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Topic: I don't understand what I need to change.
Replies: 70   Last Post: Jun 14, 2020 8:43 PM by: TigerFanX2000®
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I don't understand what I need to change.

[29]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 3:41 PM
    Reply

I grew up on a large farm not far from Clemson, on Hwy. 88. I was 5 or 5 1/2 years old. 1947 through 1957. The only other people living on the farm were two Black families. Both families had kids about my and my Brother and Sister age. We all became best friend. Inseparable. I would spend Weekends at their house and they at mine.
We didn't call them back people, we called them by their name. I can't remember ever thinking that we were different. Because they were not. They did everything the same as me. They loved each other, cooked and ate together, worshiped together, had fun together. And they included me in all of this. I remember going to Church with them, it was way more fun than our Church.
Yes, I loved them and I missed them just like I did my family. Later in life, my mother told me that Pete worked at the Pickens Hospital. So I went to see him. ( late 6o's) It was a good reunion, but different. I could see that life hadn't been good to him. He looked much older than me. I wondered why. I have never forgotten the hurt I felt for him. I never will.
For a long time I remember wishing we could be back playing together in the Creek and Cotton fields. Those days are among my most cherished memories.
Love comes ? from the heart, not the mind. I will never change. But change needs to happen from both sides.
I understand this is not about football, but this is where the conversation is.


You said something important: you didn't see race.

[13]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 3:58 PM
    Reply

THAT is what it will take to truly heal racism.

2020 white level member

Brad Brownell: all-time winningest coach in Clemson men's basketball history, and only coach to beat North Carolina in Chapel Hill.


Re: You said something important: you didn't see race.

[6]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 4:02 PM
    Reply

Bingo. More people need to realize this.


Re: You said something important: you didn't see race.

[4]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 9:14 AM
    Reply

So naive.

This not recognizing race thing is HOW IT USED TO BE! even in the south.

The race hustlers will NEVER let you not see race because it is how they profit - from the division and strife.


Re: You said something important: you didn't see race.

[5]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 4:13 PM
    Reply

I agree with that to an extent. I also believe people should be proud of their race though. So to say not to see race may not be correct. Race should not matter but I think it may be okay to see it. We should stop with all this black and white stuff tho. We are all people and we are separating each other by saying black people and white people. My kids are 3 and 4 and have never asked about race. They have had teachers and classmates that do not look like them but they just see people as people. I hope to keep them that way. Idk what the answer is really. I know I can become friends with anybody no matter the race and that has never been a reason for me to not talk to somebody.


Re: You said something important: you didn't see race.

[1]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 4:15 PM
    Reply

And that is why you are a good mom or dad

2020 orange level memberbadge-donor-05yr.jpg

I agree that it’s okay to recognize that we are all different.

[10]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 4:19 PM
    Reply

The interesting thing is, in our current society, being white is bad but being a minority is good. How often are minority cultures celebrated for their food, dress, speech, etc.? All the time. It’s something to be flaunted. Diversity!

But if you’re white? Don’t you dare be proud of it, or you’re a bad person. And if you’re a minority, don’t do anything to make yourself “too white” or you will be criticized.

2020 white level member

Brad Brownell: all-time winningest coach in Clemson men's basketball history, and only coach to beat North Carolina in Chapel Hill.


Re: I agree that it’s okay to recognize that we are all different.

[5]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 4:58 PM
    Reply

Yep and you now have all these famous people pretty much forced to say thing they dont mean because they are scared of how they will be viewed. Like Brees taking back what he said about kneeling. Goodell now saying he was wrong for the Kap situation. We need to stop all this back and forth and just love each other but the media will continue to push the narrative. I just believe everything has a lot more to it than just race. We have many minorities growing up in bad places and poor places. I think that plays a big role in how people are viewed. I believe a lot of it is not because they are black or white but that the cops are on alert more in the hood. People in stores are going to feel threatened when somebody walks in their store looking like a gang member. It has nothing to do with color imo for the most part. Of course this is not always the case but I would like to think it is more than not.


Re: I agree that it’s okay to recognize that we are all different.

[1]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 8:15 PM
    Reply

So whoever TD'd my post you believe Brees really thinks it is okay for Kap to kneel or that Goodell really wants Kap back in the league? What do you disagree with in my post? Just wondering?


That just simply isn’t true

[1]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 8:04 PM
    Reply

White people celebrate their various heritages all the time. Whether it be Irish, Italian (used to not be considered “white”), German American, polish etc.

Or if you aren’t into your family lineage people celebrate simply being American or southern, Texan, midwestern or whatever.


Re: That just simply isn’t true

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 12:46 AM
    Reply

I think he’s referring to things like Black History month, etc.

2020 white level memberbadge-donor-05yr.jpg

BS wake up

[2]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 9:12 AM
    Reply

There is no White American month, no Irish American month, no Male’s History Month. Get out of your liberal bubble.

If you can’t see the political correctness everywhere ask a friend to point it out for you.


Re: BS wake up

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 3:11 PM
    Reply

Every day is white male day. You have to be incredibly fragile to get so worked up about trying to bring light and appreciation to the culture of minorities and the downtrodden.

2020 white level member

Male history month? White history month?

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 4:01 PM
    Reply

Are you being serious? about 80-90% of what we learn in history class is male and white. God forbid 1 out of 12 months be dedicated to black history.


Also look up “St Patrick’s Day” for a little Irish heritage information.


Re: Male history month? White history month?

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 8:22 PM
    Reply

80-90%? Seen the latest US History books?


Re: You said something important: you didn't see race.

[3]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 5:10 PM
    Reply

I believe time is the answer as there has been less racism with each generation as proven by your children.

2020 white level member

THANK YOU

[2]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 8:51 AM
    Reply

It’s important to remember how far we’ve come. We still have things to work on but people act outraged like it’s the 1700’s out there.

I’m more of a positive outlook person and there has been a lot of positive change around racism. I agree, It will continue to get better over time

2020 white level memberbadge-donor-05yr.jpg

The media will make sure we all see race. Trust me.***

[2]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 11:21 AM
    Reply

And the D party will continue to convince people that they are victims. Until people stop falling for it, we are always going to have problems.

Message was edited by: TigerFanX2000®


2020 purple level member

Re: You said something important: you didn't see race.

[1]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 4:13 PM
    Reply

Thumbs up to you both. That is what it takes - to change one heart at a time, and you just illustrated that proximity and relationships matter.

2020 orange level memberbadge-donor-05yr.jpg

Re: You said something important: you didn't see race.

[2]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 5:06 PM
    Reply

And that % will continue to improve with each generation.
A good portion of us only attended school with blacks for a couple years. In the last 45 years black and white kids have schooled together since kindergarten.That improves racism as you don't focus on race as much.
Also the fact that biracial marriages and biracial children are increasing at a fast rate.
Things have and will continue to improve with time.

2020 white level member

Re: You said something important: you didn't see race.

[1]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 5:07 PM
    Reply

Until we can all look into the mirror and not see color race will always be an issue.

2020 white level member

Re: You said something important: you didn't see race.

[5]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 5:38 PM
    Reply

You can't not see color, unless you are blind. It's great that people are different. But don't treat people differently because of the color of their skin. People can be proud of their ethnicity, and celebrate their ethnicity, but don't use it as a weapon to say one group is better or worse than another. Bad behavior needs to be called out.

2020 orange level memberbadge-donor-10yr.jpg


yep. Saying “I don’t see race” Actually isn’t helpful

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 4:04 PM
    Reply

Kids notice differences from very early ages and ask curious questions about it. It’s important to not shy away from their curiosity and teach them that people look different but none are better than any other.


Re: yep. Saying “I don’t see race” Actually isn’t helpful

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 4:39 PM
    Reply

What age because my kids have never asked me about people looking different except for somebody in a wheel chair.


But from ALL sides.***

[1]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 5:12 PM
    Reply



2020 white level member

Re: But from ALL sides.***

[6]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 5:38 PM
    Reply

Thank you. Couldn't agree more. I am white and retired and worked my butt off to get here. I like to trade stocks and generally watch CNBC during the day although I don't agree with much of what they say. I loved one of the other comments about the media being the problem. They try to breed discontent. Anyway I am sickened by the parade of CEO's (mostly white) in the last two weeks saying we need to do more for diversity. None of the commentators had the guts to ask them how much their (and their exec teams) total compensation has increased in the last 10 years (while their workers salaries stayed stagnant) and how many jobs did they send out of the US and how many H1Bs did they hire. Also how many changed from defined benefit plans to cash balance plans wiping out a large percentage of their employees pensions. Did it affect their pension ? (No) Why didn't their company invest in disadvantage areas with mentoring programs and apprentice programs. On the black side they need to accept responsibility for their actions. You said it's hard to clime out of poverty and crime. I agree having come from a dysfunctional family. Why are 70% (go ahead and Google it) of black children born into single parent homes. Ask Deshaun how tough that is. They cry that education needs to change. They need to stay in school. Three people I greatly admire grew up in the projects but made it through the same education system as whites (Ben Carson, Herman Cain, and Charles Paine). Finally we need to elect better people. While I see Trump as the only current alternative, why can't we get someone like Col. Allan West to run for president. He is the most brilliant politician I have seen since Reagan.


Re: But from ALL sides.***

[4]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 8:05 PM
    Reply

I agree with you, about Col. West, but remember he only lasted one term in the House. He wasn't black enough, had not been down for the count, and God forbid was conservative.

2020 purple level member


That’s right, being black doesn’t matter if you are conservative

[2]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 10:17 PM
    Reply

or if you speak well. In that case, you’re acting too white.

2020 white level member

Brad Brownell: all-time winningest coach in Clemson men's basketball history, and only coach to beat North Carolina in Chapel Hill.


You should post more. Well said

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 8:54 AM
    Reply

The media is divisive. It’s been going on for longer than I realized. It’s gotten to the point that they love it.

2020 white level memberbadge-donor-05yr.jpg

The word "all" is not accepted around here.

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 3:45 AM
    Reply

Or anywhere.

2020 student level memberbadge-donor-10yr.jpg

There's something in these hills.


I bet he sees it now though.***

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 8:35 PM
    Reply




Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[5]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 4:15 PM
    Reply

“But change needs to happen from both sides”

Why? Maybe some individuals need to change something, but I do not feel that way. I like and dislike people of all races. Most people, I have no opinion of, because I do not know them. I do not discriminate, I have zero influence in the names of buildings. I never infringe on anyone’s rights. I’ve worked everyday for most life. Paid tons in taxes to help others. I am not on a “side”, and I do not need to change. That’s my problem with this “message”. Because I’m white, I need to change something about myself. Maybe I’ll start a new movement called “woke too”. My motto: Wherever you are in your life has absolutely nothing to do with me.

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Maybe individually you don't need to change....

[5]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 6:00 PM
    Reply

But, you could still help make a change? I would hope that we all could agree that this world could be a kinder place all around.

2020 white level member

Pretty clear what it’s building up to...

[2]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 7:01 PM
    Reply

When in doubt, follow the $$...

Just think about it awhile. You’ll figure it out.

2020 orange level memberbadge-donor-10yr.jpg

Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[1]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 9:51 PM
    Reply

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=MsJnxlXepsY


You don’t need to change.

[3]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 4:27 PM
    Reply

The people who need to change are those who fear that Black Americans are trying to take something from them and that by giving equal rights to all Americans is somehow going to affect their way of life negatively.


Re: You don’t need to change.

[2]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 5:01 PM
    Reply

Agreed. We all need to want everybody to have the same chances and love each other for who they are and not what they look like. It's just hard for change somethings because the majority of the low class in America are not white. Idk how to change that. Some of it is because of racism but some of it is because it's hard to climb out of the hole of being poor and living in a life of crime.


Drug laws that were designed to

[1]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 5:55 PM
    Reply

incarcerate black Americans have contributed greatly to this problem.


Link that shows that was the intent. Not the result, but the

[5]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 6:29 PM
    Reply

intent, which is what you are claiming.

2020 purple level memberbadge-donor-15yr.jpg

"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard."
- H. L. Mencken


Notice how he had no response. It's ridiculous to suggest

[3]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 7:20 PM
    Reply

that drug laws were designed with the intent of incarcerating a specific race. The results are not driven by any intent, other than the intent to clean up drugs. Making umiversal laws that apply equally to all people has nothing to do with the personal choices, and selling drugs is solely a personal decision. Don't want to be incarcerated? Then don't break the laws. Simple.


For you and Savage. The words of John Ehrlichman,

[2]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 12:40 AM
    Reply

Nixon’s Chief of Domestic Policy

“The Nixon campaign in 1968, and the Nixon White House after that, had two enemies: the antiwar left and black people. You understand what I’m saying? We knew we couldn’t make it illegal to be either against the war or black, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroin, and then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities. We could arrest their leaders, raid their homes, break up their meetings, and vilify them night after night on the evening news. Did we know we were lying about the drugs? Of course we did.”


Nixon’s drug laws are the foundation of our drug policy today. Our government did this to Americans.

Do your fuggin’ homework!


You gave him the link.... *** crickets******

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 12:53 PM
    Reply



2020 purple level memberbadge-donor-05yr.jpg

Re: Drug laws that were designed to

[3]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 7:58 PM
    Reply

Don't break the law don't go to jail. You act like no white people are in prison or were arrested. It's not always about you but that is the way you want it.

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It wasn’t the laws dude it was the cia distributing crack

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 9:01 AM
    Reply

To black inner city neighborhoods

2020 white level memberbadge-donor-05yr.jpg

Read the reply to Smiling above. It most

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 2:54 PM
    Reply

definitely was the laws, their deign, and intent. That which came after, was built on a horribly flawed foundation.


Re: You don’t need to change.

[4]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 6:08 PM
    Reply

A large percentage of welfare recipients are white. Not a majority, but being white doesn’t mean you’ve got it made either.

2020 orange level memberbadge-donor-10yr.jpg


Re: You don’t need to change.

[2]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 7:02 PM
    Reply

Yep my family and I just moved out of section 8 housing less than a year ago. Not in the hood tho and not really around bad people. Many people who live in government housing are in big cities with tons of crime at their apartments. It sucks for people who are good people and stuck in the situation.


I don't know any white Americans that feel that way.

[3]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 6:27 PM
    Reply

That's the bullshat in this narrative. I'm sure that there are some who believe that, but they are a fringe, almost insignificant minority.

2020 purple level memberbadge-donor-15yr.jpg

"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard."
- H. L. Mencken


My thoughts exactly. I don’t know any white Americans

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 9:07 AM
    Reply

That are that ignorant either. A wacky fringe of outliers does not define us.

2020 white level memberbadge-donor-05yr.jpg

Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[4]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 4:31 PM
    Reply

Enjoyed the read. I am a white male who grew up next to black families. My brother & I grew up playing with kids of all races. I attended a highschool with kids of every race & befriended them all. Then I went into the Marine Corp & shared a room in my barracks with Hispanic & black men. Never once did I have any negative situations. We all were truly a band of brothers. I really can't relate to a lot of what the media says is going on in society because I've always had friends of different races & was taught to treat all people equally. I guess it depends on how you grow up & the exposures you have.


Same here. I always attended school with many races, and

[2]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 5:17 PM
    Reply

had friends (and non-friends) from all of the different groups. This was from Kindergarten through Clemson. Same at work afterwards. Friends of all flavors and have never known any different.

2020 white level member

Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[1]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 6:10 PM
    Reply

Well you are 1 person. There are issues for others. Keep it up though.

2020 white level member

Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[2]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 6:12 PM
    Reply

A lot of good in this thread!

Personally, I feel like many of you.

I grew up with plenty of diversity around me both in the south and midwest, in small towns and military stations, and played organized sports into high school at a public school.

Never once disliked someone because they were a different shade than me.

I have disliked plenty of people based on their character and actions.


Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[8]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 6:38 PM
    Reply

That is a great question. I would like to share something with you that I have experienced over the last couple of weeks that have made clear some changes that I have to make. I want you to know that what I am telling you is coming from a place of love and is in no way meant to be sarcastic or condescending.

I am a white man married to a black woman and the recent events over the last several weeks have had a profound affect on me, my wife and our relationship.

After the murder of George Floyd, I could tell she was acting a little differently. Sharing things on FB that she normally doesn't share and just not seeming like herself around the house. I did not address it because I thought maybe she just needed a little space. That night we went to bed and we were laying there, like we always do, me watching TV and her with her head on my shoulder. I could feel her heart beating out of her chest. My first thought was to address it the next day because I had to be up at 4 the next morning to go to work, but I asked, "Babe, is everything OK"? She said she wanted to talk to me about something and this lead to a conversation that lasted until 0230 in the morning.

These are the cliffs notes of that conversation that pertain to your original question:
She told me about how hard it is for her to make friends. She feels compelled to let people know that her husband is retired military and let them know where she works so people don't see her in a certain way. We have moved around a bit throughout our 13 year marriage. Her father is also retired military so she moved around a lot as a kid. She doesn't have life long childhood friends, so "new" friends is all she has. For whatever reason, those new friends are usually white and it never fails, when those "friends" start to feel comfortable around her, comments are made and jokes are told that people would never say unless they felt like she was "cool" or "one of the good ones". She would always shrug it off for fear of being the "angry black woman". This made her think , if people are saying these things around me and I am black, what are people saying around my white husband. Truth be told, people make the same comments and jokes around me, and while I don't condone it, I haven't always spoke out against it. That's one thing that I need to change.

She also told me about a time that she was pulled over. She told me about how she almost broke down in tears for fear of her and our kids' lives. She felt like she needed to show the Policeman her school ID and logo on her shirt so he would know that she wasn't a threat. I have been pulled over several times and other than the normal butterflies, I have never felt fear. She told me how when we walk around in Lowe's, she feels like she can't put her hands in her pockets because she is scared that she may be seen as a shoplifter. Again, I walk around stores all the time and this never crosses my mind. So this leads me to the 2nd thing that WE have to change and it pertains to the biggest lie that we have been fed all of our lives. "Except for our skin color, white people and black people are exactly the same". Our differences go much deeper than that. We experience things differently. A traffic stop and a quick trip to the store is different for my wife and your childhood friends than it is for me and you. So putting the car in park, turning off the ignition and keeping their hands on the wheel is not enough to make them feel safe. The fear is real even though the threat may not always be. If you knew my wife, you would think it is ridiculous for her to feel this way, but she does.

This leads me to the last thing. So why was her heart beating out of her chest? This is a woman that I love, respect and admire. Why was she so nervous to talk to me about this? It's because every time she tries, I immediately begin to explain her words away. Not always because I have a different opinion but sometimes because I know she's hurting and I want it to stop. Even though I am coming from a place of love, I am telling her why she is wrong to feel what she is feeling. My perspective is not always needed or important at that time. I just need to listen and support if need be. I was kind of indifferent to the Black Lives Matter movement for a while. The term All Lives Matter made more sense to me. But we have to ask ourselves, does this include black lives? If it does, then why are we all not pissed off that a human being was murdered in the middle of the street in broad daylight? What led up to the incident it not important to the movement. I got in trouble in Jr High and I was called to the principal's office. I pleaded my case to my dad when I got home and he asked if I told the principal all these things. I said I tried but she wouldn't listen. He asked, did you jump up and down on her desk? I told him No Sir, but I was thinking, jump up and down on her desk, what in the world is he talking about? When things matter, you scream and shout until someone hears you. BLM is jumping up and down on our desks. What is keeping us from getting behind this? Why are we not as mad as the people marching? Why do we bring up the looters when Black Lives Matters is mentioned? Why do we have to explain it away with "all lives matter" or back it up with some stat that is taken out of context? The 3rd thing WE have to change is understanding that our loved ones are hurting, it is real and there is no explanation that can make it better. I am ashamed to say that black lives did not matter to me because, for whatever reason, I was unwilling to say it and get behind the movement. I didn't feel the same passion about an unarmed human being being murdered and that is wrong. We have to say it and mean it: Black Lives Matter.

In short it is not enough to have black friends, family and loved ones. We have to stand up for them and behind them and make their passion our passion.

I believe you made the subject of your post "I don't understand what I need to change" for a reason and I read it for a reason. God bless you and yours. I hope this helps

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Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[3]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 7:14 PM
    Reply

Thank you for sharing that. We can all feel your heart and sincerity. I’ve said this multiple times in other threads and it needs to be said until it’s heard. We are all pissed about what happened to George Floyd. We all support the statement black lives matter. But we must reject the BLM movement. It is Marxist. It has nothing to do with racial harmony. Please support other groups that have a true heart for racial peace.


Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[1]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 7:53 PM
    Reply

thanks for sharing, that story works both ways... until people stop seeing color and start seeing individuals; MLK's I have a dream speech thesis, the problem will never end.

God
Virtue
Family
Education

Next time she hears something she is uncomfortable with, she should ask "why would you say that?" and perhaps correct the issue on the spot...

And sometimes people try too hard, humor, etc. ill conceived phrases not meant to harm...

Sounds like you have an awesome wife, thanks for your service and items 1-4 above will go a long way toward not caring what the chattering masses have to say... we all have personal issues.

Go Tigers.

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Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[1]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 8:16 PM
    Reply

Thank you for the kind words, and not be confrontational, but your 2nd and 3rd paragraphs are perfect examples (I know you meant nothing but good by typing them) of what we have to stop doing. There is nothing that SHE should do in that situation. SHE is the one who is in fear of being seen a certain way. These are not just friends that she can cut ties with. They are co-workers as well.
She, you and me should not hear those things and should not have to correct them. Your advise (my advise in the past) is a way of minimizing what she is experiencing.

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Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 10:14 AM
    Reply

Sorry to hear that. And I'm not here to lecture you, debated even answering the post.

"There is nothing that SHE should do in that situation. SHE is the one who is in fear of being seen a certain way."

You cannot fix something by osmosis, you can't wish it away. I can't speak to your wife's specific issues, nor do I really want to open a dialog about your personal issues. We are not going to solve this on this forum for sure.

IMHO, your wife should be exactly who she is, not someone else's version of who they think she should be, or version she thinks she should be. She was made in God's image, as we all are. I'm certain as a brat and military spouse she can stand on her own two feet and make the closest of friends. It's one of the few benefits of that lifestyle, you have to be able to make new friends and they become life long friends. I will state it again. We all have to stomach people we don't agree with or don't necessarily personally like. That's life. (arrogant Carolina fans for one).

God
Virtue
Family
Education

Those are the building blocks of a great individual, great individuals don't have racial issues, only very flawed people have racial issues.

In my 30+ years in the military I never met a person who cared what color the person working next to them or for them was, could not care less, I cared the they did their job and did it well. As a pilot I put my life in their hands every day, every one of them. And they never let me down. That's not to say it didn't happen or didn't exist. Thats to say it was rare and if brought to someones attention the correction process started on the spot.

Lastly, you cannot fix what you don't acknowledge. I will just leave it at that.

Go Tigers.

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Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[2]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 7:57 PM
    Reply

Why does she feel scared in Lowes with her hands in her pocket tho? Has she ever been accused of stealing before? Why was she scared of the police? Has she ever been pulled over and had a bad experience? I'm not knocking her I'm just wondering why she feels like way. Does she assume the white cop is going to be a racist or that the white man at Lowes is a racist? I agree we almost all have made racist comments but I have with my friends that are black and they have with me and they do with each other. Maybe it is wrong but we dont do it in a degrading way just making fun of the fact that people actually use to or still now seriously be that way.


Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[1]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 7:59 PM
    Reply

Just playing devil's advocate. I am truly sorry your wife feels that way and it is sad and she may have merit for feeling that way. It is changing though I believe. Y'alls kids will not feel that way when they grow up imo. At least I surely hope not.


Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[2]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 8:59 PM
    Reply

No, she has never had a bad experience that I know of. Her thoughts are irrational to you and me. We cannot understand and we don't have to. I can't understand why a person with claustrophobia freaks out in an elevator, but they do.
No she doesn't assume these things, she fears it.

military_donation.jpg

Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[1]
Posted: Jun 13, 2020 9:07 PM
    Reply

It is just a shame that it is that way. I really like to think that most people are not racist like that and that she shouldn't feel like she does but there are those out there that confirm her fears. I wish I knew the solution because she should not feel that way and I do not believe most places she goes in looks at her that way but I guess I try to see the good in people and I believe most people are good.


Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 10:22 AM
    Reply

Excellent post Teddy! Your explanation of what your wife revealed to you is very poignant and really helps me better understand my black friends.


Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 4:25 PM
    Reply

"Why was she so nervous to talk to me about this? It's because every time she tries, I immediately begin to explain her words away. Not always because I have a different opinion but sometimes because I know she's hurting and I want it to stop. Even though I am coming from a place of love, I am telling her why she is wrong to feel what she is feeling. My perspective is not always needed or important at that time. I just need to listen and support if need be. "

That right there is the single-most important thing I've learned while married. It applies to any type of concern between two people, especially close people. You can't always solve or even understand, and it's best sometimes to not try to.

2020 white level member

Clemson


Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 1:46 AM
    Reply

I had basically the very same childhood and teenage years as you and for the same reason. My only friends up until I started school at age 7 were black. As you I loved the families of my black friends, and I have kept up with my best friend ever that is black, and we still talk about every month still today. They never said or used the N-word, not while I was around anyway, and I didn't know what the N- Word was until after I started school bc my mom and dad never used the Word at all. So I really didn't know what it meant when I first started hearing it when I was 3d or 4th grade, and I can still remember how really mad I was knowing what some white people thought of my best most love friend that I had ever had, and I still have that friend today....

2020 white level memberbadge-donor-10yr.jpg


Must be amenable to irrationality...

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 6:53 AM
    Reply

Must seek to PACIFY the horde, at all costs; when the attention seeking mob is in "full-on conniption fit mode"? surrender & submit to their unreasonable demands.


Re: Must be amenable to irrationality...

[2]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 8:38 AM
    Reply

BLM is the most 'racist' organization since the KKK...If you really want your life to matter, then you use a tried and true system...1st Be a great husband or wife...2nd Be a great father or mother and love support and teach your children...3rd Serve your country (military is good)..4th Become a first responder (police, fire, emt) serving others as your job...5th Respect everyone else, their life liberty and property...6th Obey the civil and moral laws to support #5...Go to church to get a moral foundation (bible is the basis of civil law) 6th Respect yourself, take care of you. 7th Be careful in your associations or actions.. 7th When you leave a place make sure it was better than when you came...8th Listen to the small voice...there are right things and wrong things and none of them just revolve around you! Or you call all of the above BS and wait for George Soros, Okra Windfree and the marxist media to make you a hero and when you do you will already have failed! Watkins and Watson have already failed....Dabo is worried!


Re: Must be amenable to irrationality...

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 10:20 AM
    Reply

You are right on many things you said, but it appears that a wonderful and heartfelt message has fallen on deaf ears. Maybe when you experience getting pulled over by a cop for the 8th time for having done nothing wrong, then maybe you will start to show a little outrage. Many of us white men and women have not experienced what it is like being black, so it is understandable that we don't know what it is like. It is easy for us to tell them what "they" ought to do. Dabo is right ...... maybe it is good to listen for a while. I don't know how old you are, but it took me many decades before I started to listen.


Re: I don't understand what I need to change.

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 10:20 AM
    Reply

Excellent!


I agree, both sides need to change.***


Posted: Jun 14, 2020 3:52 PM
    Reply



2020 purple level memberbadge-donor-05yr.jpg

I'm not changing a thing. I respect all people,

[1]
Posted: Jun 14, 2020 8:38 PM
    Reply

regardless of color and always have. No person that I don't know gets to tell me what I'm thinking in my own head. That's where all of this is so flawed. In order to completely stop racism, there needs to be some magical spell that controls people's thoughts.....until that happens, people are going to be racists no matter how many laws are passed or programs started to "end it."

All of this is assinine. What all of this is going to do is make people who aren't ordinarily racist, racists....and those who are racist already are going to hate even more.

I personally have nothing to prove to anyone...white or black.

Message was edited by: TigerFanX2000®


2020 purple level member

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