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Update: Spurrier Looking Hard For Garcia Replacement
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Update: Spurrier Looking Hard For Garcia Replacement


Apr 26, 2012, 11:43 PM

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Columbia, SC

Steve Spurrier, Head Coach of the South Carolina Gamecocks, was in Five Points Thursday morning at 3:00 a.m., where he has regularly been seen all spring trying to re-recruit Stephen Garcia and give him a sixth chance. We had the opportunity to catch up with him.

"Get that ****in' $%^^ out of my &@# &!$% face!" he demanded. After throwing his visor on the ground and punching a little girl in the face, he added, "I don't care how many beers I have to drink, I will find another Garcia around here. Hang on, I have to pee." It has been assumed for years that Spurrier courts quarterbacks intimately and is always searching for that special guy.

"He asked to come back five times and with open arms, I let him back into my life and onto my team," an emotional and obviously drunk Spurrier said. "But that sixth...it's too hard to say more, but the State of South Carolina wouldn't let me embarrass them any further," Spurrier cried. "He is the one who got away."

It is unknown if Spurrier will be able to find that special someone before the start of the 2012 season. Currently, Conner Shaw, a junior, figures to fill the gap until Spurrier can get something better. "I guess he's alright at drinking, but I'm just not that attracted to him," Spurrier said about Shaw. "He's just the guy you keep around until you can find the one you really want."

We were unable to get much more out of Spurrier as he was too preoccupied with slapping women in the face and giving money to terrorists. Will Spurrier be able to find a replacement for Stephen Garcia? Let us know in the comment section.

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NO


Apr 27, 2012, 1:27 AM

What Dabo said was true, and it musta stung a little I see

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the truth hurts sometimes***


Apr 27, 2012, 1:29 AM



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