Revenge

Jun 13, 2013, 9:26 AM

Extinguisher.jpg(341.0 K)

I was madder than heck last night after reading about Howard's Rock. Since I now live in Cootlumbia, I decided to take action.

After putting the kids to bed, I drove as quick as I could to Williams-Brice stadium. The trip was significantly delayed twice ... once because of a police blockade in Five Points due to another shooting, and a second time waiting for a 20-minute train to cross Assembly Street (a main thoroughfare in Columbia). If only the cockabooses were as nice as that graffiti strewn train that passed.

I finally arrived at the stadium complex, and parked in their favorite tailgating spot (a sprawling dilapidated parking lot surrounded by weeds and chain link fencing). I tiptoed around a few homeless bums sleeping under the stadium, and held my breath as I passed the pee stench entranceways (GA Magnus was seen leaving the parking lot a few minutes earlier).

After climbing another chain link fence to enter the stadium, I paused to admire the lone championship banner hanging in the rafters. The ACC must have been a tougher conference in 1969 for these SEC bred athletes to compete. I was bit dehydrated after all the climbing, so had a quick drink of doo-doo ice from the concession stand (vomiting quickly ensued).

Proceeding to the team locker rooms, I noticed Sir Spur stuck in a chicken coop crapping everywhere. Like a helpless parrot, he could only repeat the company mantra SEC SEC over and over. Pictures were hanging everywhere celebrating Marcus Lattimore day, Marcus Lattimore week, the Chinese calendar celebrating the year of Lattimore, bobble head Marcus, coffee cup Lattimore, and finally mirrors/razors with George Rogers image on them.

Off to the right, was a supply closet full of stolen computers, and a police substation with a gallery of mugshots hanging on the wall displaying historical athlete arrests. A dummy made to look like Clowney (or possibly the real thing) was shown spearing a Michigan running back over and over.

Finally, I made it to the locker room and admired my prize. The epitome of the Gamecock pride and football entrance. I didn't touch the 2001 Space Odyssey music as Ric Flair deserves respect. Also didn't touch Spurrier's manzier. Without pause, I grabbed my bounty and quickly exited the cracking, fading stadium.

Stopping by my office that night, I hung my prize on the wall for all the USCe grads to admire. I hope this doesn't escalate the tensions in the rivalry. Perhaps they'll think Spurrier stole it to motivate their team to finish higher than 5th place in the conference.

I left behind instructions for making a paper breakthrough football banner. They already have plans to steal other gameday traditions from local highschools.

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Revenge

brilliant! that was a good read!***

Freaking hilarious!***

So, you didn't set fire

Negative***

WOW, that was frickin' LITERATURE . . ..

Check the attache ... it was a fire extinguisher***

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