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Legend [18133]
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So, I had just finished having lunch at the Hawg N Dawg
Sep 13, 2012, 2:04 PM
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in Erwin. I'm walking down Main Street when I notice a guy on horseback coming toward me. It's not what you would call a hot day here in east TN today, but let me tell you, it's a bit too warm and sunny for a full suit of armor. People were stopping in their tracks to gawk at this spectacle.
Now, I'm not homophobic--really, I'm not. I report this next tidbit out of sheer amazement. I kid y'all not, I really think the horse this nut was riding is gay. I snapped a quick picture with my phone.
 Do y'all see the strange look to the horse's eyes and the angle to which his head is cocked? And prance! That is the only way to describe this animal's gait. Well, prance is one word; swishy is another. Anyway, back to what happened.
I'm taking the last draw of Dr. Pepper from my Hawg N Dawg to-go cup when I realize this nut is making a beeline for me. He steers his mount right for me, stopping inches from my face. He raises his face mask and points the tip of his standard at the tiger paw on my Clemson polo. We just stand there for a very long minute saying nothing. He keeps his standard pointed at my shirt, his horse's muzzle inches from my face, me staring incredulously at a guy in full armor on Main Street, Erwin.
"Is this horse gay?" I break the silence.
"What?"
"I didn't know there was such a thing as a gay horse," I explain.
"No. He's my trusty steed."
"Well, if he's not gay," I query (see what I did there?) "then why do you dress him all gay in that purple satin and sissy-looking bridle?"
"I don't know what you mean," was his weak retort.
"Well, I think this is the first gay horse I've ever seen, but never mind that. Are you nuts wearing a full suit of armor in this kind of weather?"
"I'll have you know, sir, I am a Paladin and your attire offends me."
I try another draw on the straw from my Hawg N Dawg cup, but get only melted ice. Frowning, I consider the words of the Paladin. "So?"
"So, sir, I felt it my duty to inform you that I am on a quest to rendezvous with my compatriots in Clemson and to rid the landscape of such offensive attire."
"Hmm. Well, good luck with that; you're going to need it. You planning on riding this gay horse all the way to Clemson?"
"I will ride my trusty steed to the place of battle," he spat indignantly.
"Well, good luck with that, too."
With that, the red-faced rider pulled on the reins and I got my first breath of fresh air in several minutes. The animal turned to the right and sashayed (I kid you not) south down Main Street. I swear, that horse was gay.
True story.
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Rock Defender [54]
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Re: So, I had just finished having lunch at the Hawg N Dawg
Sep 13, 2012, 2:08 PM
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Is Erwin a real place?
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Legend [18133]
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Re: So, I had just finished having lunch at the Hawg N Dawg
Sep 13, 2012, 2:15 PM
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You better believe it. They hanged an elephant here once. It doesn't get any more real than that!
Message was edited by: David78®
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110%er [5249]
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What I learned:
Sep 13, 2012, 2:11 PM
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Furman is home to the time-travelling fashion police of the 1300's.
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Legend [18133]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: What I learned:
Sep 13, 2012, 5:48 PM
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Yep. And they really hate orange.
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Enthusiast [115]
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So if it wears purple, it's gay.***
Sep 13, 2012, 2:49 PM
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Legend [18133]
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***Update***
Sep 14, 2012, 4:36 PM
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My ex-brother-in-law just had a similar encounter with the Paladin and his gender-ambiguous steed in Traveler's Rest. His Clemson polo was also the subject of the Paladin's attention/ire. Said the poor horse looked like it might die before making it the rest of the way to Clemson.
Might not be much of a contest tomorrow.
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Legend [18133]
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***Update #2***
Sep 14, 2012, 9:55 PM
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So, the Mrs. and I were tossing back a few at Calhoun's Tavern in Easley when who should drag themselves in but the Paladin and his "trusty steed." Well, I elbowed Mrs. David78® and said, "Dayum! They look bad!"
"Tell me about it," she couldn't take her eyes off them--like when you can't avert your eyes from the carnage of a horrible auto wreck.
They sauntered (I'm being very kind here) up to the bar and ordered with one word--"Whiskey."
The bartender threw his head in the steed's direction and said, "We don't serve his kind in here."
I got up from my seat and walked to the bar. "It's OK, Bud, I'm buyin'." (See, told you I'm not homophobic.)
Anyway, the Paladin and his "trusty steed" had their drink, seemed to get a second wind of sorts, and headed back down 123. Oh yeah, the horse was still sashaying, but not so flamboyantly.
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