Replies: 70
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All-In [29076]
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GITT and tell me all the things I need for fatherhood
May 12, 2020, 3:58 PM
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Current list:
1. T-Shirts to tuck into shorts 2. Nike Monarchs 3. Crocs 4. 15-20lbs around the middle 5. Dad jokes
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All-In [26698]
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Alcohol and patience.
May 12, 2020, 3:59 PM
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And a fleshlight, cause yo wife gonna stay too tired for you.
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Heisman Winner [134694]
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A lot of patience and a great heart. Spend time with them
May 13, 2020, 2:40 PM
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and enjoy the ride.
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Oculus Spirit [79260]
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How's your hairline looking?
May 12, 2020, 4:02 PM
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It'll be the first to go
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Heisman Winner [105622]
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*knocks on wood*
May 12, 2020, 4:12 PM
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NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND
It's grey-ing some, but it aint moving yet.
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All-In [40353]
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Samesies
May 13, 2020, 7:42 AM
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I remember asking Mrs Fluff why I had so many blonde hairs in my beard. Then I was informed they are grey.
It’s thick as ever, but getting lighter by the day.
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All-In [29076]
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Oculus Spirit [79260]
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Re: Widows peaks are receding nicely
May 12, 2020, 4:19 PM
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Oculus Spirit [78892]
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a ###### is all you need
May 12, 2020, 4:06 PM
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or she can be inseminated
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All-In [49058]
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I got 5 kids and
May 12, 2020, 4:08 PM
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1. No 2. What are Monarchs 3. No. 4. Okay, you got me here. 5. No.
You mainly just need a #### ton of patience because both the kids and your wife are emotional beings and cannot be reasoned with.
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All-In [29076]
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All-In [26698]
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Is your name Jimmy?
May 12, 2020, 4:25 PM
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Jimmy would wear those shoes. Jimmy would jump high in those trainers.
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Oculus Spirit [85339]
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A Brit named James whom I met on Holiday referred to my
May 12, 2020, 4:28 PM
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shoes as trainers.
And I was like
joetigerny
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CU Medallion [64837]
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seinfeld, you dolt***
May 13, 2020, 9:06 AM
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Oculus Spirit [85339]
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huh?***
May 13, 2020, 9:58 AM
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Are you hard of reading?***
May 13, 2020, 10:38 AM
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Oculus Spirit [85339]
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I am 37 years old, I have seen every episode of Seinfeld
May 13, 2020, 10:42 AM
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2 or 3 times, I learned what master baiting was by watching Seinfeld. Julia Louis Dreyfus was my first tv crush.
Jimmy's new in town, Jimmy really likes Elaine, Jimmy is happy for what's his name and his ghey friend.
Jimmy got angry at Kramer for spilling water on the floor where Jimmy fell, Jimmy punched Kramer in the mouth, causing him to seem we todd did for the 2nd time which was perfect timing to be a guest at the we todd convention.
I got the reference. I just turned it to the one time I heard someone call shoes "trainers".
thx
ryanadidas
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Heisman Winner [105622]
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All-In [29076]
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I've already got the best lawn in the culdesac so a few mows
May 12, 2020, 4:27 PM
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in those bad boys and I'll be ready.
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Heisman Winner [105622]
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Heisman Winner [105622]
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Heisman Winner [105622]
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#CoolDad***
May 13, 2020, 9:09 AM
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Oculus Spirit [79429]
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Like grouching said, patience and alcohol
May 12, 2020, 4:10 PM
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Enjoy your freedom now, because everything becomes a huge struggle. No more hopping in the car and going to do something, going anywhere will require you to make 2-3 trips to load up the car, and will take at least an hour. I even try pre-packing bags the night before, still a ####### struggle.
The best way I can articulate the feeling is like having shoes made of concrete. You'll get where you're going, but go ahead and factor in an additional 4-5 hours.
That's been the hardest adjustment for me, I'm sure I'll get used to it though as my soul dies and I become a shell of the man I once was.
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All-In [29076]
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Is some of this the product of your wife not being ready
May 12, 2020, 4:21 PM
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though? My wife is always planning five steps ahead and I think that may lend itself to speedier getting ready. I could be 100% wrong on that
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Heisman Winner [105622]
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My wife is like yours, always planning ahead
May 12, 2020, 4:25 PM
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and Lakebum1® is right, kids slow you down some. And good luck packing EVERYTHING you need in a car. Might as well get a bus when you have multiple little kids.
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All-In [29076]
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We both have SUVs now and are already looking into minivans
May 12, 2020, 4:28 PM
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so we're committed to the large vehicles.
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Oculus Spirit [81078]
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This look comes with a mini van
May 12, 2020, 4:33 PM
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Oculus Spirit [79429]
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This is an unconventional thought, but one small car isn't
May 12, 2020, 4:37 PM
[ in reply to We both have SUVs now and are already looking into minivans ] |
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bad to have. My wife's Mazda is 1000000000x easier to maneuver, park, and get baby #### in and out of in tight spaces than my truck or her Yukon would have been.
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CU Medallion [64837]
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when we got pregnant
May 13, 2020, 9:10 AM
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wife had just bought a nissan sentra, I had my venerable dodge dakota quad cab.
Wife insisted on a Chrysler town and country... wife got what she wanted.
That thing was the biggest POS ever. Wife hated it every day. I made her suck it up and drive it until the wheels came off.
Then she got an explorer sport a few years ago. She loves it. I really like it as well.
Dakota got relegated to farm duty and I got a new mustang.
Now that the kids are 8 and 9, we take the mustang everwhere. Honestly, the explorer only gets used by the wife commuting back and forth to work. All of the justification for needing it for kids was BS. She just likes the "status" or whatever it is about having an bigass SUV. She pays for it, so whatever floats her boat.
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Oculus Spirit [79429]
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The kids fit in the backseat of the mustang?
May 13, 2020, 10:36 AM
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I want a fun car one day, was kind of looking at Chargers. I figured that would be more child friendly. But if you're telling me you get along just fine with a two door, I'll take notes and include them in my powerpoint presentation to my wife when I start seriously considering making the purchase.
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CU Medallion [64837]
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At their age, they love it.
May 13, 2020, 10:40 AM
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My boy is the size of a 12 year old and gets in and out with zero issue. I've ridden in the back once, and it sucks, but I'm bout 6' tall and 200 lbs. A car seat wouldn't fit in there, though. NO doubt about that.
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Oculus Spirit [79429]
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Probably a little bit, but I don't think it's necessarily
May 12, 2020, 4:36 PM
[ in reply to Is some of this the product of your wife not being ready ] |
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the planning. She does like to #### around on her phone and kill time like a MFer though.
Nah, I'd say the Mike Tyson quote is pretty applicable here: "Everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the face". Plans tend to go out the window when the baby spit up on your shirt for the 3rd time that day, took a big #### as soon as you got him changed, or you're just generally mentally exhausted for holding a whiny baby for the past 45 minutes.
Which brings me to the next really hard adjustment: Holding them. I love holding my son, but not for 3-4 hours a day. I got #### to do man. Being back at work is hard. I know staying home with the baby is hard too, I did it for a few weeks before my wife quit. But now I get home from work and get the baby so she can have a break.
We clearly still haven't figured this #### out, maybe we're holding him too much. I have no idea, all I know is he's teething and it's miserable right now.
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All-In [40353]
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Pro-Tip
May 13, 2020, 7:50 AM
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It never stops.
Even a golf cart around the hood becomes a chore. Water cups? Need a toy? Who sits where? Sunscreen? Bug spray? Potty? Snacks? Shoes?
JFC we will never be more than 3 minutes from the house and can retrieve any of the above.
Road trips, as have been mentioned, are a bear. Get one of them portable toilets where you can use a plastic grocery bag as the bowl for road trips. That way you don’t have to wait for an exit with the cleanest looking bathroom.
Get that anxiety prescription
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All-In [49058]
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Truth...
May 13, 2020, 10:15 AM
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we bought an extended golf cart so "we could all ride together." We would load everyone in and head off to view whatever in the evenings on the golf course. Every thirty seconds someone would want to drive. Then someone would start shining the flashlight around randomly before you realized they were shining the ####### thing into people's houses. So you tell them only to shine it in the woods. Well then you have to take it away because they can't tell the difference between window glass and a tree.
Well, next thing you know the youngest (pre-babby - no way we'd attempt this now) has a stick. No one knows where the stick came from, but then he's hitting someone else with it by accident. So you put stop to that. Then you finally arrive at whatever natural wonder you were driving to, let's say a frog pond with a bunch of frog's eyes lit up at night and bullfrogs carrying on, and someone has to pee.
You take them in the woods to pee and and an older sibling thinks it would be funny to tell them they saw a clown in the woods over there. So they won't move more than 6 inches away from you to pee. By the time you assess whether you had any splash damage, the one who brought up the clown has freaked themselves out so much with the thought that they won't get off the golf cart. So when you drive back through the dark wooded area that brought you on this hideous adventure, everyone is screaming and trying to scare each other but only end up scaring themselves. When you get home everyone is wound tighter than a rubberband. But that doesn't stop everyone thinking it would be a great idea to try again in a few days.
Eventually you just drink more before you go. But the truth is, I kind of miss it now that we don't do it anymore. And that is the crazy thing about parenting.
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Oculus Spirit [79429]
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What I'm taking from this is only have one child***
May 13, 2020, 10:40 AM
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All-In [49058]
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Maybe two...
May 13, 2020, 10:48 AM
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but space em out so the older one is closer to baby sitting age.
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All-In [40353]
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This
May 13, 2020, 12:29 PM
[ in reply to What I'm taking from this is only have one child*** ] |
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I told my cousin to not have 2.
About 3 weeks into life with 2, he asked why I didn’t warn him.
I said I did. He said I didn’t give enough details as to why not. I told him DONT DO IT, should have been sufficient.
Lakebum1® Don’t have 2.
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All-In [46825]
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I've always been told 1 and 2 are terrible
May 13, 2020, 12:32 PM
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but there's 0 difference after 2. Three, 18, all the same.
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Lot o points [163012]
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With one kid you and your wife can tag team
May 13, 2020, 3:04 PM
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one on duty, one off. With two kids is it one on one - three and up you have to play zone defense.
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All-In [40353]
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that’s just what they to make themselves feel better
May 14, 2020, 9:37 AM
[ in reply to I've always been told 1 and 2 are terrible ] |
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I don’t wanna be potty training for a straight decade I don’t want more mouths to feed I don’t want more mouths to cry I don’t want more toys to buy I don’t want more people fighting over said toys I don’t want more people to buckle into a car for a quick trip
The only positive I see is that the older kids can actually be helpful in helping with the younger ones, so it’s like you have less parenting responsibilities when the older ones are self sufficient and have the ability to get milk and stuff for the toddlers.
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Oculus Spirit [79429]
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Getting a second dog is one of my bigger regrets in life
May 13, 2020, 12:39 PM
[ in reply to This ] |
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I will do my best to heed your advice.
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All-In [46825]
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These posts are making me feel a lot better
May 13, 2020, 11:24 AM
[ in reply to Truth... ] |
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about my parenting.
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Oculus Spirit [81078]
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There's absolutely no way I could make it through all that.
May 13, 2020, 11:52 AM
[ in reply to Truth... ] |
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10 seconds in and I'd be all "fsck it, we're going home, and I'm going to stand in the driveway and drink beer until my nerves calm down or I fall over, whichever comes first."
My OCD would probably send me to jail.
I'd be a horrible parent.
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All-In [49058]
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Look, if I'm being honest...
May 13, 2020, 11:54 AM
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I'm probably the one who brought up the clown.
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Oculus Spirit [81078]
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You're more of a man than I'll ever be
May 13, 2020, 12:00 PM
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I mean if being a man is having a kids and stuff.
I dunno how you folks deal with it. I went over to a friends house last week and there must have been 15 teenagers in there running around. First I'm like "holy chit, one of these carrier monkeys is going to give me the Covid", and then I switched to "How the eff do my friends deal with this chaos?"
I had to leave..I couldn't take all the screaming and running around. It seems like what a war zone must be like.
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All-In [40353]
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its nearly impossible to deal with
May 13, 2020, 12:33 PM
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Especially trying to keep em separated during quarantine.
One of my neighbors is notorious for having “conference calls” and sending his wife and kids next door to me and then the poor bass terd next door is stuck with all of the wives and kids.
We somehow manage to connect with one or none kids magically.
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Heisman Winner [105622]
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A Dodge Stratus, Hawaiian shirts and a healthy collection
May 12, 2020, 4:11 PM
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of Jimmy Buffett albums.
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Heisman Winner [105622]
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Oculus Spirit [75725]
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Need my address and a spare key so you can hide in the shed?***
May 12, 2020, 4:19 PM
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All-In [29076]
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I might, but I think I'll just start cutting the grass a few
May 12, 2020, 4:26 PM
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times a week for some peace and quiet and a few beers
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Oculus Spirit [75725]
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Also cooking things in a smoker means you have to be outside
May 12, 2020, 4:34 PM
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for a while.
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CU Medallion [73569]
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lotion***
May 12, 2020, 4:34 PM
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CU Medallion [50635]
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a kid***
May 12, 2020, 4:36 PM
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Oculus Spirit [85339]
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Can't believe it took that many responses to get to the main
May 12, 2020, 4:37 PM
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ingredient.
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All-In [49176]
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I had to go back to OP, forgot what it was.***
May 12, 2020, 11:06 PM
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Oculus Spirit [97746]
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Re: GITT and tell me all the things I need for fatherhood
May 12, 2020, 4:42 PM
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1) Patience 2) Coffee 3) Time 4) Sleep
That's about all you need.
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Orange Blooded [3930]
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Re: GITT and tell me all the things I need for fatherhood
May 12, 2020, 5:06 PM
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1. T-Shirts to tuck into shorts 2. Nike Monarchs 3. Crocs 4. 15-20lbs around the middle 5. Dad jokes
wool socks cargo shorts new balance sneakers honda odyssey 529 plan daycare riding lawnmower
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All-TigerNet [12270]
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like grouching said, patience and alcohol. i'll add one more
May 12, 2020, 5:30 PM
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an escape, a place to go like a mancave where you can get away from it..them.
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Oculus Spirit [93681]
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A girlfriend who gives BJs.***
May 12, 2020, 9:23 PM
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CU Medallion [60043]
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Re: GITT and tell me all the things I need for fatherhood
May 12, 2020, 9:28 PM
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Diaper genie and don’t let your kid sleep in your bed. Keep your style and your manhood. Rock on bro!
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Oculus Spirit [75725]
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From my 100% inexperienced point of view
May 13, 2020, 9:32 AM
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one of the wisest things I've ever seen was my friends putting a twin bed in the nursery so if one of them needed to they could crash in there. I have never seen reports of them having issues, at least with the older two.
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All-In [29076]
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We already have this set up.
May 13, 2020, 11:07 AM
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There will be no kid sleeping in our bed.
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Re: GITT and tell me all the things I need for fatherhood
May 13, 2020, 9:04 AM
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1. T-Shirts to tuck into shorts - no 2. Nike Monarchs - nah 3. Crocs - helpful for sure 4. 15-20lbs around the middle - don't do it. 5. Dad jokes - maybe.
That list feels more like you're planning for boomer-hood instead of fatherhood.
Drinking, fleshlight, and some sort of cloud-backup for the 10000000000 pictures you'll be taking are the most important.
Congrats, bruh
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All-In [47750]
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A Lay-Z-Boy from which you will sleep and drink bourbon.
May 13, 2020, 9:56 AM
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HTH
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All-In [40656]
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All-In [43778]
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Not much man. It'll all work out. Do be prepared for a
May 13, 2020, 10:28 AM
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quick trip to Charleston for the weekend....say a Friday after work returning on Sunday to look something like this:
*5 hour + commute each way *Shid piled so high in your vehicle that you can't see out of the back *Making 15 trips back/forth from the car to load/unload *Entire trip centered around feeding, naps, bed time, general grumpiness
You know, this compared with you and your wife just grabbing a quick bag and spending 2 days at the beach.
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Oculus Spirit [85339]
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Those trips back and forth to the car
May 13, 2020, 10:31 AM
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So many trips.
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All-In [29076]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 15470
Joined: 4/14/11
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CU Medallion [66085]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24719
Joined: 6/12/14
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I got you fam,
May 13, 2020, 11:29 AM
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aye, fatherhood is the only 'hood you can't leave, bruh. I see you all up and married to your woman. I'm married to the streets and part of a different 'hood.
On dat real doe
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Oculus Spirit [81078]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 56152
Joined: 9/13/04
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So in short, sounds like you're gonna need 1) a FAT wallet
May 13, 2020, 3:09 PM
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and 2)a vasectomy.
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Replies: 70
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