Yesterday afternoon my assistant told me I had a call holding from Davis Babb. Figuring he had good news about my request for small batch bourbon as a bar option in our Stadium Suite for 2019-20, I eagerly took the call. What I heard from him though should alarm any Clemson fan.
It seems that D-Rad (that's what his peers call Dan Radakovich) has fallen for the various conspiracies of fear, uncertainty and doubt that have been peddled to him by the bottom-feeding salesmen for stadium security companies, and they've convinced him that we need permanent metal detectors at every Gate in the Stadium for the upcoming season.
Now on the surface, it doesn't seem so bad yet---I assumed that I wouldn't be subjected to this economy class treatment to enter the suite entrance and take the elevator. But it got worse....He has consumed so much security kool-aid that he is also eliminating the Avenue of Champions parking spots. This is obscene! This is preposterous! This shall not stand!
Folks, the biggest crime committed by AOC parkers to date was when my chum Slade Pilkington III got his calendar dates mixed up and wore seersucker pants after Labor Day. We wouldn't allow some terrorist to park amongst us, and if they tried, we would be the first to identify them by their meager buffet spread and lack of quality alcohol.
I realize most of you can't empathize because you don't have the option of parking on the Avenue of Champions. You're happy getting the big box of chicken at Bojangles and an $80 tent and parking in a field somewhere. This isn't about empathy. This is about what's right. I have been donating substantial sums to Clemson for almost 6 years now, and part of that deal was that I would be accorded the status I deserved. This represents a contract ripped in half---a bond broken. We are Clemson...we are better than that. E-mail your IPTAY rep today and let them know that you want me on that Avenue. You need me on that Avenue.
If I'm expected to park my Range Rover in some semi-muddy field next to a gauche fire engine and the drone of generators, my money shall go elsewhere. Godspeed, friends, I pray we get through this.