So my Step Mom gets my kid two goldfish and little plastic

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Jan 9, 2019, 11:05 AM

aquarium for them to live in. I'm looking at these little bug eyed freaks and realizing that they owe their lives to me, because those effers are going to die if I don't figure out how to take care of a goldfish. Let's face it, a five year old is not likely going to feed them very often, will over feed them when he does and sure as hell isn't going to be cleaning any tanks.

So the first thing I find out is that they are going to die a slow and painful death if I don't get a bigger tank. So I buy a bigger tank, new filters, etc. Well you can't just dump them in there man, you gotta condition the water. So I do that for a week. Eventually they are living in their new home and it's pretty much like moving from an 800 sq ft NY rent control to a 5000 sq ft house on two acres, except without the longer commute. So we start feeding these little poop machines and they a start pooping. Soon the tank needs cleaning. So I look that up. I gotta buy a gravel sweeper and, oh, by the way, you gotta change 50% of the water every week. So I do that for about two months before I go out and buy a water changing system that you hook to the faucet and it sucks water out as it replaces it.

So we do that for about three months and these little ######## are living large. Suddenly, the smaller one has a weird shape to him and starts swimming funny. Eventually he's swimming upside down and then he's just floating. So bye bye "Rock." (look go eff yourself with your judgment - 5 year olds aren't really that creative when they name things)

The truth is, I always liked Rock better than Seaweed, so after three more weeks of Seaweed living in twice as much tank as he needs I quit cleaning and changing water. Still feed him though. So then comes the algae. It's overnight and it's green. So I go buy an algae scraper so the glass stays clean. Eventually the water starts turning green and soupy, but ole' Seaweed is just in their eating and ######## and swimming. Two months go by and by now you can't even see the other side of the tank when you look into the front. You can barely see the fish swimming around eating algae and ########.

So we wait. After another month, the little ####### finally gives up and stares his last death stare. We have a fish funeral, I give my son a hypocritical lecture on taking care of pets and I put the tank out in the back yard in the junk area because I don't feel like scraping the algae off of the sides.

Fast forward 9 years and now my step-son wants a tarantula. I tell my wife, "Hey, we don't have to buy an aquarium, I have on in the back yard of my old house."

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You know what screams white trash?

The one at Liquid Highway car wash is pretty cool

your poasts?***

vaping

Re: vaping

It is pretty raccist***

So..what color are your air jordans?***

Lulz. I don't udp like that. Adidas or nothing brah brah***

Dude Nike >>>>> Adidas all day long

^^^^ this is ########

My man.***

Adidas fits my troll feet waaaaay better than that Nike crap***

Maybe in your world (old man shoes and girls cleats)

ryanadidas aligning himself with Foot Broke Coach

I'm hitching wagon to his horse and riding him to the top

My man.***

Wait buying used tires is a thing ?

Sure it is for some folks. The people that buy them get

i like mine

Aquariums are a thin line

well if they've got walmart fish in them.....***

Nope. Those are quite expensive.

Bruh, my aquarium is worth more than your

Since when does a mechanic need a home office?***

I gotta chuckle at this a little

I'm making BANK

Hey, take it easy. He's molding today's young men

Your wife while she hate $@%s your neighbor?***

My wife loves our neighbors***

Well, it is hate for you that is driving this.***

I lol'd***

This is funny, knowing where you live

Nancy Pelosi?***

Everyone down here in Florida has one

And a screen house thing over the pool***

Pat Perez?***

So my Step Mom gets my kid two goldfish and little plastic

reading all that made me want to

Seaweed is actually a pretty good fish name***

I got one of these for a goldfish

Well, don't read anything on the internet about it

That is barely adequate for a beta fish

so

Sublet it to a ferret, little ########***

You needed a UV filter

My personality is such that I like to learn new things...

The water changes almost killed my desire to fugg with an

Are you me?***

Jerry the goldfish

Re: You know what screams white trash?

Anyone who says, "And all like that"***

White rimmed sunglasses? Dildoe looking vape pens?

Ferrets***

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