Dear Tiger Fans:

In 2 weeks, Clemson Nation will be gearing up to watch what we hope to be a glorious football season. A few rules and reminders for those who may not be in the know.

RULE 1: DO NOT PLAN A WEDDING OR FUNERAL DURING A GAMEDAY. If I am invited, I will not attend under any circumstances. If you feel the need to get married, do so during a BYE Week. If you just so happen to feel the need to pass away during the season, then I suggest that you plan your funeral for a suitable time whenever the game isn't taking place. As a matter of fact, I'm hoping that I miss my own funeral because I'm watching a Clemson game.

RULE 2: Nobody cares about your baby shower. Just as long as you shower, I think everyone will be just fine. No, I will not send gifts nor attend your baby shower. When you shower, don't forget to use soap.

RULE 3: Spouses who do not watch football that are married to a Clemson Football fan, please take notice. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BOTHER THEM WITH CHORES WHILE THE GAME IS ON. That is 100% grounds for divorce, I'm certain of it. It may even be Biblical grounds, although I'm not so sure. Let's not risk it, instead why don't you try making sure that you're quiet, you have made refreshments and do your best to stay out of the way.

RULE 4: From August 30th until November 30th, do not even entertain a meal with a nasty Gamecock fan. The Bible says not to affiliate with reprobates anyway. It is highly encouraged for you burn a dummy of Lenoris Sellers in effigy on a weekly basis until the game is played.

RULE 5: Anytime Paul Finebaum comes on the TV, you must change the channel on your television set. Watch a rerun of the My Pillow infomercial for all I care.

Those are the top 5 rules for this season. LET'S GOOO TIGERS! BEAT THE EVER-LOVING CRAP OUT OF EVERYBODY AND THEIR GRANDMA!