Pigskin Prophet: Gold chains and returned car flags edition

by Pigskin Prophet - Contributor - Thu Nov 02 15:41:29 GMT-04:00 2017

You have to love college football season, the time when the Pigskin Prophet earns most of his money. And I usually earn it because a lot of college football coaches, programs and fans don’t have a lick of common sense.

In fact, the Prophet will get rich this week thanks to Wal Mart and the University of South Carolina.

In case you haven’t noticed, the Gamecocks are 6-2 overall. But the record lies. Sure, the Gamecocks beat NC State to start this season, but Pack outgained the Gamecocks 911 yards to 23 yards. Turnovers did them in.

The rest of the wins have been against the following powerhouse programs – St. Igantius School for Cats (Mizzou), Duck Dynasty Dock Workers (La. Tech), The Charlotte’s Web Reading Group (Arkansas), the Knox County Dog Shelter Volunteer Group (Tennessee), and the Motown Commodores (Vanderbilt). That is not a scary group, but it has South Carolina fans thinking they are good, so they’ve traded in their beer and cigarettes for car flags, jerseys and T-shirts.

Here’s the kicker: they play against Georgia this week, and none of Georgia’s players are in jail or working community service. That means South Carolina loses. By a lot. And back to the store go all the items that were purchased this week.

And because of the people who had such items, they can’t be resold to the general public without a lot of chemical treatment, so they are using my trucks to haul them to the dump.

Thanks, Gamecocks.

No on to some picks:

SATURDAY

PENN ST. AT MICHIGAN ST.

It was all there for the Nittany Lions. They only had to beat Ohio St. and the path the College Football Playoff was wide open. Instead, they let a quarterback who couldn’t complete a pass last season become the second coming of Joe Montana. They regroup this week, but is it too late? PENN ST. 31, MICHIGAN ST. 13

FLORIDA AT MISSOURI

If they hold a football game and nobody cares or is there to see it, did it really happen? FLORIDA 9, MIZZOU 7

SYRACUSE AT FLORIDA ST.

Things have gotten so bad down at FSU that little Jimbo Fisher has bought elevator shoes just to make himself feel better. The Noles were eaten alive by the Eagles last week in Boston, and you have to wonder if the embarrassment will continue this week against the Orange. The thing I didn’t see coming last week was the fact that the FSU players gave up. They quit. Syracuse won’t quit. CUSE 27, FSU 23

SOUTH CAROLINA AT GEORGIA

Jake Yugo and the Yard Birds travel down to Athens to see if they can cook up some Dawg for a pre-Thanksgiving feast. However, young Mr. Yugo (who is just 41 and should only be in the third grade) has been feasting on the Sisters of the Poor this season. This week, he gets the Bulldog defense, and this pack of dogs loves chicken. They love it so much they’re gonna be using chicken bones to pick the feathers out of their teeth by halftime. DAWGS 34, CHICKEN FEATHERS 13

CLEMSON AT NC STATE

Clemson is NC State’s Homecoming opponent, and Pack head coach Dave Doeren is hoping that a liquored up crowd and the full moon helps his team win this crucial ACC Atlantic Division showdown. The Pack lost in desultory fashion last weekend, and in the same spot last season the team quit. They won’t quit this week, and they’ll throw the kitchen sink and everything else at the Tigers. This one will be fun to watch, and for Clemson fans, it will be a nail-biter. CLEMSON 24, NC STATE 23

OKLAHOMA AT OKLAHOMA ST.

Ah, another one of those Big 12 rivalry games. That means points. A lot of points. I mean, seriously, a lot of points. The teams will combine for more points in the first half than South Carolina has scored all season. Who wins? The team that has the ball last, of course. I flipped a nickel, and it says OKLA ST. 59, OKLAHOMA 52 IN THREE OT

LSU AT ALABAMA

Ah, good old Alabama. They’ve played a schedule eerily similar to the one played by the Gamecocks. The difference? Bama beats teams 59-0 while South Carolina wins 15-9. The Tide will get stressed this week by a talented LSU squad, and things might be a bit uncomfortable into the third quarter. Then coaching, talent and the depth chart begin to show and Bama wins by double digits. Somewhere, Les Miles will smile while Ed Orgeron says, “Well, dah ding to ta boo off tackle wut inta dat booya.” BAMA 31, LSU 16

VIRGINIA TECH AT MIAMI

I have to admit, when I think about Miami fans I think about somebody named Tony, who wears gold studs in both ears, a New York Yankees cap, twelve gold chains around his neck with teardrop tattoos, and more attitude than sense. That is why I cracked up when I saw that if the Miami defense makes a great play, the player gets to come to the sideline and put on the “Yo, Tony!!!” special gold chain, on special this week at Guido’s Pawn Shop in Belle Glade this week for $49.99. The gold chain will stay in the box this week. Tech takes control of the Coastal. VIRIGNIA TECH 27, MIAMI 21