'Twas the Year Before Spurrier (long)

Dec 6, 2004, 9:55 AM

'Twas the Year before Spurrier
or Account of a Visit from the Old Ball Coach

'Twas the year before Spurrier, when all through the land
All the Coot Fans were happy, a bowl was in hand;
The Tigers were coming off a loss to the Devils,
They needed a win to become bowl eligible;

The Coots were nestled all snug in their seats,
They felt this was the year the Tigers they’d beat;
With Lou in his walker, and Skip in his shadow,
The Tigers and Coots prepared for the battle,

Clemson ran down the hill, and with Syvelle as their lead,
The Chickens would gather in their path and impede.
Around all the Tigers they would make their stand;
They pushed and they prodded and threw down the band.
Following the fracas the game did begin,
The Coots fumbled the kick, Tigers first and ten!
A touchdown would follow, along with another,
The Tigers hit so hard, it hurt all their mothers.

With the outcome of the game no longer in doubt,
Syvelle thought of a new way to keep the Tigers out.
Out on the field the Coots ruffled their feathers,
They went after Miller, Kelly, and Merriweather;

“Now, Turman! now, Telfort! now, Thomas and Jackson!
On, Taqiy! on Jermaine! on, Saint-Preux and Silas!
Punch them from behind the ref doesn’t care,
Don’t mind the fact that 8 on 1 isn’t fair!”

The game was all over, and so was the brawl,
The media ran wild, the fans were appalled,
Something had to be done about the whole fight,
Both ADs thought bowl bans would make the wrongs right.
And then, in an instant, We heard on the news
Lou was retiring, the Curse claimed him too
As he said his good-byes with a look of chagrin,
In came the Old Ball Coach, looking to win.

He was dressed in his bests, but minus the visor
A stint with the ‘Skins left him the wiser;
He wore a garnet tie with a Gamecock pin,
And it felt like ‘99 all over again.

The Coot Faithful all praying he would be the one
To reverse their Curse with his Fun and Gun!
He’ d won at duke, and at Florida too,
They erected a shrine right next to Old Lou’s;

The Old Ball Coach was now on their side,
The Coots drank his “Kool-Aid” and went for the ride;
What they didn’t know, they’re often irrational,
SOS came for the trips to Augusta National.

“You’re jealous we got ‘em, so take that you Taters”,
The Coots keep on saying, “you’re nothin’ but Haters.”
Tigers laugh in their face at statements so funny;
We know all along, we’re better off with Tommy.

Tommy spoke not a word, but went straight to the grind,
And signed all the recruits; the 4-star kind,
The Old Ball Coach was being turned down left and right,
The Coots didn’t care, they were caught up in the hype;

And so at the end of this what do we hear,
The same old Coot saying “Wait till next year.”
But all is right, shore as God is in heaven,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to Coots, 29-7!”