Orange Blooded [2837]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 4277
Joined: 11/30/98
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The State of Gamecock Football(Long, but insightful)
Nov 22, 1999, 12:00 AM
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Gamecock Football 1999-2000
##### RULE !!!!!!!
The only USEC prognostication sanctioned by the Fighting Gumby Forum. This article is for entertainment purposes only, and past results are not a guarantee of future performance.
NOV 20, 1999: Clemtek defeats Carolina 31-21. Clemtek tightends carry Brad Scott onto field. FGF declares boycott of tight ends. Gamecocks win "Defend the Logo Bowl". Only 363 days until Carolina beats Clemtek.
NOV 21, 1999: Gamecocks win "OOC-Scrub Basketball Bowl" as Clemtek loses to Wofford in basketball. Nobody in Clemson really cares, since they are too busy reserving hotel rooms in Atlanta. Goalposts torn down in Williams-Brice.
NOV 22, 1999: Atlanta Omni declares all rooms booked. FGF announces boycott of OMNI hotels.
NOV 24, 1999: Court grants Keith Adams petition for parental custody of Phil Petty on the grounds that Mr. Adams has proven beyond a reasonable doubt that he is Mr. Petty's Daddy. FGF declares boycott of South Carolina courts.
NOV 27, 1999: Georgia Tech beats Georgia and claims Gator Bowl bid. Clemson and Georgia to Peach Bowl. FGF declares boycott of Bowl Games. Early FGF betting line on Clemson-Georgia is Georgia -35. Vegas line is Georgia -3.
NOV 28, 1999: FGF publishes official power ratings of 2000 opponents. 1. UT 2. UF 3. Bama 4. MSU 5. UGA 6. Arkansas 7. Kentucky 8. Vanderbilt 9. NMSU 10.(tie) Eastern Michigan/ Clemtek. FGF line moves to Georgia -38.
NOV 29, 1999: FGF line moves to Georgia -43. Vegas line moves to Georgia -7 as Gamecocks fans max out credit cards.
DEC 2, 1999: FGF breaks down Clemtek-Georgia game. Should be an easy win for Georgia because South Carolina has exposed the Clemson offense as a fraud. Vegas line moves to Georgia -10 as Gamecocks put January rent money on the line.
DEC 4, 1999: Planocock reports that Lou is closing on a bigtime QB, but Akron, Kent, and Rutgers are also pushing hard. Rumors circulate that Mike McGoo is on the verge of making a monster hire that will put Clemson football in the rearview mirror.
DEC 5, 1999: Lou Holtz begins work on Clemson gameplan.
DEC 6, 1999: Mike McGoo one-ups Clemson's hiring of Brad Scott by bringing in Ken Hatfield from Rice as Skip Holtz's assistant to help work out some of the bugaboos that kept USEC from being a national contender.
DEC 7, 1999: In a day that will live on in infamy, Ken Hatfield reneges on his deal and returns to Rice, taking Derek Watson with him. FGF declares boycott of Texas.
DEC 9, 1999: Lou Holtz grows tired of Gamecocks fans mobbing him in his office with declarations of undying love and devotion. Orders a goalline painted in front of his door so he can work on his Clemson gameplan in peace.
DEC 11, 1999: Vegas line moves to Georgia -4 as professional gamblers jump in with Clemson getting 10 points. FGF declares boycott of professional gambling.
DEC 25, 1999: Gamecocks celebrate Lou Holtz's birthday with a Rally around the Gamecocks in Williams-Brice stadium.
DEC 26, 1999: After a big Holtzmas dinner, Pinnock weighs in at 305 pounds.
DEC 30, 1999: Rally around the Gamecocks for the Georgia-Clemtek game. Goalposts torn down in Williams-Brice in anticipation of easy Georgia victory. Clemtek gimmicks their way to a 42-28 victory, as Woodrow Dantzler rolls up over 400 yards in total offense. Gamecocks turn off TVs at halftime and go to the liquour store.
DEC 31, 1999: Gamecocks declare moral victory. UGA moved to 9th in Opponent power ratings. FGF initiates an internet petition to have Georgia kicked out of the SEC. USEC gears up for the "Recruiting Bowl". Donnan burned in effigy at Williams-Brice.
JAN 03, 1999: Thousands of Gamecocks fans evicted from their homes for failure to pay rent. A shantytown named "Donnanville" grows up around Williams-Brice.
JAN 04, 1999: Internet connections installed in cockabooses and at "Donnanville".
JAN 05, 1999: Phil Petty Heisman campaign kicks off. ESPN adds Dantzler to list of potential Heisman candidates but snubs Phil Petty. FGF declares boycott of ESPN.
JAN 06, 1999: Shortage of refrigerator boxes becomes critcal as gamecocks continue to be evicted from their homes.
JAN 07, 1999: Pinnock returns from the Holtzmas break weighing 340 pounds.
JAN 08, 1999: Planocock predicts top ten recruiting class for Lou Holtz. Clemson expected to get the castoffs.
FEB 01, 1999: Rally around the Gamecocks held in anticipation of a big signing day.
FEB 02, 1999: Pandemonium in Williams-Brice as Lou Holtz annonces heralded recruiting class. The twenty fullbacks, tight-ends, and linemen stolen from topnotch programs like Vanderbilt, Ball State, and Iowa will insure that USEC can compete against the other smashmouth programs in the talent-laden SEC. Goalposts torn down as USEC notches a convincing win in the "Recruiting Bowl".
FEB 03, 1999: Concerned with the escalating cost of replacing goalposts, Mike McGoo orders the groundskeepers to paint goallines around them.
FEB 04, 1999: Clemtek's recruiting class ranked a consensus top-twenty haul by national recruiting analysts. USEC recruits unranked except by Phil Kornblut who names the USEC class top fifteen. FGF declares boycott of national recruiting services. Bronze statue of Phil Kornblut on horseback erected in front of Williams-Brice.
FEB 05, 1999: Mike McGoo orders 2000 SEC Champions Rings.
FEB 10, 1999: Pinnock's diet paying off, as he tops the 400 pound mark. Lou Holtz states that he finally has an SEC caliber tailback.
SPRING, 1999: Gamecocks win the "Spring Game Bowl". 25,000 screaming Gamecock faithful watch Garnet defeat White 9-6 as a svelte Pinnock rumbles for 250 yards. Phil Petty goes 2-2 for 15 yards, and the Heisman Hoopla is in full swing. Mike McGoo's prescience pays off as the goalposts prove invulnerable from both directions.
SUMMER, 1999: Gamecocks claim 8th consecutive SEC summer championship. SEC rings issued to the proud gamecock players.
AUG 26, 1999: FGF picks USEC to win SEC East and to be in the hunt for a BCS bowl. Clemtek expected to finish 5-6, with gamecocks to administer the coup-de-grace.
AUG 27, 1999: Clemson ranked #23 AP, #22 ESPN Coachs' Poll. Gamecocks unranked. FGF declares boycott of polls.
AUG 28, 1999: Lou Holtz continues feverish work on Clemson gameplan.
SEP 02, 1999: Williams-Brice endzones remain unthreatened as USEC drops a heartbreaker to New Mexico State 15-3. Pinnock rushes for 84 yards on 40 carries, and Phil Petty goes 5-8 for 42 yards and only 3 interceptions. Brad Scott hung in effigy. Moral victory declared, and 1st place in SEC east still up for grabs. 77 days til Carolina beats Clemtek.
SEP 09, 1999: In a nailbiter, USEC falls to Georgia 42-7. Pinnock rushes for 67 yards on 44 carries and bulls his way into the endzone against the underrated Georgia scout team. Phil Petty continues to pad his Heisman numbers with 7-11, 88 yards passing. The improving Carolina defense holds Georgia's first team offense to only 14 points, but two Petty passes are returned for TDs in the first quarter. USEC is second in the SEC East.
SEP 16, 1999: USEC celebrates Holtzmas early as the Gamecocks rout a scrappy Eastern Michigan team 14-13 due to a missed extra point as time expires. Pinnock rushes for 99 yards on 52 carries and two touchdowns, Phil Petty continues his assault on the record books with 102 yards passing. USEC football has turned the corner, and a BCS bowl is still a distinct possibility.
SEP 23, 1999: Another heartbreaker as MSU squeaks by a hardfighting Gamecock football team 38-6. A late rally falls short as Pinnock is stopped on the goalline late in the fourth quarter. Phil Petty looks impressive as he goes over 300 yards passing for the season.
SEP 30, 1999: USEC gives Bama all they can handle as Pinnock bludgens the Bama reserves for two late scores as the Gamecocks take Bama right down to the wire 58-14. Recruitng is really cooking as underrated linemen and fullbacks throughout the rust belt list USEC in their top five.
OCT 07, 1999: USEC holds Kentucky to 37 points in a narrow 37-3 setback. FGF predicts an easy victory over Clemtek since they run the same gimmicky offense as Kentucky, but without SEC caliber talent. Pinnock gets 67 yards on 64 attempts against a swarming Kentucky defense and Petty eclipses the 400 yard passing mark for the season. At 1-5, a BCS bowl is probably unlikely, but still possible due to the tough SOS rating for playing in the SEC.
OCT 14, 1999: USEC is ambushed by Arkansas 28-6 as they are caught looking ahead to the Clemtek game. A bowl bid is now a mathematical impossibility, but that will merely give Lou more time to put together a top five recruiting class. There is shock and dismay as USEC is nowhere to be found in the BCS rankings, while Clemtek, because of wins against weak ACC teams is ranked 14th. Brad Scott is hung in effigy, and FGF declares boycott of ABC and the BCS.
OCT 21, 1999: The intense preparation for Clemtek is really taking it's toll as USEC comes up just short in a desperate fourth quarter rally and loses to Vanderbilt 27-13. Petty vaults over 500 yards passing for the season, and has only 17 interceptions to go with his two touchdown passes. Despite all the national hype for other players at schools with a winning record, Phil Petty is surely in the mix for the Heisman.
OCT 28, 1999: In an effort to break the Gamecocks out of their doldrums, Mike McGoo has a replica of Touchdown Jesus erected in Williams-Brice. Unfortunately, Tennessee is just a bit too strong as they escape with a 42-9 victory.
NOV 11, 1999: Two weeks of preparation really pay off for master motivator Lou Holtz, as the fired-up gamecocks hold Florida to 54 points in the Swamp, frustrating Visor-Boy's promise to put a RUTS on USEC. The gamecocks have turned a corner by hanging with the Gators 54-6 despite looking ahead to the looming clash with Clemtek.
NOV 16, 1999: Brad Scott is hung in effigy as the Gamecocks prepare to deny 8-2 Clemtek an opportunity for a BCS bowl.
NOV 18, 1999: Lou Holtz shows that with a year to prepare, he can get his teams ready for anybody as the Gamecocks embarrass the overrated Tigers at Death Valley in an edifying 45-7 loss. Woodrow Dantzler is held under 600 yards of total offense, and the Gamecocks roll up over 170 yards on the hapless Taters, and put the stake in their heart when Pinnock bowls his way into the endzone late in the 4th quarter to cut the Clemtek lead to 38 points.
NOV 24, 1999: Clemtek is denied a BCS bowl, as they drop out of the BCS rankings due to the hit their SOS took from playing USEC. Unfortunately, USEC is denied a bowl bid despite their dismantling of the Tators, because the NCAA doesn't count moral victories towards the six wins required for bowl eligibilty. FGF declares a boycott of the NCAA. An appeal to SEC commissioner results only in a suggestion to drop football as a scholarship sport. FGF declares a boycott of the SEC.
NOV 29, 1999: Lou Holtz loses a tight race for SEC coach of the year, receiving zero votes. FGF declares a boycott of sportswriters and newspapers, especially The State.
DEC 06, 1999: Phil Petty is gypped out of the Heisman, receiving zero vote. FGF declares a boycott of the Downtown Athletic Club, and burns Brad Scott in effigy.
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