Greatest Joke Ever !?

Aug 1, 2013, 12:36 AM

Spurrier home featured in Home & Garden Article:

As we approached the home, we couldn't help notice the security warning post stating, ''Trespassers will be shot. Press members will be shot twice. China Hut III delivery driver, just honk thrice.'' A casual doormat read the following, ''This is a Carolina Home. Not to be mistaken for the Carolina in Chapel Hill though, DABO!''

As we entered the hallway, we couldn't help but notice all of the movie posters. One we took note of was Deliverance and we brought it up to the coach. ''Yea thats a classic. Written by a fella from USC. Good film. Personally I think folks are to harsh on them mountain guys. Them folks are alittle confused but I'm sure they're good folks... oh uh over here is my Rocky IV poster. Yup I like that one also. Ole Stallone but it on that Draggo aye!''

As we made our way down the hallway, the first room we visited was the master bedroom. ''Not to fancy. But its where my wife taught me how to run a two-minute drill. I show her my no huddle offense. We like the post pattern the best though.'' As if that didn't leave us speechless, we couldn't help notice the poster cut out of Danny Wuerfel above the bed. We didn't ask for a comment on that.

Next we entered the master bathroom with its luxurious tile and enormous Roman shower. ''Oh uh, sometimes we're running late in the mornin's so we just shower together. Yup... backs towards each other though, no funny stuff. No Hail Mary's thrown to often in here. Maybe the occasional read option. I try and read her mood and its usually to option out of my advancing defensive end.''

Perhaps the most overwhelming room in the house is the ''man cave'' with its elaborate SpongeBob theme. ''Yeah I like that ole SpongeBob. Hes a character. The guy knows how to have fun, always cuttin' up and whatnot.'' The room is equiped with a yellow sectional sofa complete with the likeness of the coachs favorite large eyed, open mouthed character, Gary Busey. We also noticed a Coors Orginal neon sign and even a dartboard featuring the likeness of Nick Saban. ''We don't much care fur ole Nicky. But thats not at all because I wish I had a program like his... all those conference titles, championships, but I digress.'' There was also a framed collection of Justin Bieber ticket stubs.

Exiting the man cave we made our way to the guest bedroom. ''This is where Jr. used to stay but he moved out. He kept inviting GA Mangus over and given our close proximity to an Elementary school.... you know what Stevie Jr's gone. Enough about that.'' We took note of the Billy the Bass hanging from the wall and unfortunately we activated the device. The coach then stood aloof in front the singing fish, laughing histerically for 20 minutes, as we noted a trail of urine puddling underneath him. We couldn't help but ask about the Sex and the City poster. ''Jr likes that ole Jessica Parker. I do to. Shes a sessy woman ya know.''

Later we made our way to the kitchen, much to our dismay. ''Yea we don't spend a lota time in here.. CAUSE SOMEBODY AROUND HERE WON'T COOK!'' Shortly after we heard screaming from down the hall stating, ''Go hell Steve! Why should I cook when your just gonna go to Arby's later!'' We saw a number of cute little crayon pictures hanging from the refridgerator so we used it to change the subject. ''Coach are these from your Grandchildren?'' Adorning a smile he replied, ''No those are from Jadeveon. He really likes his art class. Here you can see he made me a blue duck. He's so creative... a blue duck. Nobody's ever done that before. He's a regular Stephen King with those crayons.''

Lastly, we found ourselves in the garage. ''This here Mazda Miata is my baby. I get in that thing and zip around town. It'll fly. Zip, Vroom, VRRRR... eeeeek. Yea that Red Beauty sure does haul. Over here is my Delorean, just like the movie. I've had it up to 88mph but we still hadn't traveled in time. But uh, I think its about time for yall to go. I gotta check out Heather Dinich's blog before Ice Road Truckers comes on, so I'll see you guys later.''

We left with more questions than answers.

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