It’s true – coots hire “toughness couch” to reverse decades

Oct 15, 2018, 10:04 AM

of sports futility because their teams obviously lack mental and physical toughness. On his first day, the toughness coach calls a meeting of the entire Athletics Department. He strides into the room carrying a large wooden crate under his massive arm and places it on a table at the front. The box shakes violently as an enraged, vicious animal tries to tear its way out. The toughness coach glares at the audience and says “My job is to turn you pompous, effete, soft, spineless sycophants into leaders of college athletes by showing you how to inspire mental and physical toughness in the athletes you coach.” He pries open the box and jabs the creature inside to enrage it even more. He then leans his body over the box. The audience gasps as a 30-lb alligator snapping turtle lunges at the toughness coach and clamps down on his crotch and doesn’t let go. The toughness coach, with only a slight grimace of his jaw giving away his immense pain, moves away from the table so everyone could see him with the turtle dangling between his legs. He then recites the entire “Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner” in perfect iambic pentameter. The audience is stunned at this display of mental and physical toughness. The toughness coach waddles back to the table, grabs a pencil and chews off the end. Leaning over the crate again, he gouges the turtle in the eye until it releases its grip and falls back into the crate, still thrashing violently. With cold, steely eyes the toughness coach runs his gaze over the assembled crowd and snarls. “Who is ready to demonstrate the mental and physical toughness it takes to lead championship sport teams?” No one raises their hand. Finally, he notices a puffy-faced, coach in the back of the room. He booms “you, in the back, are you ready to take the first step towards athletic greatness?” The puffy-faced coach stands up and begs “No please, please not me”. The Toughness Coach just glares at him. Intimidated, the puffy-faced coach finally said “OK, OK, just don’t poke me in the eye with that darn pencil”.

Yes, the story is true (metaphorically).

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It’s true – coots hire “toughness couch” to reverse decades

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