You know how a dog will stick it's head out the window

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-Right before started dating wife of. Facebook jump off because Tinder didn't exist. First ignored red flag was all of the pictures were neck up. Being a young horn dog I didn't really care. Decided to meet up at a park and bang it out in the backseat.

Right before she showed up, the thought crossed my mind: oh god, what if she's a fat am I going to fake a seizure? Nope, gonna have to hold my nose and knock it out. I'm a gentleman.

She shows up and sure enough, she's a fat. Not like sit at home and go for the record, but definitely baby sal with great potential size.

So anyways, after some small talk I finally say, ok let's do what we came here to do and jump in the back seat.

I get her where she needs to be with my digits. She growls on my knob for a few minutes like she's a golden corral buffet.

Everything was going great until I flipped her over. First of all, there was so much fat, I couldn't reach the promised land. Then the smell hit. If it wasn't dark, I could probably see the dingle berries that had to be there. I knew the mission was in trouble because she took a shower before she came. Guess she couldn't reach?

Anyways, new position, finished, told her bye.

Never talked to her again.

Not my proudest. But when you set your mind to do something, you carry it out.

tigerdave2®

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I have too many to list. Here's the highlights

Feb 27, 2020, 1:15 PM

Sorority party at Clemson my sophomore year. Way too drunk. Had an amazing passionate hookup. Left in the middle of the night to stumble home to Johnstone. Next morning in Harcombe, this ugly stranger kept coming over to talk to me and flirting with me. Had no idea who she was, until my friends said THAT was my hookup from the night before. I didn't remember her. Still hooked up with her a few more times because it was really good (just didn't want to be seen in public).

Seched up with twins at separate times. First sister my sophomore year who liked to give beejs and play with my taint. The prettier sister my junior year who was a screamer that loved to be spanked. They weren't interested in a 3-some.

Met girl at a bar in Philly. Waaaaay too drunk from $5 all-you-can-drink night (HA!). Ran outside to puke. Came back in without her knowing I was sick. Went to her place for sexy time. I brushed my teeth using her toothbrush to freshen up. Successfully finished. Dated her for a number of years.

Girl with herpes that was nice enough to tell me she had herpes. I could not rise to the occasion as too much risk (big head overruled lil head). Twas a shame as her body was a 11/10.

Girl who commented how clean me and my room were. Apparently her last boyfriend had crabs.

Craziest girl was in the army for a few years. Had a kid with an abusive ex. Always had sex with protection. Then one night she ripped off condom and wanted me to finish inside. Said she secretly had her tubes tied as she didn't want to have any more kids with her ex. Thankfully I didn't believe her, as it turned out to be a lie. No unplanned pregnancies on my behalf.

Another when I was 25. She was 35 and kept a bag of sex toys in her closet. That was a crazy couple months.

And there's always the sweaty beej on the white couch :o

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This is a safe space. GITT with your most embarrassing hook

I banged it out with a sloot in college in her dorm closet

Did that bring kid 1 or 4?***

Re: I banged it out with a sloot in college in her dorm room

I love a good love story

That's when you get a house possum.

Is that considered a threesome?***

Its my first time

First time I hooked up with Sarahadidas,

First time hooking up with MsLovin

Pervert***

How did you know you would like the ride if you didn't

Man

jklol, I have no idea what will happen tonight. There is

If you're like me, your wife holds on to the dice, so most

If I held the dice, we would be playing Yahtzee every night***

Maybe Craps on a special occasion***

She prefers Dungeons & Dragons***

Re: She prefers Dungeons & Dragons***

Himsagoodboy.gif***

Looks like a fatty got triggered ITT***

A while back while I was a State Trooper I hooked up

Was he hot?***

I have too many to list. Here's the highlights

it wasn’t so much the hook up as it was the failure

Re: This is a safe space. GITT with your most embarrassing hook

i did that too

I blamed it on someone else, not her

Met a chick at a local bar, 9/10 body but that face tho

Many women need the release after a death

Re: Many women need the release after a death

I commend you for mercy pop.

Re: This is a safe space. GITT with your most embarrassing hook

This read like an aero post

I wasn't that drunk.

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