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Replies: 13
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Ultimate Tiger [34376]
TigerPulse: 100%
56
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Joined: 2014
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It's Tuesday...there's Dad's...and there's Jokes
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Jul 29, 2025, 7:29 AM
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And more than a few groans. Just one big, slightly off-kilter collection of one-third less-serious folks setting life's nonsense on the back burner! 
I used to be a kleptomaniac, but I'm taking something for it now! (I feel like I just tread on a certain jokester's material!)
The rotation of the earth really makes my day! (Hmmm...)
The plan:
An old man calls his son and says, "Listen...you mother and I are divorcing. Fifty years of misery is enough."
"Dad! What are you talking about?" screams the son.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," he says. "I'm sick of her face and sick of discussing this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hung up.
Now the son is worried...and calls his sister. She shouts, "Like hail they're getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately.
"You're NOT getting divorced! Don't do anything!. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer; don't file papers. DO YOU HEAR ME?", and hangs up.
The old man turns to his wife and says, "Okay...they're both coming home for Christmas and paying their own airfares."
Make this day your personal spicy taco, Tiger Nation! Extra salsa!
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All-Time Great [96818]
TigerPulse: 100%
63
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Joined: 2020
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Re: It's Tuesday...there's Dad's...and there's Jokes
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Jul 29, 2025, 7:31 AM
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Heisman Winner [82353]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: It's Tuesday...there's Dad's...and there's Jokes
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Jul 29, 2025, 8:07 AM
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Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!
Your momma is so stupid she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.
Yo momma so fat when she registered for MySpace there was no space left.
Tug won't give this poast a TU...
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All-Time Great [96818]
TigerPulse: 100%
63
Posts: 11216
Joined: 2020
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Give me TUs or I will act like a whiny baby
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Jul 29, 2025, 8:15 AM
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Heisman Winner [82353]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: Give me TUs or I will act like a whiny baby
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Jul 29, 2025, 8:18 AM
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I give you TUs you whiny baby...
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Ultimate Tiger [34376]
TigerPulse: 100%
56
Posts: 10742
Joined: 2014
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Re: Give me TUs or I will act like a whiny baby
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Jul 29, 2025, 8:29 AM
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Oculus Spirit [40204]
TigerPulse: 100%
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I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth. Now I have a weird axe scent.
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Jul 29, 2025, 8:16 AM
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In college, I had a psych teacher named Ms. Clops. Her first name was Iris. She was very light-hearted and appreciated her pupils. She had an eye for detail and color and liked purple flowers.
When I was younger, I had a metamorphic pet rock. It was gneiss! It had a lot of sedimental value to me. I never took it for granite.
Soem Chuck Norris jokes I saw over the weeekend (still tough at 85):
- When Chuck Norris was born, he slapped the doctor.
- When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.
- When Alexander Graham Bell invented the phone, he had two missed calls from Chuck Norris.
- Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
- Chuck Norris has a live bear skin rug in his living room.
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Clemson Sports Icon [56752]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: It's Tuesday...there's Dad's...and there's Jokes
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Jul 29, 2025, 8:17 AM
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My boss truly hates it when I shorten his name to D1ck…
It could be because his name is Steve but whatever…
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Tiger Titan [46633]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Wife
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Jul 29, 2025, 8:24 AM
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Associate AD [1052]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: It's Tuesday...there's Dad's...and there's Jokes
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Jul 29, 2025, 9:29 AM
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Not to brag, but I was the head of my class in Phrenology school.
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CU Medallion [20635]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: It's Tuesday...there's Dad's...and there's Jokes
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Jul 29, 2025, 9:58 AM
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When I got fired last week I turned in my gun and badge. My boss said, “you’re a heavy equipment operator, why do you have these?”
Yesterday I bought a world map and told my wife to throw a dart at it and wherever it lands we’ll go there on vacation. So we’re spending three weeks behind the couch.
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Associate AD [1052]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: It's Tuesday...there's Dad's...and there's Jokes
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Jul 29, 2025, 10:00 AM
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I have a map of the United States. It's actual size.
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Oculus Spirit [42678]
TigerPulse: 100%
57
Posts: 15771
Joined: 2014
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Re: It's Tuesday...there's Dad's...and there's Jokes
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Jul 29, 2025, 12:43 PM
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I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.
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CU Guru [1596]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: It's Tuesday...there's Dad's...and there's Jokes
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Jul 29, 2025, 4:39 PM
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An elderly couple met at an assisted living facility and fell in love. They decided to get married, thrilling everyone. During the wedding the preacher turns to the groom and says, ‘and now you may say your vows.’ The groom looks adoringly into his wife’s eyes and says, ‘a,e,i,o,u!’
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