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Replies: 13
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Ultimate Tiger [34425]
TigerPulse: 100%
56
Posts: 10745
Joined: 2014
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Friday 'Dad Joke' magic...
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Aug 1, 2025, 7:19 AM
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Not from me, though. I set the low bar...it's essentially a tripping hazard. The other misfits, they're the true happenings 'round here! 
What has two butts and kills people?
An Assassin! (Cheeky!)
Ms. Salty and I had been driving for hours and stopped for the night. We checked into a hotel room, although only planning to sleep four hours and hit the road again.
Checking out, we were handed a bill for $350. I exploded...demanding to know why so high! "While a nice room, it wasn't worth $350 for four hours!" "Standard rate," the clerk answered. I asked for the manager.
The manager appears, hears my beef and explains the Olympic-sized pool and massive conference center were available for our use. "But we didn't use them," I said. "But you could have," the manager replied. He continued, "You could have taken in a show for which we're famous. Great entertainers from all over...LA, NYC, etc." "But we didn't," I repeated. Naturally his reply was, "But you could have."
Exasperated, I threw up my hands and decided to pay and get back on the road. I turned to Ms. Salty and had her write a check. The manager got surprised look on his face when he looked at it. "Ma'am, this is only made out for $50." "That's correct. I charged you $300 for sleeping with me," she explained.
"But, I didn't!", replied the manager. "Well, too bad! I was here and you could have!", answered Ms. Salty. (Got myself a keeper, for sure!  )
Be the emotional salsa to those around you, Tiger Nation! Spice 'em up!
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [109469]
TigerPulse: 100%
64
Posts: 27131
Joined: 2006
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lol, dont mess with Ms Salty.***
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Aug 1, 2025, 7:21 AM
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All-Time Great [96974]
TigerPulse: 100%
63
Posts: 11235
Joined: 2020
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Re: Friday 'Dad Joke' magic...
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Aug 1, 2025, 7:23 AM
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Clemson Sports Icon [56846]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: Friday 'Dad Joke' magic...
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Aug 1, 2025, 7:33 AM
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A woman and her husband were grocery shopping. He picks up a case of beer and puts it in the buggy. “What are you doing?” asks the wife. “they’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans” he replies.”well, put them back - we can’t afford them” demands the wife. They continue shopping.
Later, she puts a $20 jar of face cream in the buggy. “What are you doing?” asks the husband. “It’s my face cream, it makes me look beautiful” replies the wife.
He says, “so does the case of beer and it’s half the price!”
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Paw Warrior [5011]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: Friday 'Dad Joke' magic...
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Aug 1, 2025, 1:08 AM
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Lightning struck the orchestra, but only one person got hit...the conductor. :0) Happy Friday!
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Heisman Winner [82367]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: Friday 'Dad Joke' magic...
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Aug 1, 2025, 7:55 AM
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A guy decides to do something nice for his wife before they leave on vacation so he gets her name tattooed on his wiener. He comes home and shows it to her. She looks at it and says, "That's great, sweetie, but what is 'Wy'?" He tells her to rub it and as she does she sees it actually reads "Wendy."
When they arrive at Montego Bay, the couple are walking along a nude beach and the boyfriend notices a black guy with "Wy" on his wiener. He asks the man if he also has a girlfriend named Wendy. The black guy laughs and says, "Nah, mon, mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day.'"
Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
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Tiger Titan [46633]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Cheap Concert
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Aug 1, 2025, 8:20 AM
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Oculus Spirit [42756]
TigerPulse: 100%
57
Posts: 15783
Joined: 2014
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Re: Friday 'Dad Joke' magic...
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Aug 1, 2025, 8:26 AM
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I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: 'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!'
She was watching our wedding video again.
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Game Changer [2040]
TigerPulse: 100%
31
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Re: Friday 'Dad Joke' magic...
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Aug 1, 2025, 9:02 AM
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What do you call a 5 boxes of ######? ...Erecter Set!!
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Game Changer [2040]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: Friday 'Dad Joke' magic...
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Aug 1, 2025, 9:03 AM
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Com on! How is Vi ag gra a bad word?
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Oculus Spirit [40213]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Chess teaches us about life. Only the female piece does whatever she wants.
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Aug 1, 2025, 9:17 AM
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Restaurant waiter suggesting a wine: "You'll like this one. It's made from anti-diuretic hybrid grapes and reduces the number of trips people your age go to the bathroom at night. It's called Pino More!"
Just when I thought you couldn’t get calls from food on the phone; boom, onion rings. Then I remembered, I get calls from Spam all the time and my iphone is an Apple.
Man: "I'm going to ask you a question and your answer must be quick. What's 7 x 5?"
Woman: "Quick."
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CU Medallion [20635]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: Friday 'Dad Joke' magic...
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Aug 1, 2025, 10:47 AM
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My wife called me while I was fishing the other day and said, “If you don’t get home in an hour I’m giving the food I cooked to the dog.” I got home in 30 minutes. I’d hate for anything to happen to that dog.
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CU Guru [1596]
TigerPulse: 100%
30
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Re: Friday 'Dad Joke' magic...
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Aug 1, 2025, 7:16 PM
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To the person who invented the zero, thanks for nothing.
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [104989]
TigerPulse: 100%
64
Posts: 99770
Joined: 2009
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A young couple only two farms apart we wed my the local pastor and headed...
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Aug 1, 2025, 7:41 PM
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to the big city for their honeymoon. The bride wanted the finest hotel in town and the young man anxious to 'git started,' didn't argue.
He and she entered the tall building and saw a man behind a counter with a big smile. They walked over and the man most politely asked, 'How may I help you?
The country boy said, We just got married and we need a really nice room for a couple days.
The Hotel clerk asked, Would you like the bridal?
The young man answered with serious tone, Naw, I'll just hold her down till she gits use to it!
Next I'll tell you the story about their picnic venture. Next Dad joke day.
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