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Replies: 25
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Mascot [15]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 2
Joined: 4/18/19
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Dad joke Friday
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Mar 31, 2023, 10:51 AM
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Bored at work so I want to hear yall's best Jokes.
Heres mine:
Why shouldn't you trust trees?
They seem shady.
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110%er [5373]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 4038
Joined: 9/26/00
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"My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape...
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Mar 31, 2023, 11:12 AM
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That would be a big step forward."
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All-Conference [410]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 2068
Joined: 8/30/01
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What did the convicted cannibal choose as his last meal?
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Mar 31, 2023, 11:21 AM
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Five Guys....
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CU Guru [1366]
TigerPulse: 96%
Posts: 1398
Joined: 10/24/05
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An old lady walked into the bank I work at and she asked
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8
Mar 31, 2023, 11:23 AM
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me to to check her balance...So I pushed her over
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All-TigerNet [10782]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 6140
Joined: 1/28/04
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Re: An old lady walked into the bank I work at and she asked
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Mar 31, 2023, 1:13 PM
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why did the guy stand on one foot in front of the ATM?he wanted to check his balance.
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All-TigerNet [11200]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 5533
Joined: 11/22/15
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What is that.....
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6
Mar 31, 2023, 11:23 AM
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Made you look!
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Oculus Spirit [80350]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 23596
Joined: 8/21/06
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What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
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Mar 31, 2023, 11:26 AM
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1forrest1
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Hall of Famer [20273]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 834
Joined: 5/11/17
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I wondered why my wife's shoe was getting bigger and bigger
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Mar 31, 2023, 11:36 AM
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And then it hit me.
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CU Medallion [58415]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 46323
Joined: 4/23/00
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If you are sitting on the toilet at 11:59, and then the
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8
Mar 31, 2023, 11:46 AM
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clock strikes midnight, it's the same ####, different day.
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Heisman Winner [134499]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 26395
Joined: 9/18/12
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Y'all, these are funny!!***
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Mar 31, 2023, 11:47 AM
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CU Medallion [58415]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 46323
Joined: 4/23/00
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Bro, do you want this pamphlet?
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7
Mar 31, 2023, 11:48 AM
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Bro, sure!
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CU Medallion [65479]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 33267
Joined: 12/3/03
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Standout [308]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 427
Joined: 2/17/15
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What is the difference between a camera and a sock?
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Mar 31, 2023, 11:57 AM
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One Toe...
Sock has 5 toes and camera has PhoToes!
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110%er [5832]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 2124
Joined: 9/2/02
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Re: Dad joke Friday
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Mar 31, 2023, 11:57 AM
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Seems like the Hunchback of Notre Dame was getting on up there in age, and was getting tired of constantly having to ring that great, huge bell in the cathedral tower. so he decided to put an ad in the paper, for a bell ringer assistant. The ad ran for a week or so, and no one answered. The Hunchback was getting kind of frustrated with the lack of interest, in the job, when one day a poor guy with no arms shows up, and says; I want the job, I can do the job. The Hunchback looks at him and says; you have no arms, how are you going to ring the bell? The guy says; watch this, and he backs up for a running start and wham, face first into the bell. The bell rings with a loud boooiiiing. The Hunchback is really impressed, so he asks; can you keep on doing that? The guy says; sure. So he backs up, and lets loose about ten more times, each time face first into the bell. well each time he hit the bell with his face, he became a little more winded, and a little more wobbly in the legs. Finally he backs up gets a running start, and misses the bell. Out the other side of the tower, in about a 200 foot drop. The Hunchback looks down, and there's already a crowd starting to mill around the poor guy. As he gets down to the street where the poor guy is sprawled out, he hears someone ask; who the guy was. No one seemed to know. Finally the Hunchback says; well, I don't know who he is, but his face sure rings a bell.
There's a second part to this joke, but I'll leave that for another day.
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Freshman [6]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 5
Joined: 6/25/21
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A dentist just won "Dentist of the Year"
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Mar 31, 2023, 11:57 AM
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Know what the award he received was?
...a little plaque.
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Standout [308]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 427
Joined: 2/17/15
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What does a mathmatician do when he's constipated?
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Mar 31, 2023, 11:58 AM
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He works it out with a pencil...
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All-In [46390]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 4495
Joined: 9/24/06
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Re: Dad joke Friday
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Mar 31, 2023, 12:11 PM
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What does an invisible cat drink?
Evaporated milk.
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Hall of Famer [22689]
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Posts: 11548
Joined: 10/12/14
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Re: Dad joke Friday
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5
Mar 31, 2023, 12:13 PM
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I told a chemistry joke once.
There was no reaction.
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All-In [26013]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 20645
Joined: 7/31/07
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Re: Dad joke Friday
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Mar 31, 2023, 12:19 PM
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That's bad 232. It's Friday so you are forgiven.
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All-In [26013]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 20645
Joined: 7/31/07
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Re: Dad joke Friday
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Mar 31, 2023, 12:24 PM
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You know how Worchester Sauce got its name ? A guy walks into a steak house in Kansas City and orders a rib eye . They bring the steak to his table and also sits down a bottle of dark liquid. He looked at it said "Was this hear" ? I know, sorry.
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Oculus Spirit [93670]
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Joined: 12/25/09
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The scarecrow was awarded highest honor...
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Mar 31, 2023, 12:45 PM
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he was outstanding in his field.
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Legend [16375]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 9550
Joined: 2/21/06
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Mahatma Gandhi was an iconic personality with severe physical challenges.
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5
Mar 31, 2023, 1:04 PM
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He walked everywhere he went and did not wear shoes, thus his feet bore the scars of unforgiving terrain.
He subsisted on a sparse and simple diet, which perpetuated his gaunt and gangly physique.
His chronic malnutrition ensured a host of inflammatory maladies, not the least of which was chronic periodontal disease.
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious, he was a super-calloused, fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
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All-TigerNet [10782]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 6140
Joined: 1/28/04
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Re: Mahatma Gandhi was an iconic personality with severe physical challenges.
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Mar 31, 2023, 1:18 PM
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was that from the sound of music?
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Legend [16375]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 2/21/06
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Re: Mahatma Gandhi was an iconic personality with severe physical challenges.
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Mar 31, 2023, 5:01 PM
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It was from the musical “My Fair Lady Birthing Person.”
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110%er [7219]
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Posts: 6986
Joined: 11/30/98
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Re: Dad joke Friday
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Mar 31, 2023, 4:07 PM
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What would a fly be called if it didn't have wings?
answer: "a walk."
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Varsity [213]
TigerPulse: 92%
Posts: 118
Joined: 12/5/04
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Re: Dad joke Friday
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Mar 31, 2023, 4:17 PM
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A lovely well dressed couple from England stolled into a NYC bar and sat down next to a fat regular patron. Chatted breifly and the drunk hicked up his leg and let rip an enourmous farrt heard allover the bar. English guy said (in his brougue) "Sir, how you dare farrt before my wife."
Drunk replied " hell fella, I didn;t know it was her turn.."
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