Forgive

Smiling Tiger® · 2025-03-30T14:07:15.386Z

Sometimes these daily devotionals really hit home. This is one that's easy to disregard or look past. Forgive My soft heart expresses love as I forgive. Sunday March 30, 2025 Holding on to hurt caused by someone’s words or actions is harmful to mental, physical, and emotional health. If I stew over these negative feelings, it’s likely I will feel worse. It is when I am willing to let go of these troubling emotions that the healing begins. Forgiveness is healing. Realizing the slight may have been unintentional or the one who hurt me may be unaware of my pain, I feel compassion. I let go by repeating the words I forgive you silently to myself, which helps me speak these words aloud when I am able. If I have caused unintentional harm, I ask for forgiveness. Through divine love, I forgive and am forgiven. As I express this love, I mend feelings and open the way to peace and harmony. Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.—Luke 6:37

We spend a lot of time on the board discussing issues related to forgiveness from God, but one of the more surprising differences between Judaism and Christianity is how forgiveness of your fellow man is handled. It's not quite as simple as "Are we cool?"

Why this is not the same in both religions is an interesting question since the two religions are pretty close in many ways, but here's the gist of it:

In Christianity, we are implored to give forgiveness freely to one's fellow man, and ask God for forgiveness for our sins, but in Judaism it's a bit more structured.

In Judaism, don't even BOTHER going to God for forgiveness, until you have received forgiveness from your fellow man FIRST. In other words, no back-dooring, no sidestepping, no end-arounds. God don't wanna hear it...

Before God will even see you, you have to ask for, and receive the forgiveness from the one you wronged, directly. There's a checklist involved:

1) The apology MUST be personal, and verbal - no proxies or notes allowed!
2) The apology MUST be sincere - no half-axed, kinda, maybe stuff
3) There must be a no-repeat commitment - no "I forgot I screwed you before in this exact same way" crap
4) There must be restitution - so pay up.
5) You must make THREE good-faith, honest attempts to mend your ways

THEN, and only then, can you ask God for forgiveness for your offense.

Once the offender has sought forgiveness from his fellow man, then the burden falls on the offended.

1) As the offended, you don't have to forgive immediately. You can stew for a while. Though, you are encouraged to be gracious and timely.

2) If the offended fails in any of his 5 obligations, you do not have to forgive him, and God won't hold it against you.

3) If the offender tries to apologize to you three times, and you deny him, then you are out of the loop.

He can go directly to God and ask forgiveness at that point, and you have to explain to God why you didn't give forgive him and give him another chance.

All very ordered, very structured, and very legal-like.

Judaism, legal?

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Re: Forgive

Mar 31, 2025, 11:36 PM [ in reply to Re: Forgive ]

I will propose a slight amendment to your description of forgiveness in Christianity.

The five step process you describe for Judaism is a nearly perfect description of Steps 4 - 12 of the AA 12 Steps. It seems too simple that the path for addiction recovery would be general personal growth via seeking forgiveness and offering atonement, but there it is. Face past offenses, own them, admit to them, make amends. Do that, stay sober. Dont, and one will seek escape via (fill in the blank).

Works 100% of the time. People who stay with it stay sober while growing in unexpected ways. Those who dont, dont. There is a significant drop-out rate, but the process itself works.

Frank Buckman was a charismatic leader who had half the Penn State student body enrolled in his YMCA program in 1920-ish, but noted "little behavioral difference in matters regarding inebriation and fornication" between his group and the agnostic students. He sought the New Testament as a guide to aligning one's faith/intention with behavior, and from the NT he developed a 4 step process that mirrors the 5 step process you listed.

Results were so encouraging that a significant small-group movement developed among adults, which became known as the Oxford Group. In 1935, an Oxford Group member went to see a friend of his, Bill Wilson, in detox. Bill became a follower of Jesus during that visit, joined the Oxford Group, and never had another drink. To gear that process specially to alcoholics, Bill broke the 4 steps into 12 bite sized ones, and AA was born.

All that is to say this: Steps 1-3 is Bill Wilson describing himself becoming a follower of Jesus, especially Step 3. The word "Jesus" is not mentioned in Step 3, because the initial appeal is to anyone who wants to stop his alcoholism: identifying God as Jesus is between the alcoholic and his sponsor.

That process of spiritual growth - surrendering to Jesus, and then continually taking a moral inventory resulting in making amends - is not at all unique to Buckman, Oxford Group, or AA. It is not often taught as succinct steps like that (I think it should be), and the steps are not the only factor in spiritual growth per the NT, but the process is taught in orthodox Christianity, before and after the Oxford Group..

So, I think the difference between your description of Judaism and Christianity is where God is experienced. In your description, God waits until one does the process. In Christianity, the process is the necessary result of a surrender to the Son of the Trinity. Same process.

https://www.aa.org/the-twelve-steps

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Forgive

AMEN!***

'7 times 70!'

Re: '7 times 70!'

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Re: Forgive

Interesting. I don't really have a process; but if having one helps people

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