Pigskin Prophet - Week 6


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It’s time for another edition of the Pigskin Prophet, whether you want it or not.

But, you have to admit; it has been a fun season so far with upsets galore and teams that were ranked in the top 10 to begin the year falling down in a dark hole never to return.

This week has tons of fun story lines that we can follow, including the fact that Clemson actually gets to play a game at home, South Carolina actually plays a team not in the NAIA and Logan Thomas actually completes a pass.

In case you didn’t notice, GameDay is going to Columbia, S.C., this weekend for the Georgia and South Carolina tilt, which is usually good pub for the state. Unfortunately, there will be a lot of Gamecock fans in some of the live shots, and that kind of kills the mood with all of the mullets and gang shootings going on in the background.

Also, I took the advice of someone who commented last week and wrote about less games and did longer picks. If you want more games and smaller picks, then I will do that. It’s not like I am very busy – my real job is President Obama’s debate advisor…..so I have a lot of time.

But I digress….let’s just make some picks. And keep in mind, it’s all in fun, so don’t take it too seriously. Unless you do.

FRIDAY

PITTSBURGH AT SYRACUSE

I am not sure if this is a Big East or an ACC matchup. Either way, it’s just bad and I can’t think of one good reason that anyone would want to stay home on a Friday night and watch this. Unless you just love college football so much you want to spend your Friday nights watching this…ummm…crap. Pitt has actually beaten Virginia Tech (which will finish last in the Big East but maybe first in the ACC this season) and lost to some school for the deaf and blind. You simply don’t know what you’re gonna get with these guys. Syracuse plays its home games in some convention center/basketball arena, and honestly, the plumber’s conventions held there are more exciting than Orange football. If I have to pick a winner….
PITT 17, SYRACUSE 16

SATURDAY

ARKANSAS AT AUBURN – Here are two teams that entered the season with high hopes, but Arkansas’ season was derailed back in May when their head coach took a bike ride with a young hottie and got his you-know-what caught in a vise. The Pigs have just been dreadful, both at Wal-Mart and away from Wal-Mart, while Auburn has been almost as dreadful for a couple of years now, the only signature win over South Carolina a year ago (snicker). This week, the two Goliaths (snicker) collide in an epic (snicker) battle that I am simply going to call the Snicker Bowl. Auburn head coach Gene Chizik’s program has been searching for a quarterback since Scam Newton graduated (snicker) and left the for NFL. Rumor has it he has been calling Logan Thomas’s dad (he’s so tall) to see if Logan wants to play at Auburn next year, but Thomas’ return calls were intercepted (snicker). But this IS an SEC matchup, which means it will be fun to watch (snicker) because of all the great athletes out on the field (snicker). Chizik finds his best slogan of the season in honor of Petrino – Melts in Your Mouth and Not In Your Hands – and sends the Pig Girl into another crying fit…….WAR TIGER EAGLE BUZZARDS 22, ARKANSAS 17

VIRGINIA TECH AT NORTH CAROLINA

Awww, Buffy and Brentley and Scooter get to host their mountain friends in a game held at AFAM Stadium in Chapel Hill. The good news is that Va. Tech defensive coordinator Bud Foster stood up for his defense this week, and should get a great effort out of them. The bad news is that Logan Thomas (HE’S SO TALL!!!) and his Heisman campaign are still playing quarterback. Thomas is actually ninth in the ACC in passing, just ahead of Tanner Price (Wake), a freshman at Maryland and a running quarterback at Georgia Tech. North Carolina has been interesting not because of their football team (I don’t even know their record), but for all the scandals that are floating around Chapel Hill right now – we have cheating and jobs for sex and all kinds of stuff, and that is just in John Swofford’s Suite. I am guessing that because Virginia Tech still has a chance to win the Coastal Division, Thomas comes out on fire and has his best game, causing ESPN’s Heather Dinich to throw herself out of the press box in ecstasy. He completes three of his first 14 passes for six yards and two interceptions while Dinich picks herself up off the turf and updates his Heisman page. It doesn’t help….UNC 28, VA. TECH 20

LSU AT FLORIDA – FINALLY!!! A game we can be serious about. Les Miles and LSU have now completed what seems like a 19-game out of conference schedule against heavyweights like Towson and Idaho and my church flag football team (we lost on a late holding call, dang you Ron Cherry!!!). This week, they head to the swamp to take on Troy Landry and his swamp gators, which have risen to No. 10 in the national polls because they are in the SEC. I kinda like Les Miles because he suspended a player and he is actually missing games, unlike what ole Stevie did with Stephen Garcia (didn’t Spurrier suspend Garcia 19 times, and the boy never missed a game?). Miles isn’t a great coach, but boy does he have a lot of talent. More talent than Florida at this point. But this one is in the swamp, and crazy things happen in the swamp….FLORIDA 20, LSU 17

GEORGIA TECH AT CLEMSON – Over the past six games against the Bees, Clemson has seen them run 982 plays for 5,989 rushing yards. Or so it seems. Paul Johnson loves to out-coach someone, and Dabo SwinneyDabo Swinney
Head Coach
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has been his foil. However, Al Groh’s defense has been porous and bad – almost as bad as Clemson’s but not quite – and this one has the makings of a shootout. I can absolutely guarantee you that my lock of the week is that someone will score (TURN UP THE U2!!!) in this game. Tech has a 50 minute edge in time of possession and runs 131 plays – and still loses. Chad MorrisChad Morris
Offensive Coordinator / QBs
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doesn’t have a radio host wrapped around his legs during the game, so he will be sharper. CLEMSON 48, BEES 31

GEORGIA AT SOUTH CAROLINA – This one should be fun to watch. Many folks will be watching this one to see if Spurrier – who will be wearing a beach hat instead of his visor – actually sees Ron Morris, throws a tantrum and heads to the beach. Spurrier has gotten offended at comments that question his sanity (we all know he’s nuts, Morris just said it) and decided to throw a fit, much like a 13-year old girl who just discovered her friend is talking about her behind her back. The 13-year old whiny girl has a pretty good defense, however, and this one is going to be fun to watch. The difference may be in the coaching – Mark Richt wants a championship ring, while the 13-year old girl settles for fifth place rings. Hmm…And the battle could come down to Jarvis Jones versus Connor Shaw’s shoulder. I am betting on Jones…….DAWGS 31, DOO DOO ICE 26


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