Workplace Men's Room Protocol Violation

Dec 14, 2017, 1:49 PM

I need the wisdom of the TNET crowd here, as I am certain they are the renowned and acknowledged experts in this field.

Whilst visiting the men's room at our HQ an 8-stall work of art with a great handicapped stall on the far right which I selected for my afternoon constitutional, I was horribly interrupted from my creation of toilet gamecocks by a Buckeye from our quality group (his name tag showed under the stall).

Commode stall protocol, as I have known it for 50 years, dictates that each subsequent occupant of the stalls, like the urinals, should take residence in the stall farthest and most separated from the occupants already conducting their business. Today; however, Billy Buckeye sits his size 52 can in the stall next to my "wide-spread" handicapped stall and proceeds to deliver a bowel-shattering second eruption of Mt Vesuvius immediately filling the immediate 1500 sq/ft with a persistent nerve agent that woulda made Sadam Hussein Jealous.

This weaponized cocktail of a Taco Bell Gordita Crunch and 5-Alarm Chili sooo offended my olfactory that I started crying and simultaneously dry heaving. Just when I started to be able to breathe only mildly vomitous air, the Ole'Buckeye Blaster lets go a second rip that sounds like a gattling gun of pudding hitting a tin roof followed by the groan of a 800lb Grizzly bear.

At this point I couldn't take any more, I had to cease my peaceful expunging and run for the door. I am now 100% certain that either Ohio people are truly internally rotten or their male species gives birth to their young in workplace men's rooms.

Had Giaganto Urban Meyer and his stupid Buckeye shirt just taken the stall 7 down from me I could have escaped with out now life permanent lung damage and emphysema. Even a courtesy flush might have saved me from having to tote one of those Oxygen tanks, but no I am now polluted.

Now I got the guy's name, I know where his workspace is and he doesn't know who I am. What immature, puerile vengeance should I bestow upon this human fecal fountain? I know my fellow TNETTERS have dealt with these kind of matters. Please help.....Polluted in Perrysburg.