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Oculus Spirit [81925]
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Not having the person you have celebrated Clemson with
Jan 10, 2017, 12:03 PM
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ever since you both became Clemson fans together really sucks. In the midst of the elation from winning last night I was crushed she is no longer there to celebrate with me.
We had a thing where we would always kiss each other after a scoring play, or text each other if we were watching the game in different places - which was rare. Clemson had 93 scoring plays this year.
Going through divorce is already hard, tacking on depression makes this at times seem impossible. A crushing, irrational sadness consumes me, often overwhelming. Hit me last night after my friends left - none are Clemson fans, half aren't even college sports fans.
I implore all married lungers, or lungers in serious relationships - buy The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, learn each other's love languages and strive to enrich your relationship and your significant other. That is one book that had been read by me a few years ago would've saved my marriage.
I've been in a deep valley the past year and have been trying to better myself, to look up, and keep climbing to what should be a better life and future, but it has been hard. It took sacrificing my best friend for me to become a better man, and right now, it doesn't seem worth it.
2016 I had a cracked fibula, got separated, turned 30, developed Achilles tendinitis, and wrecked my motorcycle. I am determined to make 2017 a better year, and the national championship was a great start - just a bitter reminder of what I've lost.
Don't even know why I had this rant. I appreciate most of you here, and want to thank you.
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All-In [40656]
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I love you bud. Keep your head up.
Jan 10, 2017, 12:04 PM
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And next year, if you'd like, I can man up and just kiss you on Clemson scoring plays if you need it.
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Rock Defender [54]
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Sorry dude. Here's a gif of H8n on acolyte duty
Jan 10, 2017, 12:07 PM
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All-In [46825]
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Jesus Christ
Jan 10, 2017, 12:09 PM
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who's cutting onions in here?
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Lot o points [155973]
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T's and P's bud. We might be in bizarro dimensions.
Jan 10, 2017, 12:09 PM
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My wife and I have a good relationship, and I made her leave the room when she came in late 3rd quarter and bad stuff started happening. I'm going to guess that isn't in the book.
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Oculus Spirit [81078]
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There's nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel
Jan 10, 2017, 12:09 PM
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better. You'll have to figure that one out on your own.
But at some point, you'll look back on this time and wonder why you dwelled on being sad, and even why you seemed intent on doing so. You won't understand why you did it, and you'll hate you let it happen, and that you let someone--anyone--have this much power over you.
And having ridden bikes and wrecked bad, I'm offering some more non solicited, probably useless advice--get rid of it before it kills you, or worse, makes you a burden on someone else.
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CU Medallion [54011]
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Thank you.***
Jan 10, 2017, 12:39 PM
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All-In [38514]
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That book didn't resonate with me, but the idea is important
Jan 10, 2017, 12:21 PM
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Myers-Briggs personality types resonate with me.
My wife and I are polar opposites in many ways, but for the most part we complement each other incredibly well. But we can have issues communicating because we are so different. Either of us can say something, but the other will hear something completely different. And that's probably just an oversimplified explanation. It's more about either of us will say or do something because that's what we would want to hear or have done for us, but the other will not react because it's not being said or done in our language.
It really boils done to expectations. Having expectations about what one should do, think, or react because you assume they are like you can be difficult to get beyond. While it has never been a source of major issues or misunderstandings, it was a big shot in the arm to our relationship when we realized that sometimes you just need to stop and say "when you said ______, I heard ______" or "why did you _______ when I ______".
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All-In [46825]
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I'll play
Jan 10, 2017, 12:25 PM
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> "when you said __I have a headache____, I heard _I'm unattractive_____" or "why did > you __put your dink in my mouth_____ when I _was asleep_____".
Message was edited by: FBCoachSC®
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Heisman Winner [105622]
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BECAUSE YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN***
Jan 10, 2017, 12:43 PM
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Heisman Winner [112363]
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Hang in there soccer! I talked to Kelli before the game and.
Jan 10, 2017, 12:46 PM
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texted and woke her butt up when we won.
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All-In [38514]
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Did she really turn the game off at 14-0?
Jan 10, 2017, 2:15 PM
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I was not sure if she was serious.
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Heisman Winner [112363]
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She was for reals. Been there and done that.......
Jan 11, 2017, 9:42 AM
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"I'm not watching this BS"
#somethingsneverchange
Message was edited by: celtic_tiger®
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All-In [47874]
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Hang in there, buddy.
Jan 10, 2017, 12:56 PM
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I know your story, and you know mine. You can see that things do get better. Stay skrong.
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Heisman Winner [135999]
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Caught myself turning several times to hi 5 my dad.
Jan 10, 2017, 1:06 PM
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Can't let it suck the joy of the moment out.
But i know where you are coming from.
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All-TigerNet [11860]
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I read that book and still got a divorce
Jan 10, 2017, 1:07 PM
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best thing that ever happened to me.
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All-TigerNet [14533]
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keep your head up krzy
Jan 10, 2017, 1:17 PM
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Depression is the world's greatest liar, keep talking to people and being open like this - it does help.
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All-In [28802]
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Sorry to hear it. Just remember things won't always be that way
Jan 10, 2017, 2:07 PM
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Just because things are going badly now doesn't mean they always will.
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110%er [5791]
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I know that feeling, but my wife was sitting in the room
Jan 10, 2017, 2:14 PM
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she's just become emotionally disconnected from me over the past 18 months or so. Counseling, books, trying to actually listen to her and communicate with her, nothing has worked. She "loves" me, because she cares for me and doesn't want to see me hurting, but is not "In love" with me.
She no longer tells me she loves me, and gets irritated when I tell her that I still love her. The only positive is that she is at last making an attempt to allow herself to love me again. There was no cheating or anything, she just...fell out of love. As a result, I live with our sons, and a roommate/wife. There is zero emotional or physical intimacy from her, and even on nights like last night, she was seemingly half interested in anything that was going on.
Someone above mentioned to keep letting it out, and talking about it. I have found that it does, indeed, help. And I'm not exactly what you would call someone in touch with their feelings.
But also know, that you're not alone in this struggle and feeling the way you do. She and I will "celebrate" our 14th Anniversary in April, but it will likely be just another day. In time, and through prayer, I'm hoping that she finds her way back to me. Being patient is all I feel like I can do right now, as I feel like, and have constantly told her, she's worth waiting on, and fighting for.
Good luck
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All-TigerNet [11860]
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Dawg, she cheated on you
Jan 10, 2017, 2:30 PM
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for real bruh.
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110%er [5791]
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The way I figure, if anybody could crack that bank safe?
Jan 10, 2017, 2:36 PM
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They've earned it.
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All-TigerNet [14533]
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It's not the bank safe cracking that you have to worry about
Jan 10, 2017, 2:39 PM
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it's the whole 'emotional affair' thing - which of course likely to the ##### eventually but more often than not the physical affair can be overcome more easily than the one in which one of you has basically left already to be with someone else emotionally.
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110%er [5791]
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Yeah, that was my concern too, but believe it or not,
Jan 10, 2017, 3:02 PM
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through counseling etc...I don't think that's the case.
It's either some kind of mid-life crisis, or possibly some kind of depression. The counselor tried to address that with her, but she shut that down almost instantly.
She's also ACOA (Adult child of an alcoholic) so there's that...
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All-TigerNet [14533]
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Re: Yeah, that was my concern too, but believe it or not,
Jan 10, 2017, 3:05 PM
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Similar story man - and don't give up on the theory; do some reading and keep pushing - for serrius women will admit a physical affair before admitting their "just a friend" guy is anything more than that.
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All-In [46825]
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Lot o points [155973]
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Man, you're an insensitive diik.
Jan 10, 2017, 2:41 PM
[ in reply to Dawg, she cheated on you ] |
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And sadly, I agree with your assessment.
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All-TigerNet [11860]
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Sorry not sorry
Jan 10, 2017, 2:44 PM
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not trying to protect his feels
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All-In [46825]
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THIS IS A SAFE SPACE!***
Jan 10, 2017, 2:46 PM
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All-TigerNet [14533]
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Now where's the chocolate and sensitivity dog?***
Jan 10, 2017, 2:50 PM
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Lot o points [155973]
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see, my post was tongue in cheek.
Jan 10, 2017, 2:59 PM
[ in reply to Sorry not sorry ] |
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If you're an insensitive diik, and I publicly agree with you, I'm an insensitive diik too.
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All-TigerNet [11860]
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the batteries in my meter are dead***
Jan 10, 2017, 3:03 PM
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All-TigerNet [14533]
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All-In [31907]
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All-In [25721]
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Been there. Done that. Take it one day at a time my friend
Jan 10, 2017, 2:43 PM
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Regardless of what happened in the past, every day is a new day and a new start. Every thing will work out. Trust me.
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Lot o points [163012]
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T's and P's for you
Jan 10, 2017, 7:48 PM
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been there, done that a long time ago.
It does get better, if you let it.
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Oculus Spirit [93681]
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It's as I'd imagine what losing your legs would feel.
Jan 10, 2017, 8:27 PM
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Actually, it's probably closer to losing half your soul. I was married to mine for 3 months less than 30 years. It took me 10 years to realize that it was real. I'm so sorry and from one who knows, I know how you feel. You're in my prayers, brother.
Dan
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Orange Blooded [3924]
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TL read anyway
Jan 11, 2017, 10:05 AM
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I'm in a similar place. Hang in there buddy!!! See you at Vomitfest hopefully!
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110%er [9300]
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Soccerkrazy
Jan 11, 2017, 10:16 AM
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I read & own the book you mentioned "The 5 Love Languages" approximately 12-14 years ago. It is a great read for anyone, whether single, or married/attached, it opens your eyes towards things & ideas in relationships that you would have never known before.
Godspeed to you sir!
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Replies: 37
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