English Loos

Aug 10, 2018, 8:27 PM

Those English loos are as varied as the spots on a Dalmatian. It should be mandatory that a sign be placed on the door warning all who enter that this particular loo is different from all others and instructions should be read and followed by all users. There must be thousands of companies in the UK manufacturing loo equipment, each one having their own distinctive features guaranteed to confuse visitors from other countries.

During my recent visit to England I was made aware of these differences on my first visit to the loo in our hotel. The first thing one notices is, "where in the devil is the light switch to the throne room"? After a 10 to 15 minute search, I finally found the right one, located in the least of expected places. The room was flooded with lights but all in the wrong places. I could not even see my image in the mirror, which, on second thought, might not be such a bad thing. How can a loo have so much light and I have trouble seeing myself in the mirror? In another hotel, there was a light circling the mirror, a light so bright if equaled the light from two of our suns but again. I could hardly see my image in the mirror.

I've never been one to make a concerted study of toilet seat design. I've become accustomed to the old solid oval seat or the split oval seat but when I saw my first square seat I began to suspect maybe our English friends had developed square butts. I was a bit hesitant to sit down but the urgency of the situation overcame that thought. Things of this nature do provide an opportunity to make an entry in my diary that I experienced something new in the realm of toilet seat design. For a moment I thought this may be an experiment and I would be asked to voice my opinion about the merits of a square toilet seat but no one was there to record my opinion.

There are two features about the commode that can be considered a challenge to the occupant ---- where is the toilet tissue and how do you flush the darn thing? Be advised that before occupying the throne, locate the toilet tissue because it may be across the room out of one's arm length or somewhere that will require acrobatic skills to retrieve the tissue.

If you are lucky, some commodes may have the standard flush lever, the type familiar to most of us and requires no special skills to operate. But woe to those who find and try to figure out the newer methods of flushing. If it seems confusing, you may need the help of a Philadelphia lawyer. Somewhere about the commode will be a button which, when pressed, will initiate a flush. Some of these buttons are so difficult to push one may need to call for assistance. The two-choice flush seems to be the latest fad. Press the small tab and one gets a small flush. Press the large tab and one gets the force of a forty foot high broken ###. There are no instructions, or I could find none, on when to use the small flush or the large flush. This flush method does require some decision making and I've never been an advocate of having to make a decision of this nature. It seems to take the joy out of an official visit.

The clear glass enclosed shower stall seems to be the "in thing" in the UK. I call it the "show and tell" shower. I fully expect most hotels and motels will place chairs in the loos so others can observe how one is supposed to properly cleanse all 13 of one's vital body spots. I found the glass shower stall to be a safety hazard. A liquid soap dispenser was located in every stall and the shower floor was slippery from the spilled soap. I had to hold on with one hand when taking a shower. Consider it a bonus if you can figure out the hot and cold water lines and get the water temperature adjusted within 10 to 15 minutes.

In one hotel, there was a tub and shower, The tub was located on a raised base and was so high I thought I would need a step ladder to gain entry, By some extraordinary means, I was finally able to get in the tub but it was no easy task. It reminded me of a hotel in Miami, Australia. The tub was so high I had to lift my wife in and out of the tub.

Well, this is the latest on the English loos. But remember, when you pack your bags and head for Merrie Olde England, don't forget to include a wash cloth.

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English Loos

Re: English Loos

Been anywhere where it is just a hole in the floor?

lol good stuff Joe21.

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