errbody gather round for a tale

Jul 6, 2017, 8:51 PM

The day was Saturday July 1, 2017

It was hotter than two fluffy foxes fuching in a wool sock.

I arrive at the scene to be told that our poverty wedding will be having 30 kids and everyone is from West Virginia so who knows what kind of McLovin family tree they got going on.

We set up the bar with FBCoachSC® favorite beer combo, Corona and Stella. A fine $4/bottle Sauvignon Blanc and our finest $4 bottle of Cabernet will be served out of plastic cups because poors.

Father of bride asked us to ice down the red because it was so hot outside, so we did. He makes his own wine back home and knows how to best handle $4 bottles.

Bride has one child of her own and one with the groom. She still wore white.

Unfortunately, nobody died during the ceremony while it was a balmy 98.

There is a plated dinner service and everyone is packed in like sardines and the wine is flowing.

One dude is vaping on the porch and starts pouring something into a cup of coke cola. Two other fellas see this and take offense that he would roofie a girl at a wedding. They kick his #### out real quick like. His girlfriend was not informed of why he disappeared with no explanation. Lots of tears and drama amongst her and bride and mother of bride and various bystanders.

After it's all said and done, it was just one big misunderstanding. Dude was pouring some Crown into the coke because he wanted likker drunk and it was crap beer and wine only. "roofie" victim was at the bar and i asked her what was going on. She informed me she was the victim and clearly she was not roofied. Said his GF probably asked for the crown, so what is the big deal.

Father of Bride and groom disagree on the readmitting of alleged rapist. Father of bride gives vulcan death pinch to groom while informing him that he had spent less than Lakebum1® did on a photographer for the whole wedding. That's when the 5-0 showed up for the first time.

Things are relatively normal for a bit until little chunk takes off his shirt and crushes the dance floor. All the while the bride's sisters are 16-ish and keep coming back to the bar. The CS02 in me said to go ahead and let em drink. But, i want to keep my job and don't serve them. Somehow they don't figure out to just have ANYONE else order a beer for them. Once we serve it, we really don't care who ends up with it.

One dude who must live on IOP with wilbur82® offers each of the 3 of us bartenders behind the bar $20 each to drink a beer with him. We pocket the $20 each and don't put it into the tip share jar. We swear to never speak a word of it.

The party winds down with no much fanfare. Until the Take Me Home Country Roads Circle Jerk.

We work like a bunch of Tharealdonjuan's to get this place cleaned up. We leave the Obed®work for the crew of robertn®'s brethren to finish up.

So we are sitting around the basement and crack open a round of Stella's to celebrate surviving the wedding. AS soon as we do we hear a commotion outside that makes about as much sense as a typical aerozeptallica® post.

We run upstairs to see a dude with a man bun and a bloody face. It looked like a warlord of RH Tig stature had had his way with him.

Mother of bride is screaming it's not his fault and he just wants to clean up before his gf (bride's sister) sees that he has been in a fight. She comes running out of the venue and obviously sees his bloody face. She screams at him and he pushes her aside like one of H8nusc®'s neighbors would do at the trailer park. He chases other dude into parking lot offering to kill him.

The police substation is 200 yds away so they arrive in seconds. Start taking stories from everyone involved. All of this was prompted by a dude hitting on the underage girls from earlier. Manbun said stop and other dude said he could hit on any Shorty he wants to. Grabs manbun by the neck and head butts him and walks out the back.

I decide not to finish my Stella and head on home while the police sort it all out. I am sure there is a way to include joetigerny and ryanadidas® into the story, but it's becoming a camcgee® wall of text at this point. Who knows if the head butter will ever be a cmfreeman® again or if he went to jail.

Either way the bride and groom did not leave together.

MauldinT GITT and ask anyone questions you may have.

The End

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errbody gather round for a tale

Re: errbody gather round for a tale

No pigs of teds or tale

i was stuggling til the

This is

Re: No pigs of teds or tale

pigs

That'll do pig. That'll do.***

Well done

The jailbaits look like they've seen a dink or two before***

Mom of bride either

Is that Lowndes Grove Plantation?*****

How the he'll can I only see two pics and the others are

Yore 64K graphics card perhaps?***

Whale of a tail.

Drinking Stella = winning***

Was that sofa king hard?

IDK... that father of the bride looks

He seriously looks familiar to me.***

i'm still at the in-laws

I owe you a beer or two

And here I am disappointed that I don't have 317 tmails

the day is young***

Are you chitting me?

GITT and answer questions if you are in the state of FL

Boss, OK.***

1 drink down. Check back in 30***

No one openly Tickled_It on the dance floor?

skrong... there is way more 'neck in them than the cover

Is that Lowndes Grove Plantation?*****

no,

Either way, great summary of events. Hilarious!*****

A great read!

well done Fluff

I refuse to point this for 2 reasons

Did you scroll past them?***

Here's hoping your wedding turns out just the same

You know someone is going to try and slap the goofy smirk

Dood

You missed the part

TigerBoard POTD