Re: The details of MuiraTiger's life are quite inconsequential.

I was a wee lad when my parents (a Duke and Duchess of unknown provenance) took me to Tanzania, where I quickly adapted to life on the plains and bagged my first elephant at age 9. The locals named me "Qua-ha-purlam" which means "pale one destined for greatness".

I parlayed the ivory from that elephant into a first class ticket on a steamer to the Maldives, where I learned the art of scuba diving and became the national Spanish spear fishing champion at age 14. At age 16, while giving lessons to a wealthy heiress in the Astor family tree, we struck up a romance, and after deflowering me, she lavished great wealth upon me.

After that, it's a long line of fast cars, beautiful women, high education, and general all around excellence, but take my word that when you're debating me, you're guaranteed to be debating the most interesting man in the world.

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The details of MuiraTiger's life are quite inconsequential.

Jul 27, 2020, 10:24 AM

Very well, where should we begin?

His father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with a low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. His mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. His father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. His childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring he'd make meat helmets. When he was insolent he was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds; pretty standard really. At the age of twelve he received his first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Wilma ritualistically shaved his testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking. He suggests you try it.