|
Replies: 23
| visibility 514
|
CU Medallion [64837]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
|
My roller coaster night
Feb 28, 2019, 10:04 AM
|
|
Wife jumped in bed with me and straight up started blowing me. Out of NO WHERE. "She must have spent a bunch of money on something... but whatever", I think to myself.
1/2 a second later, she is super pissed and asks why my peanus tastes like Jerkins hand lotion.
"uhhhhhhhh.... dry skin?"
She's not buying it.... and she shouldn't.
"I can't believe you! You are disgusting!" bla bla bla
Talk about a 180* turn.
lol, marriage.
|
|
|
|
 |
CU Medallion [54758]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 52802
Joined: 10/1/03
|
didn't she give you a fleshlight or something for V-Day?
Feb 28, 2019, 10:06 AM
|
|
like you're just supposed to leave it up on the shelf in the living room, collecting dust?
|
|
|
|
|
|
All-In [46814]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 30715
Joined: 8/11/15
|
NO BUT WE WOULD ALL APPRECIATE IT IF HE USED
Feb 28, 2019, 10:08 AM
|
|
STRAWBERRY tasting LUBE
|
|
|
|
|
|
CU Medallion [64837]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
|
Re: NO BUT WE WOULD ALL APPRECIATE IT IF HE USED
Feb 28, 2019, 10:09 AM
|
|
That was one thing she mentioned:
You're supposed to use the special lube I bought for it....
I just shrugged and said, "why do you care?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
CU Medallion [64837]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
|
Re: didn't she give you a fleshlight or something for V-Day?
Feb 28, 2019, 10:08 AM
[ in reply to didn't she give you a fleshlight or something for V-Day? ] |
|
Well that's what I said.
She just rolled her eyes and called me a pig.
I'm telling you. That hand-jive thing is awesome. I finished so hard yesterday that I pulled my hamstring (not a euphemism... actual hamstring).
I'm thinking about strapping that thing to a microwave and mounting it on a Roomba and just getting rid of SarahAdidas all together.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oculus Spirit [79183]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24915
Joined: 8/29/12
|
Can it cook and clean also?***
Feb 28, 2019, 10:12 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oculus Spirit [97697]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 64834
Joined: 7/13/02
|
Hey...it doesn't ##### and complain. Good enough***
Feb 28, 2019, 10:50 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
CU Medallion [66019]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24695
Joined: 6/12/14
|
|
|
|
|
|
CU Medallion [64837]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
|
So it could cook and clean and sex.
Feb 28, 2019, 10:18 AM
|
|
I figured a microwave was safer than a hot plate.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oculus Spirit [79183]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24915
Joined: 8/29/12
|
Did you ask to taste her cooter to see if it tastes like
Feb 28, 2019, 10:07 AM
|
|
a rabbit?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Heisman Winner [137838]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 63771
Joined: 10/22/00
|
Can she differentiate between brands
Feb 28, 2019, 10:10 AM
|
|
and their associated tastes? I'm not even mad. That's impressive.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oculus Spirit [79183]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24915
Joined: 8/29/12
|
Somewhat disturbing too
Feb 28, 2019, 10:12 AM
|
|
assuming he always uses jerkins.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Heisman Winner [135548]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 91612
Joined: 12/6/98
|
|
|
|
|
|
Lot o points [155750]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 65759
Joined: 5/6/13
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oculus Spirit [79183]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24915
Joined: 8/29/12
|
Re: “Honey, when did you start buying the ‘with aloe’?”***
Feb 28, 2019, 10:22 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
CU Medallion [54758]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 52802
Joined: 10/1/03
|
"Why does your dink taste like Canola oil?"
Feb 28, 2019, 10:16 AM
[ in reply to Can she differentiate between brands ] |
|
"Why does your dink taste like I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?"
"Why does your dink taste like whole milk?"
"Why does your dink taste like Goo Gone?"
"Why does your dink taste like PopRocks?"
"Why does your dink taste like maple syrup?"
"Why does your dink taste like Windex?"
"Why does your dink taste like baby oil?"
"Why does your dink taste like baking soda and vinegar?"
"Why does your dink taste like Mobil 1 Synthetic?"
~@SarahAdidas, probably
|
|
|
|
|
|
CU Medallion [64837]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
|
baking soda and vinegar
Feb 28, 2019, 10:20 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
CU Medallion [54758]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 52802
Joined: 10/1/03
|
make volcano explosion
Feb 28, 2019, 10:25 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oculus Spirit [79183]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24915
Joined: 8/29/12
|
True story: I've gotten a pop-rock beej before
Feb 28, 2019, 10:23 AM
[ in reply to "Why does your dink taste like Canola oil?" ] |
|
Was nice until a big one got wet and stuck to my dink, then exploded. Hurt like a futher mucker.
|
|
|
|
|
|
CU Medallion [54758]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 52802
Joined: 10/1/03
|
"big one got wet and stuck to my dink, then exploded"
Feb 28, 2019, 10:25 AM
|
|
Typical PsychoTea post?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oculus Spirit [79183]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24915
Joined: 8/29/12
|
no because I didn't lay a towel down first***
Feb 28, 2019, 10:34 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oculus Spirit [97697]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 64834
Joined: 7/13/02
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hall of Famer [20571]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 8613
Joined: 10/27/00
|
This thread is INSTANT CLASSIC. Should be pinned.***
Feb 28, 2019, 10:38 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oculus Spirit [97697]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 64834
Joined: 7/13/02
|
Just so you don't feel bad......scroll down and I will show
Feb 28, 2019, 10:49 AM
|
|
you the number of times my wife has ever "jumped in bed with me and straight up started blowing me. Out of NO WHERE." We've been married 17 years, so it's a lot of scrolling.
0
|
|
|
|
|
|
Replies: 23
| visibility 514
|
|
|
50
