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All-In [36450]
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Ex wife is destitute
Oct 10, 2019, 6:48 PM
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So she just had a baby and living w some guy who has no job and already 3 kids he is supposed to pay child support for. Living off food stamps, wic, welfare. Part of me does feel bad for her, but with what she did to me and battling me in court so I had to spend thousands of dollars to convince a judge I was the best parent.
She was supposed to take my oldest to an open house at middle school tonight but then she didn’t even have the gas to come and then also pick them up this weekend to see them... so I gave her a 20$. I did that bc my son was looking forward to seeing his mother today and I didn’t want him disappointed again by her.
Just venting. These kids miss their mom but I am no longer responsible for her so I can’t just give her money. This was the first I had given her since the divorce. And was for my son not her.
All Jounge responses welcome.
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Lot o points [163012]
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Tough situation for sure.
Oct 10, 2019, 6:51 PM
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You need to do what you feel is best for the kids and you.
T's and P's to guide you in your decisions, I can no way give you advice on that situation.
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All-In [36450]
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The F’d Up part is her parents have money.
Oct 10, 2019, 6:57 PM
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Father is an Architect and Mother a nursing compliance manager. They are about to buy a beach house on Fripp island but they barely help their only child.
I mean during the divorce I lived w my parents for 6 months, they helped me in every way I needed. I guess not all parents are equal.
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Oculus Spirit [93668]
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Re: The F’d Up part is her parents have money.
Oct 10, 2019, 7:03 PM
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Perhaps it's because your parents knew you were trying to do what is right and her parents don't want to help her do what is wrong. Maybe? I know I have a daughter who I won't enable.
You have too many emotions to deal with, brother.
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Heisman Winner [135867]
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Heisman Winner [137908]
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CU Medallion [54011]
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$20 for gas is how it starts.
Oct 10, 2019, 6:53 PM
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Next you’ll be buying diapers for her new child with the other daddy.
You are in a seriously difficult situation. I do wish things were easier for your entire family. Sorry bro.
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Oculus Spirit [93668]
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I feel your guilt.
Oct 10, 2019, 7:01 PM
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Mine is begging, and has begged me to return. She's old and cripple now. I feel guilty. I keep trying to convince myself I did all I could. I have everyone else in the world convinced. I'm the only one left who thinks I could have done more, been more loving, patient and more kind.
That's because I still love her. I never said I love you to a woman I wasn't in love with. I can count them on one hand and I still love them each and every one. I still want to go solve their problems and fix things which are broken in their lives, advise them on what to do and know when to mind their own business.
Fact is, you can't fix her anymore than I can fix mine. That doesn't mean we are released from the wants to make their lives better. That's a lifetime promise we made to them, ourselves and some of us made to God.
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All-In [36450]
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^^Truth***
Oct 10, 2019, 7:03 PM
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Oculus Spirit [97716]
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This is very wise and sage advice
Oct 10, 2019, 7:21 PM
[ in reply to I feel your guilt. ] |
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You will wreck yourself trying to make unhappy people happy. Make cold people loving, and make bad people good. Doesn't make it any easier. But you have to do what is best for your kids. It's tough for them to understand at their age, and even as young adults. But they will understand everything some day.
Children only know what they know. Their universe of knowledge is so limited. It takes living a life, learning every day, and understanding the world to understand that what they think now, what they KNOW now, may not be the real or total picture. But you always love your mother. You may not like her, and she may have problems, or worse, but everyone only has one mother. If nothing else, love her for what she is, even if it's impossible to love WHO she is. And the same way she fooled you, she has no doubt fooled her own children. You both will share that pain, albeit in different ways, and hopefully grow from it.
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Heisman Winner [137908]
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You did the right thing.
Oct 10, 2019, 7:06 PM
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Just don't make a habit of it.
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All-In [36450]
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Update
Oct 10, 2019, 7:42 PM
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Son of came home w some QT ice cream (I essentially bought) but he had a great time at the open house for his new middle school and was happy to spend alone time w his mom. Totally worth $20.
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Orange Blooded [2123]
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You’re a good man...
Oct 10, 2019, 8:49 PM
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God bless and wish you all the best.????
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All-In [49171]
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I got nothing to add for near term with good prior posts.
Oct 10, 2019, 9:30 PM
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but my situation was not near as extreme. Married Mrs No who had 2 kids wit a loser. He put headgames on them vs me, and the oldest one (5 at the time) had major issues dealing with me. The ex mostly ignored the youngest one (our middle daughter, 3 at the time), just more headgames. Took me a long time to be appreciated, but the ex was always broke and helped ZERO sending them to college. I have always treated them like my own, and as adults, they appreciate me. When they need life advice, they call me, not him. Now the ex is in dire health, due to his poor habits and distrust of doctors. Oh well. My hate for him is based ONLY on how he treated his kids after Mrs No married me. They deserved better, and he caused issues for them that took years for them to work through.
Do the right thing by your kids, without enabling your ex.
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Oculus Spirit [75717]
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Look man, that is a hard row for sure, but you
Oct 11, 2019, 8:34 AM
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kinda deserve it for not putting the $ in the right spot.
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Hall of Famer [23994]
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New guy is a total bum
Oct 11, 2019, 8:42 AM
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How can you NOT have a job in this economy? Sounds like a lazy PoS to me. Her too. Why doesn't she work?
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Oculus Spirit [75717]
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Man yeah, even McDonald's is advertising a $400
Oct 11, 2019, 8:46 AM
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sign-on bonus.
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Hall of Famer [23994]
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All these messicans
Oct 11, 2019, 8:55 AM
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stealing white trash jobs. Build the wall!
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Oculus Spirit [75717]
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Maybe, just maybe if we can get white trash down
Oct 11, 2019, 8:57 AM
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one rung, we can begin the process of making them better themselves.
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All-In [36450]
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Well she did work before the baby. Had c section
Oct 11, 2019, 12:36 PM
[ in reply to New guy is a total bum ] |
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So can’t work for 2 months per doctor. But yea, for him to not work doesn’t even make sense. Go to #### Big lots and get an orange apron.
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Lot o points [155901]
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people are correct about you being a good dude, but
Oct 11, 2019, 8:56 AM
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You’re missing the big picture.
You have a ###### here that Hallmark would pay 6 figures for. Get writing and call me when it’s agent time.
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Lot o points [155901]
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s-cript***
Oct 11, 2019, 8:57 AM
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Oculus Spirit [75717]
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Oculus Spirit [81061]
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This seems like another one of those times I think
Oct 11, 2019, 9:16 AM
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everyone shouldn't procreate.
She seems like the first person who would brag how great of a parent she is.
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All-TigerNet [10157]
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Re: Ex wife is destitute
Oct 11, 2019, 12:14 PM
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What a tough spot to be in. I know you want to do all you can for your kids, but don't want to be used by the X. I think it is ashame her family isn't helping even though they certainly could. Maybe they have tried before or maybe they are just crappy parents.
Got to help your kid's, and maybe she will pull herself out of this and recover.
I've been dealing with a similar situation and some days it drains all emotions from me.
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All-In [46825]
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Pretty sure she is legally required to give you a
Oct 11, 2019, 12:24 PM
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beej behind a dumpster after that.
Seriously though you're a good dood.
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All-In [35541]
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Thats terribly sad
Oct 11, 2019, 12:40 PM
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When my ex and I split up all I wanted to see my kids as much as possible. I'll never understand the mind of a deadbeat parent.
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Legend [16732]
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Re: Ex wife is destitute
Oct 11, 2019, 7:21 PM
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She will ALWAYS be your kids mother. You have to be respectful no matter if she is present or not. Kids can see through the anger. It’s hard but be cool and take the high road. Your kids will grateful and when they get older they will see the truth about her and even respect you more for the way your handle things.
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