I have hope again... (long)

Jan 11, 2017, 11:34 PM

First off, not to say I told you so but...

http://www.tigernet.com/forums/message.jspa?messageID=20826883

I know A LOT of people felt we were going to win the National Title on Monday but I KNEW it was going to happen. The one thing I left out in my post was that I dreamed it. Even though I did tell a few people back in November.

Note: I'm really going to put myself out there with this post so save your negativity.

2016 was a ###### up year for me personally. At risk of going into too much detail, I lost two family members, a dog, witnessed another death, & fell into a dark place again as my marriage is ending and my personal life has fallen apart completely.

TBH, I am still not in a good place mentally but as usual, Clemson football was a way for me to escape.

I don't have dreams about the outcomes of games often. I have actually only had three or four. But they're always right. If I dream we win, we win. If I dream we lose, we lose. I usually don't believe it b/c it will seem far fetched but it always happens how I foresee it. The weird thing about the dream I had back in November was that despite the fact we won the game, and I attended it, I was all alone. Everyone was going crazy, jumping around celebrating, partying out into the streets but I had no one to share it with. No one to call. No reason to really enjoy the win like everyone else. That's really the reason why I didn't post about it.

Fast forward... I made it to Tampa. I traveled alone but, as is the case with almost everyone, I met up with Clemson people. My loneliness started to fade slightly. But my ticket was a single and the stress of the game made me think maybe I was wrong, maybe running into people I sit with at home games and old friends was a jinx. As I sat there alone in the sea of orange trailing 14-0... I felt the last little bit hope I had been hanging on to, start to slip away. I said a prayer, not to win or anything like that but I asked God to just give me hope that I'll be okay. That my life will actually change for the best this time. That some how, some way, this #### storm I'm dealing with mentally WILL work out for me and I can have peace.

Not too long after that, the game started to change. Momentum shifted and we got on the board. At some point in the third quarter the crowd seemed to morph. It actually felt like the crowd went from 60/40 Clemson to like 75/25... It is impossible to explain but I think most Clemson fans could feel it happening.

The fourth quarter we would not be denied. When we pooch punted I knew we'd get the three and out. When we took the lead, I knew they weren't done and when they scored and I looked up and saw 2:07 and two timeouts I literally thought to myself "We're going to win this game with no time left." I was wrong here but not by much.

I sat in section 144. Right in the corner of the Clemson end-zone where Mike WIlliams caught his TD, where DW almost flew in for another and where Hunter Renfrow earned "Legend" status.

When the clock hit zero everyone was going nuts. I started high-five'ing everyone in section, possibly stadium. I'm not kidding my hand is still bruised from it and I didn't even feel the pain until Tuesday after I got home.

I have never experienced anything like after that last TD pass. Grown ### men and women were weeping. Not simple tears of joy but like full on ugly crying. People were hugging and jumping up and down like nothing I've ever seen before. I'm not gonna lie, I had some confetti issues as well.

But it was in those moments that I remembered my dream again. In my dream I was alone. In my dream I jumped up and down and celebrated but it quickly passed and I was sad.

It was about that time that Dabo got on the mic and started his speech. He said at one point, "Only God can do this..." and then Ben got on the mic and gave a shout-out to Tahj, Stephon Anthony, Nuk and all the other former players I that's when I realized my dream was wrong. In my dream I was alone. I was not alone. In my dream I was sad. I wasn't anywhere close to sad. In my dream I had lost all hope. I have hope again.

A lot more things happened from when the clock hit zero and when I got home Tuesday night, including watching/listening to the "Homercast" on the watchespn app. If you haven't seen it, go watch it on espn3. Seeing how Tahj reacts as we win is incredibly powerful to me. I know I don't really fit in with that group of players Ben mentioned but in my own way I like to think that I helped at least do something to get us where we are today. I mean, I told CJ Spiller between his JR and SR year at Clemson that if he came back I'd make him a tribute and it worked, you're welcome

!

God and I aren't the best of friends but He told me what I needed to hear and I think maybe I'll be okay some day. I could definitely still use some prayers.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Go Tigers!

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I have hope again... (long)

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