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Replies: 40
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Oculus Spirit [81949]
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Coffee.
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May 16, 2024, 11:42 AM
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Someone help me with this; I obviously never got it. What's the fascination?
I get emails every week from sales dolts who want to talk to me "over a cup of coffee"--I just got another one 2 minutes ago. Why? Coffee isn't relaxing; it's the exact friggin' opposite.
Do they really want to fly 700 miles from EastBumfuck, Ohio to Charleston to drive 20 miles in terrible traffic just to see me start talking fast, and then immediately have to run to the bathroom to have explosive diarrhea for the next 10 minutes? Does coffee not do that to everyone else? Its like a colonoscopy prep with out all the Miralax.
If some sales weasel wants to try and convince me why his start up software program is ready to be put into production in a Fortune 50 company with 1/2 million employees, why not do it over a Natty light at The Southern?
I mean there's a better than 40% chance I won't brown my shorts in that situation.
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Oculus Spirit [86925]
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I don't drink coffee. It tastes horrible.***
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May 16, 2024, 11:43 AM
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Oculus Spirit [81949]
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And much like asparagus, I'll smell it every time I pee over the next 3-5 hours***
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May 16, 2024, 11:44 AM
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All-In [44293]
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I love coffee. It never gives me the assplodes, but I'm regular AF.
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May 16, 2024, 11:46 AM
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But I'm a no thanks on your sales call invite, I'm not interested.
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Oculus Spirit [81949]
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It doesn't give you headaches, make you all jittery, talk fast, confused
May 16, 2024, 11:50 AM
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and the aforementioned colon blow?
I cup of that ish ruins me for the day.
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All-In [44293]
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Nah man, no. #### no. But caffeine do be like that for some people.***
May 16, 2024, 11:53 AM
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Oculus Spirit [81949]
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Srsly...what is the benefit?***
May 16, 2024, 11:54 AM
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All-In [44293]
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For me, it comes down to I am awake, AND I don't murder everyone.
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May 16, 2024, 11:59 AM
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I also genuinely like the taste of good coffee (black), but it is definitely an acquired taste.
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Heisman Winner [106771]
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Counter Culture Hologram is the BEST store bought coffee bean out there
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May 16, 2024, 12:01 PM
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fight me. Straight black coffee, no sugar, no cream, just black coffee in a Yeti (tm) mug
I drink that shiddd every morning (when it is on sale)
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All-In [44293]
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One night a couple weeks ago I was a little drunk and spent $100 on getting
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May 16, 2024, 12:06 PM
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2 pounds of 100% Hawaiian coffee shipped to me straight off the farm.
Worth it.
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Hall of Famer [24754]
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Re: One night a couple weeks ago I was a little drunk and spent $100 on getting
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May 16, 2024, 12:13 PM
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Gin and online shopping are a dangerous combo
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Hall of Famer [24754]
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Re: Srsly...what is the benefit?***
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May 16, 2024, 12:00 PM
[ in reply to Srsly...what is the benefit?*** ] |
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If it doesn't cause problems like you are describing, it's a great natural stimulant (that's not bad for you). I don't function appropriately in the morning if I haven't had a cup of coffee.
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Hall of Famer [24754]
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Re: Srsly...what is the benefit?***
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May 16, 2024, 12:06 PM
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Plus, weekend morning coffee dumps are a great pleasure of life.
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Oculus Spirit [81949]
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I've never met anyone who enjoys cleaning explosive splatter
May 16, 2024, 12:14 PM
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off the toilet.
Learn something new every day I guess.
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Hall of Famer [24754]
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Re: I've never met anyone who enjoys cleaning explosive splatter
May 16, 2024, 12:20 PM
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It's coffee, not Prune juice
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All-In [28745]
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for folks that get headaches the caffeine helps
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May 16, 2024, 12:04 PM
[ in reply to Srsly...what is the benefit?*** ] |
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a cup of black coffee also full of antioxidants
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Oculus Spirit [81949]
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Thats kinda like voting for the guy that caused all the problems.
May 16, 2024, 12:07 PM
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The coffee is the CAUSE of the headaches.
If I didn' drink the coffee, well...you get the idea.
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All-In [28745]
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Re: Thats kinda like voting for the guy that caused all the problems.
May 16, 2024, 12:10 PM
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it causes you headaches? cures mine.
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Oculus Spirit [81949]
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Every. Time.
May 16, 2024, 12:12 PM
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If I have the time for a headache and a massive colonic explosive extrusion, I'll have some coffee.
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All-In [28745]
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gotcha. makes sinsemilla.***
May 16, 2024, 12:15 PM
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All-In [26708]
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Coffee = cheap date
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May 16, 2024, 11:50 AM
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Golf = expensive
Meal = expensive
Paragliding = expensive
Talking over coffee = Cheap
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Heisman Winner [106771]
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so it getting a couple rocks and smoking crack behind a dumpster then
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May 16, 2024, 11:57 AM
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racing cars down the interstate on foot, but you don't see alot of business deals done that way.
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Heisman Winner [136389]
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So, your company doesn't cover the Gastonia metropolitan area I guess.***
May 16, 2024, 1:39 PM
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All-In [28745]
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had a cold brew and going into common grounds in greensboro
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May 16, 2024, 11:55 AM
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have a lunch meeting. going to grab 4 espresso shots and have lunch. keeps me hoppin for the day versus say - doing rails.
smarty puffs alert - sideways pic! sideways pic!
my dumbassery has little shame.
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Oculus Spirit [86925]
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That's what I'm here for
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May 16, 2024, 12:03 PM
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All-In [28745]
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my dude thats sweet sweet love right there
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May 16, 2024, 12:08 PM
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BOAISY
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CU Medallion [56226]
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Tea > Coffee. Facts.***
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May 16, 2024, 12:04 PM
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Heisman Winner [106771]
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spelled that wrong
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May 16, 2024, 12:04 PM
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assume you meant
Tea > Coffee
-fags
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Oculus Spirit [81949]
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Yeah sweet tea doesn't bother me, usually.
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May 16, 2024, 12:06 PM
[ in reply to Tea > Coffee. Facts.*** ] |
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But sometimes Groucho's tea will give me the shakes and a helluva headache later.
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All-In [44293]
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I can't drink sweet tea, too much sugar. Maybe I am just a bitter and you sweet.***
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May 16, 2024, 12:08 PM
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All-In [44293]
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Joined: 3/1/18
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CU Medallion [67021]
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It's no longer Chewsday innit ?
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May 16, 2024, 12:10 PM
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have a scone with gravy you twaty ####
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CU Medallion [56226]
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You mean China, Taiwan, Sri Lanka or India? That's where you can mainline it.
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May 16, 2024, 12:11 PM
[ in reply to GO BACK TO ENGLAND LUV*** ] |
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They grow the goods. Engerlund only made it palatable for your average Brit. In the motherlands they don't even drink the Earl Greys or even the Lapsang Souchong. Those are "Western" teas.
Great tea place for the real thing next to the market down in Chawstun.
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All-In [44293]
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You have done the tour at Charleston Tea Plantation, I assume?
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May 16, 2024, 12:19 PM
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It's pretty cool, I learned a lot. Like green tea and black tea are same plant, just different treatment of leaves post-harvest.
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CU Medallion [56226]
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I have not, but correct re: green & black. All the same plant for all teas.
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May 16, 2024, 12:26 PM
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Now the real trick is the processing. There's fermented (black), semi-fermented (oolong), and non-fermented (green) but on top of that there's aged tea, special processed teas, wild tea, etc.
In my tea stash I have:
Oolong
Milk Oolong
Lapsang Souchong
Ceylon
Green Jasmine (green tea rolled in balls with jasmine flowers)
Irish Breakfast
Iron Goddess of Mercy
Pu-Erh
Young Hyson
If all one knows of tea is English styles or Sweet Iced Tea, milk oolong and pu-erh will blow your mind.
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Heisman Winner [120865]
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Its polite to offer a hot beverage
May 16, 2024, 12:47 PM
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😎
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All-In [42739]
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If you're gonna meet, beer/real drinks is the better option
May 16, 2024, 12:54 PM
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But coffee is the #### (despite giving the #####). I guess if it's a morning meeting, sure. That stuff supercharges the brain in the morning.
But if they insist it has to be Starbucks, they can go F themselves.
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All-In [44293]
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Starbucks is great for people who don't like coffee.***
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May 16, 2024, 12:57 PM
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Oculus Spirit [81949]
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Its always sales dolts from some other state.
May 16, 2024, 12:58 PM
[ in reply to If you're gonna meet, beer/real drinks is the better option ] |
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Srsly..no one is traveling here to buy me coffee. Why do they even have a cold call email that says that? Are people that hard up for...coffee?
Like the Indians calling me from Pakistan trying to get my SS number and address 4x a day..I guess they wouldn't do it if it never worked.
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Oculus Spirit [98324]
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Well, you definately don't want to talk to me unless I've had 2 cups
May 16, 2024, 1:51 PM
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I drink it every day, but this wasn't always the case. I was TOLD I would start drinking it in college cramming for exams. Nope, a borrowed Ritalin was all I needed for that.
Then I was told I'd drink it when I started working. Got to to get going. Noope.
Then........we had kids and only then did I learn what true sleep deprivation was.
End of story.
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All-Conference [433]
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Re: Coffee.
May 16, 2024, 2:12 PM
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Drink it all day every day. Straight-up black. Do not need any double decaf half cap with half and half 2 shots of caramel, 1 shot of marshmallow, a shake of cinnamon and no whip (I'm on a diet).
Just get your #### coffee and quit holding up the line. BTW, local shops only. You can have all the Star-making-Bucks.
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Replies: 40
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