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Orange Blooded [2763]
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Providence Hospital Press Release on Steve Spurrier
Aug 2, 2007, 6:16 PM
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A spokesperson from Providence Hospital in Columbia, SC has stated that Coach Steve Spurrier of the University of South Carolina was admitted late this afternoon after complaining of pain in his lower abdomen and back. He was given extensive tests and doctors were happy to report that no surgery was required and he is resting comfortably at this time.
"The coach arrived at our facility and walked in unassisted but was clearly in distress. He complained of extreme pain in his lower back and abdomen. After a brief examination the problem was discovered to be the head of a fan embedded deep within the anus of the coach. Although it was relatively easy to back this fan's head from the coach's a$$, as it turned out, we discovered a large quantity of human hair and four ball caps impacted in his bowels. Clearly this indicated that this is not an isolated incident."
The coach is now sedated and resting. He will be released later this evening with instructions on protecting his anus from the butt-licking fans of the college football team. So desperate for respectability they are apparently willing to debase themselves by literally crawling into the lower bowels and large intestine of this scrawny, aging man.
Coach Spurrier was unavailable but a spokesperson released a statement saying, "the Head Ball Coach appreciates the fans and enjoys the rimming, but requests some restraint while he recuperates."
There were no further statements from Providence Hospital.
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Hall of Famer [24236]
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Was Phil Kornblut ok when they extracted him ?***
Aug 2, 2007, 7:02 PM
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CU Guru [1139]
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His first words are welcome to sportstalk********
Aug 2, 2007, 8:06 PM
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Aficionado [197]
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Nothing to see here, folks...****
Aug 2, 2007, 7:07 PM
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Orange Blooded [2763]
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Kornblut was seen leaving the hospital. With popped collar.***
Aug 2, 2007, 7:08 PM
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CU Medallion [53918]
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Orange Blooded [2637]
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Virtuoso [636]
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null [4379]
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110%er [9174]
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Legend [17786]
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All-Pro [651]
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Sports Talk brought to live from 6" up SOS's Butt.***
Aug 2, 2007, 8:21 PM
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Trainer [45]
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Re: Providence Hospital Press Release on Steve Spurrier
Aug 2, 2007, 9:17 PM
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Knew it was false, he would have gone to Palmetto Health. They partner with the University.
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Hall of Famer [24236]
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No moss on you coot***
Aug 2, 2007, 9:21 PM
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Orange Blooded [2763]
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Steve Spurrier Released From Hospital
Aug 2, 2007, 9:22 PM
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"Coach Steve Spurrier was released this evening from the hospital after a short stay for the extraction of a mullet-headed fan from his anus," said a hospital spokesman. " The Coach is otherwise healthy and can resume his normal activities."
Spurrier promptly urinated on the lawn before leaving by car.
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Athletic Dir [861]
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The best yet!***
Aug 2, 2007, 9:28 PM
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