It has come to my attention that our feathered friends in Columbia do not win many important football games. To put it mildly, their record against top 25 competition is somewhat abysmal to say the least. At least they have the 1969 ACC championship, cocaine George, the introspective Manafold and the immortal Tommy Suggs.
At the risk of helping them out too much, I would like to propose they consider switching their mascot from a lowly chicken to Captain Gloat---"Greatest loser of all time." This fictional mascot would be able to shape shift into any Avenger type action hero they wished. It would be able to expunge all their old records at a single swipe, fabricate new statistics and invent football heroes from thin air. Instead of the chicken crowing over their loudspeaker, they could have Captain Gloat speak of the SEC titles they have won so often.
This post has made me hungry. I am off to KFC--finger lickin good!