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Hall of Famer [22935]
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Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people (Ebola)
Feb 23, 2018, 1:32 PM
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In a bid to improve its reputation as one of the world’s most lethal pathogens, the Ebola virus has today sought to shift the blame for its deadly effects onto people.
“As a virus, I’m basically an inert object until someone is stupid enough to pick me up,” said the disease organism.
“If you just sit me on table or leave me in a cupboard, I’m completely harmless. However, if you’re dumb enough to allow me to enter your body and replicate with impunity then the consequences are on you my friend.”
The virus explained that its ability to cause irreparable, and usually fatal, damage to the human body did not mean that it was to blame for its devastating effects on communities during mass outbreaks.
“If I’m inside your body minding my own business, just replicating away, and you decide to leak blood and s*** from every available orifice then I’m hardly responsible for other people dying, am I?” it asked.
“People make the decision to contaminate other people, not me, so to say that I’m some sort of problem that needs fixing is nothing short of slander.
“I mean, guns kill over 30,000 people in the US every year but you don’t see them rushing to ban firearms. This is persecution, plain and simple.
“You want to stop people dying from viruses? Ban people. Except anti-vaxxers. I love those guys.”
A spokesman for pharmaceutical company PharmaGeddon told the Herald that finding a way to tackle the virus was not currently seen as a priority.
“Public safety is obviously very important and it would be great if we could develop a way to minimise the impact of deadly viruses on our communities,” he said.
“But do you know what’s more important? Money. Making huge bags of cash will trump any attempt to make the world a better place every time. And why waste money trying to resolve an issue that only kills thousands of people each year?
“Besides, everyone knows that the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a virus is a good guy with his head in the sand, desperately screaming that there’s not a problem. Or something like that. We really don’t care.”
https://rochdaleherald.co.uk/2017/10/03/deadly-viruses-dont-kill-people-people-kill-people-claims-ebola/
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Heisman Winner [119593]
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SPOD
Feb 23, 2018, 1:40 PM
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as in STUPID
imho, of couse
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Orange Blooded [3921]
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It's simple folks...Guns don't kill people
Feb 27, 2018, 9:26 AM
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People with guns kill people...regulation is needed.
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Orange Blooded [4995]
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Re: Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people (Ebola)
Feb 23, 2018, 8:09 PM
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Nuclear bombs don’t kill people, people kill people.
So why is Trump dead set on stopping North Korea’s nuclear program?
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Legend [15492]
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Re: Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people (Ebola)
Feb 24, 2018, 1:20 PM
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Nuclear bombs don’t kill people, people kill people.
So why is Trump dead set on stopping North Korea’s nuclear program?
Not to worry... we need concealed nuclear carry....that'll stop them!
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Orange Blooded [4974]
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Orange Blooded [4995]
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Re: Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people (Ebola)
Feb 27, 2018, 7:50 AM
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The dude that shot up the school last week was making threats too.
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All-In [48078]
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Because some old dudes in 1700's didn't say it was okay.
Feb 27, 2018, 7:57 AM
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If they did, it would be all good for all humans to own nukes.
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Lot o points [155694]
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All-In [48078]
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Why was even famous?
Feb 27, 2018, 8:04 AM
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He kind of sucked.
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Lot o points [155694]
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Re: Why was even famous?
Feb 27, 2018, 8:57 AM
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Pretty sure that owning one of his records made everyone's grandparents feel better about making those coloreds drink out of separate water fountains a couple years prior.
"So sorry about those fire hoses, I hope you know I LOVE that Sammy Davis Jr, and own all his records"
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CU Medallion [59982]
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Re: Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people (Ebola)
Feb 27, 2018, 9:13 AM
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remember the ebola freak out. yeah, I barely do too and cannot remember what that smokescreen was for as well.
Thats life these days. One story to the next. We are all guilty.
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Legend [15492]
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Guns don't kill people
Feb 27, 2018, 12:11 PM
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Bullets going really, really fast kill people.
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