Repost: Surviving Byrd Stadium -- Top Ten Things to Bring

Oct 25, 2013, 3:23 PM

For those of you who brave enough to head to Byrd this weekend, here's my survival guide from two years ago. I'll be the guy in the orange hardhat caring baby wipes. Good luck to the rest of you! At least it's the last trip there (thankfully)!

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Having been to several day and night (shudder) games at Byrd stadium, I've compiled a list of things to bring with you to give you the best chance of surviving unscathed:

1. A helmet/hard hat: This should not be a toy, but a true helmet, i.e., something sturdy, made from at least high grade plastic. Maryland fans, mostly students, will throw things at anything orange. This includes full (yes full) beer cans and bottles. These will be thrown at individuals and families. There is no discriminating: If it's orange, it's a target.

2. Earplugs or, in the alternative, a healthy ability to disregard profanity. This will also be thrown at anything orange, especially from students. The profanity will typically come in the form of a laced-together tirade, often from multiple, simultaneous sources, whether in the stands or as you pass fans in the parking lot or tunnels/walkways. It will get steadily worse as the evening progresses. Moreover, it doesn't matter if they win or lose.

3. A fire extinguisher. Maryland students love to burn things...anything: couches, lawn mowers, each other, automobiles, small dogs. Nothing is safe. Again, the desire to commit mass-scale arson occurs win or lose. See youtube.

4. Gaffers tape: Place this over the Clemson decal or license plate on your automobile. This is very important! Maryland students/fans will urinate on any obvious Clemson vehicle. I have seen this first hand, though, understandably, mostly at night games as there is less chance to be seen. Keep in mind that these fans have plenty of ammunition, so to speak, as they have been drinking (when not throwing) beers all day.

5. No children under 12. Kids need to be at least at an age where they can outrun the inebriated, beer throwing arsonists or, at the very least, have the ability to dodge thrown objects. If you must bring young children, make sure they are outfitted with the above items, namely a helmet and earplugs. You might also want to include a blindfold, especially for girls, as there will be plenty of public urination and nudity as you're heading back to your car. (When you do get back to your car, inspect the door handles carefully for any wet substances).

6. Baby wipes. For your door handles. Just in case.

7. Friends. Lots of them. This lessens the chance of being hit by a flying object as it provides more targets. Place children in the center of the group when moving.

8. A large bladder for tailgating. The most dangerous place in any parking lot at Byrd is the port-a-potty area. Drunk arsonists congregate in these areas. Moreover, standing in line makes you a stationary target -- not good.

9. Running shoes -- no heels, no flip flops. You know why.

10. A bright, orange shirt. Cause, screw 'em, you're a Clemson fan and you're going to support your team even if it means risking life, limb and your automobile.

Good luck and Godspeed.

Go Tigers!!!