (all 2 of them) mostly wanted to talk insufferably amateur trash and provided cold Busch light along with something indistinguishable to eat. But it's the thought that counts, so it wasn't all bad.

4. The tailgating scene at the stadium is something that I skipped altogether. However, one of the Aggie faithful and his friend were walking amongst the coot tents near the stadium, tossing around a Nerf football, when a drunk coot walked up and punched one of the guys in the face for no reason whatsoever. Luckily, there was a cop nearby who witnessed everything, and the festivities quickly concluded without further incident.

As I said, I missed the roach tailgating scene mostly because I was involved in a prolonged bout of combat parking (which is to be expected). However, the traffic control in and out of the roach is, by far, the worst I have ever seen. It is legitimately a disgrace. I won't go into details here, but it took me 2 hours to drive to my hotel less than 15 miles away from the stadium. Nuff said.. but I could go on and on.

5. The Cockroach wasn't quite as unsanitary as I expected in general, but the pervasive smell of feces was unmistakable. Out of morbid curiosity, I ordered a coke with ice, and it indeed had a distinctly piquant bouquet of rancid taint butter mixed with bovine scat. I cannot imagine how this isn't the NUMBER ONE PRIORITY for the university AD staff to correct this travesty to the human condition within the confines of that stink hole. Everything else about their pathetic team intro: fire extinguishers, incessant Sandstorm and crowing cawk sounds, along with the ridiculous homage to picnic fare at midfield, was beyond hysterical to me. In honor of their love for Sandstorm, we have put together an extended music video for all to enjoy:

6. The coot fan base was interesting, to say the least. To me, they were a cross between Arky fans and Baylor fans. Very annoying, very rude, without purpose or thought and among the lowest football I.Q.'s that I have ever come across. I was sitting near the 40 on the 5th row of the 2nd deck, surrounded by coots. I was never personally assaulted beyond a few F Yous, but I had already grown accustomed to that by game time. It was glorious to see the mass exodus at about the 6 minute mark of the 3rd quarter. EXTREMELY reminiscent of Texas fans. Just a pathetic collection of rabid turn-coat idiots. The stunned faces throughout the game were too sweet to describe, but here are a few images that sum it all up:

That chick is now famous.

Thanks again for all of the pregame trolling tidbits and the valuable information that made my trip to Cootville much more enjoyable. Should be interesting to see how the coots react to Aggieland, but I'm certain it won't be anywhere close to as classy as you guys. Hope we can arrange another home-and-home sometime soon.

Good bye for now, and I'll come back soon.


That chick looks like she could mow down trees and ### a creek

Posted: Sep 1, 2014 10:36 PM

with those teeth !

Yep. She could definitely eat corn on the cob through a

Posted: Sep 1, 2014 10:48 PM

picket fence.

Re: Yep. She could definitely eat corn on the cob through a

Posted: Sep 1, 2014 10:53 PM

Yep, eating popcorn from a pepsi bottle would be an easy task for her.

Re: That chick looks like she could mow down trees and ### a creek

Posted: Sep 2, 2014 2:12 PM

As well as eat corn through a knot hole!!! Lmao

Outstanding piece of Gonzo journalism from the front lines.

Posted: Sep 1, 2014 10:51 PM

Thanks for the assessment ... and the chick expression is as priceless as it is vacant. Congrats on a big win on the road ... wish we could have played to your standard in week 1.

Re: Greetings my Tiger brethren!

Posted: Sep 1, 2014 10:58 PM

That was great and good luck rest of the way

Re: Greetings my Tiger brethren!

Posted: Sep 1, 2014 11:00 PM

You have a way with words my friend. Well done.


I post once per month at the most. This warrants a thumbs up.***

Posted: Sep 1, 2014 11:08 PM

Re: I post once per month at the most. This warrants a thumbs up.***

Posted: Sep 1, 2014 11:43 PM

Great post AG. By the way, that chick is their homecoming queen. She is also the most intelligent thing on campus. Scary, isn't it ?

I agree***

Posted: Sep 2, 2014 12:18 AM

WoW..the AG's are awesome, especially The Good1

Posted: Sep 2, 2014 12:25 AM

GoAGGies & TiGERs! Fight!

To All CLEMSON TiGERS..Sending you Bright Light from the Carolina Coast and hoping you get to witness a huge Orange sunset tonight. Go Tigers!

that was wonderful! totally enjoyed hanging & drinking with Aggies!

Posted: Sep 2, 2014 12:16 AM

Athens was quite aggressive as well, nice to have folks around that weren't a-holes to have intelligent convos with.
Actually did have some fun convos with UGA fans, but hey always seemed to ruin it at some point with cockiness or sleight...

They really couldn't seem to help themselves except for a select few.

One of the best things I've ever read on tigernet.***

Posted: Sep 2, 2014 6:13 AM

There's something in these hills.

Hard for Clemson fans to rag on SCar's traffic situation

Posted: Sep 2, 2014 7:12 AM

Given how difficult it can be to get in and out of Clemson on Game Day. However we at least have the justification of "no major highways", whereas Columbia has at least two major interstates nearby to the stadium. And a third if you count I-20.

Columbia is a city, Clemson is in the middle of nowhere with

Posted: Sep 4, 2014 7:48 PM

a population of 12,000. So it makes sense for traffic congestion to occur when 85,000 people descend upon a rural town.

Great report

Posted: Sep 2, 2014 7:49 AM

There are a whole lot of CU fans who would love to see another home and home with you guys.

The GoodAg is welcome here ANYTIME!!!!

Posted: Sep 2, 2014 1:38 PM

So glad your trip to the East Coast was so fruitful. Hope you took a good long shower after being in the CockRoach.

Look forward to hearing from you through the season. Keep us abreast of what's going on in College Station!!!

I can't believe you ate at Maurices

Posted: Sep 2, 2014 2:03 PM

Please don't consider that SC BBQ. You should have hit up Palmetto Pig or Southern Belly BBQ.

Maurice's is about the worst BBQ I have had and he has...

Posted: Sep 4, 2014 7:50 PM

the worst mustard base BBQ sauce out there.

10 hours of Sandstorm ? I was hoping for a little more.

Posted: Sep 2, 2014 2:23 PM

Classic - great write up.

Just a little icing on the cake

Posted: Sep 4, 2014 7:14 PM

The team is preparing hard for our next opponent, Lamar University. I mean, we're talking LAMAR here people!! This is serious business!


Dude, does Lamar even football?

Posted: Sep 4, 2014 7:40 PM

All kidding aside, check out out the Pigskin Prophet if you haven't already. Should be on the front page right now.

Glad your trip to SC was fruitful. Hope you guys take the SEC (as does the wife; she has the Aggie).


Re: Dude, does Lamar even football?

Posted: Sep 4, 2014 7:57 PM

Hey man, I heard one of the Lamar running backs can run a 4.8, and he's shiftier than a Hyundai Sonata. But seriously though, it will be nice to see a total evisceration for the home opener in our partially renovated stadium.

I will be pulling hard for you guys this year (no homo). UGA was a tough loss, and I think it exposed your o-line and d-tackles a little. Your linebackers were constantly fighting off 320lb blockers, which is the same problem we had last year. Hope Dabo and company can get it figured out.

Billy Brice has open air restrooms, that explains the feces

Posted: Sep 4, 2014 7:44 PM

and urine smells

All time Tigernet post!

Posted: Sep 4, 2014 7:53 PM

You now get it.

Re: Greetings my Tiger brethren!

Posted: Sep 4, 2014 8:17 PM

Since Texas A&M used to be in the Big 12, I have to ask how the SCU fanbase compares to the MU fans? In my experience, they're very similar (same losing tradition, same white trash, meth addicted fans, same arrogance). But I've never been to either of their home stadiums, so I'm just going on interactions in everyday life.

RE: Mizzou fans

Posted: Sep 4, 2014 8:44 PM

Unfortunately, the scheduling shuffle over the last 3 years (including this one) has put us against Mizzou every year, instead of the normal rotation through the SEC East. I have been to Columbia, Mizzery 4 times over the years, and I would agree the irony their sharing of a common city name with the coots is stunningly ironic. Both stadiums are pretty bad, but Mizzou's, except for the smell of raw sewage, is worse. Mizzou fans are not as outwardly inbred as the coots, and they are a little friendlier around the tailgating areas. Also, the game day layout of campus-stadium-parking-tailgating-egress-bar scene at Mizzou is superior. Additionally, Mizzou actually did have a brief (but disappointing) run of success in the mid 2000's with Chase Daniel, so there's that. Not to mention last year as well.

No, I'm afraid the coots take the prize between the two. Now Texas Tech fans?? That's a WHOLE other story. Worst of the worst.

So overall you rate Cola an A, B or C?

Posted: Sep 4, 2014 8:57 PM

And by that I mean hepatitis a, b or c. Which hep best describes the town? Feel free to elaborate.


Holy crap I know that coot in the picture. Bless it***

Posted: Sep 4, 2014 8:37 PM

Great read. Man I enjoy good literature...

Posted: Sep 4, 2014 8:39 PM

destined to be a classic.


Great post! I'll have to say that everyone of the TAM folks

Posted: Sep 4, 2014 9:20 PM

I have met are first class. Like Clemson, I can't help but believe a lot of it comes from our agricultural and military backgrounds.

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