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Oculus Spirit [81897]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 47116
Joined: 3/18/07
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Happy Turkey Day jungers.
Nov 24, 2016, 10:11 AM
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Life is hard for me these days, but I am thankful to still be on this planet, which includes you lovely degenerates. So I am thankful to be part of this community, and for all of you.
This is my second Thanksgiving alone and not going to family, which unsurprisingly consumes you with sadness. Compounding reasons for this year, the accident took away all of my PTO and I was already incredibly busy before I took a week off so I am working all weekend, it still hurts to go be with my family despite how loving and awesome they are, and I will be going home in three weeks for my brother's wedding. Side note - any suggestions for a best man speech?
My family's motto has always been "make the best of it". Which is fitting, and more recently for me "life is worth living" has been a sound reminder. I am a better person through all of this, and I continue to improve every day, and I want to thank you guys for having a role in it.
Go Tigers  .
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Heisman Winner [112363]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 61263
Joined: 8/22/01
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Turkeymail ******
Nov 24, 2016, 10:56 AM
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CU Medallion [54011]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 21055
Joined: 11/6/14
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Sorry it's not a very happy time for you, but I've written your speech for you in order to help out.
Nov 24, 2016, 11:11 AM
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"Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you personally for being here on this very special evening. And all you women that can't be called ladies with a clean conscience... I offer you a very special thanks for later and I want to remind you where I will be staying later on tonight. (Location of bed being slept in, mentioned here.). But before I get carried away and embarrass my brother and his new wife, it's important that we all remember why we are really here... And that special reason we are all here is for the free booze. So please drink up and don't forget to tip your bartender.
But seriously though, this really is a special occasion. Marriage is a very special time in an individuals life. It reminds me of another very special occasion that happens in a young man's lifetime and that is his circumcision. The only difference between then and now, is instead of taking his foreskin, this time she's taking his balls. Oh and about that circumcision stuff... (Brother's wife's name mentioned here) __________, you'll be missing that extra inch later on tonight.
Just a quick reminder to the single ladies, no need to fret when we get together later, I've got plenty of skin down there. Now I haven't always had plenty of skin down there, but recently I had a very invasive procedure that removed skin from various parts of my body and transplanted that skin to my manhood. If you don't believe me, just check out these scabs all over my body. Right now you see with your eyes, but later on, my body is your wonderland. Know what I'm saying? Yeah you do! (Point to hottest lady in the room or the oldest lady in the room. It works either way.)
Anyways... bro I love you! And to my new sister, I love you too. Welcome to the family. Y'all keep it real and let's all get our drink on. GO TIGERS!"
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Orange Blooded [2053]
TigerPulse: 93%
Posts: 1493
Joined: 10/27/16
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I closed my best man speech with
Nov 24, 2016, 11:16 AM
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Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away. *toast to bride and groom*
It seemed far fetched before I wrote it, but I tied it in so as to seem intentionally corny and over-the-top and it got a lot of good laughs and kind of eased the tension after the serious part.
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All-In [33418]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 32207
Joined: 2/20/04
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Happy Thanksgiving, yo...as far as best man speech
Nov 24, 2016, 11:17 AM
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Toss in a few light hearted jokes, but I think going from the heart plays better. DO NOT make any jokes about the bride to be. Don't tell any dirt about your bro that is super embarrassing and toss in a few stories about you growing up. Also, unless you are a great public speaker, write it out and practice at home so you can get more comfortable and see how long it takes. Try and keep it under 5 minutes
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CU Medallion [66079]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24716
Joined: 6/12/14
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Always there for you, man
Nov 24, 2016, 11:31 AM
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as long as you have some beer
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All-In [47841]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 21107
Joined: 12/22/98
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We are glad you are still here too
Nov 24, 2016, 1:31 PM
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especially me. Happy Thanksgiving to you from me and my family, krzy.
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All-TigerNet [10157]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 13970
Joined: 7/31/04
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Re: Happy Turkey Day jungers.
Nov 24, 2016, 1:44 PM
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Happy Thanksgiving... Hang tough! It all can get better!
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Oculus Spirit [97729]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 64865
Joined: 7/13/02
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Well, since we're on the topic....
Nov 24, 2016, 8:31 PM
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Went to eat with the cousins and my uncle today. My aunt passed away a few years ago. After spending time there eating, Mrs. Tiggity, I, and the 2.3 kids went to see my mother, who had her THIRD knee replacement last week. She's homebound right now, but recovering fairly well. We took her a few plates of leftovers. She's living alone now because dad is in hospice care (for most of the year now). She had a dog, the sister of my dog, but she had to be put to sleep a few months ago. My dog also was put to sleep a month later and had the exact same condition. She's selling my parents house to pay for dad's care, which comes in at around 8 grand a month. Then we went to see Dad. He's on a feeding tube, so we couldn't bring him any leftovers. He hasn't walked basically all year and is bedridden. Put a new picture up in his room of the boys tailgating at the Syracuse game.
I wish someone could stick a fork in 2016 because I'm done with years like this.
Message was edited by: Tiggity®
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