Replies: 30
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Heisman Winner [135496]
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With all of this angst over the American healthcare system
Jan 3, 2019, 10:12 AM
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I'd like to offer my services as the Jounge's premier anonymous internet medical expert. I'll be more than happy to diagnose and prescribe treatment for any one of you that asks AT NO CHARGE TODAY ONLY.
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Hall of Famer [20569]
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This has been bothering me for a few days
Jan 3, 2019, 10:15 AM
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What do you make of this?
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All-In [46801]
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I get something like that sometimes
Jan 3, 2019, 10:18 AM
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very painful.
And itchy
Help me Warlord
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Oculus Spirit [97676]
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Google pilonidal cyst. Or don't.
Jan 3, 2019, 10:20 AM
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Had them, twice. A REAL pain in the ### too. Two surgeries and the top of my ### looks like I sat on a landmine back in Nam.
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All-In [46801]
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That's exactly it. Now I just lance it and let it go.***
Jan 3, 2019, 10:22 AM
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Oculus Spirit [97676]
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In my experience, go to the doc. It will not just go away
Jan 3, 2019, 10:58 AM
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First time I had it it hurt like heck for 3 weeks, and eventually went away. Few months later it was back, and worse. Finally went to the doc. First step is antibiotics. Those helped and it went away again. Few months later it was back. This time the doc lanced it, and gave antibiotics. Went away again. Like a year almost. Then it came back AGAIN. This time was referred to a surgeon. They do a surgery where they basically cut out the whole canal there and pour silver or some crap in there to fuse the tissue. It is a major surgery, with general anesthesia. BEST part is they do NOT stitch it up. It has to heal from the inside out. So for almost a month I had to pack it with gauze and keep repacking it daily. Eventually healed. Was fine for about 8 years.
THEN, lost about 90 lbs. It came back. Doc said people who lose a shitload of weight have them recur, even after surgery. Did ANOTHER big surgery. Found something calcified in there and removed it. Could have been tissue left from the first surgery, doc wasn't sure. That was about 6 years ago now. Supposedly I'm fine forever. But who knows.
Like I said, it's a pain in the ###, literally and figuratively. FWIW doc said mine was one of the worst he's ever seen, and he was 50ish. Had to cut a LOT out, there were tracts he had to follow from the canal out into my butt. Massive scar back there from all that cutting and two surgeries, hence the landmine comment.
Good luck.
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All-In [46801]
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Mine flairs up every couple of years
Jan 3, 2019, 11:00 AM
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so it's not an issue big enough to warrant surgery yet.
Doc said the same thing. If it's not that bad, just stick a hot needle in it and drain it. If it gets worse we have to go in there and scrape it out.
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Oculus Spirit [97676]
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Just saw a piece of good advice.....
Jan 3, 2019, 11:16 AM
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After all this mess I had with them, the doctor recommended I wipe from the top DOWN, and not from the bottom up, as I had done for years. It helps prevent flareups because when you wipe UP, your #### ends up right over the pilonidal cyst area and can get in there and cause flareup. I was told to change my technique. Now I start by wiping from the top down from behind, then go in underneath and finish wiping from the top down (towards balls) from underneath.
This keeps #### away from the area. Not sure if this works, but doctor's orders, so I did it.
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Heisman Winner [135496]
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Orange Blooded [4356]
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Oculus Spirit [97676]
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I do per docs orders, just because of this. Point.***
Jan 3, 2019, 11:17 AM
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Heisman Winner [137803]
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Oculus Spirit [97676]
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Pediatrician checked all our kids and they didn't get it
Jan 3, 2019, 11:21 AM
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My dad had it and I did too.
You can tell if you're prone to a pilonidal cyst by looking at the tailbone area at the top of the butt crack. If there's a divot or dimple, you're prone to get them. There's often actually a very small hole leading into a cavity that didn't fill in the womb during development. Has to do with us losing our tails during evolution. Well, some of us (myself) haven't fully evolved out of tails, and it's a leftover cavity where tails used to be.
I'm schooled on this subject btw.
Very distracting when I notice the divot in #### movies.
Oh, another thing...
If you have an actual hole in the area, even if it's the size of a pinhead, they recommend the surgery. If you have the surgery BEFORE you ever get a flareup, the odds of ever having one are VERY low, and the surgery is easier. Once they've flared up, the odds of them coming back increase, and even surgeries are not totally successful in stopping them. Doc said my pediatrician should have noted my tailbone and I could have had a surgery and never had to worry about them again. When it gets infected, each time the cavity expands and it's harder to eliminate totally.
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Heisman Winner [135496]
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That's an obvious malady.
Jan 3, 2019, 10:45 AM
[ in reply to This has been bothering me for a few days ] |
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It's referred to in the medical community as 'demonic possession', and it must be cleansed with fire.
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Orange Blooded [4356]
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No idea what sparked the thought, but is it safe to
Jan 3, 2019, 10:17 AM
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participate in scat activities?
Asking for a friend from CA
Message was edited by: TheBull®
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Oculus Spirit [80998]
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San Fran residents say "Why not? We do it every day!"***
Jan 3, 2019, 10:19 AM
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Heisman Winner [135496]
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All-In [47680]
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Something something more than 4 hours
Jan 3, 2019, 10:23 AM
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I thought I just really liked my wife, but is it a medical issue?
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Heisman Winner [135496]
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I would prescribe a much heavier drinking schedule, and it
Jan 3, 2019, 10:49 AM
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wouldn't hurt to use the highest proof alcohol available.
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Oculus Spirit [79400]
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So I've been having cold sweats since Tuesday when I
Jan 3, 2019, 10:23 AM
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decided I probably needed to stop drinking...I guess my question is, should I worry about detoxing, or would it be more advisable to make sure I maintained some level of alcohol in my system? I don't want to feel bad, but I had a pretty solid bender going there over Christmas, so I'm worried about an extended hangover.
Thanks!
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Heisman Winner [135496]
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It sounds as if you may need to inject alcohol directly into
Jan 3, 2019, 10:51 AM
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the bloodstream, using a sterile syringe of course, in an effort to maintain a balance in your chi.
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Heisman Winner [135674]
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I have an issue that I know is your specialty
Jan 3, 2019, 10:24 AM
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I have a sharp pain in my ###
It only happens at work around this one particular person. I know you are imminently qualified to make them, I mean it, go away.
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Heisman Winner [135496]
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I suffer from this same horrific malady, and I've found that
Jan 3, 2019, 10:53 AM
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stabbing is an effective and 100% natural way to provide relief.
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Hall of Famer [20569]
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Man, it's just like going to a real DR.
Jan 3, 2019, 10:28 AM
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I mean, the wait in the waiting room part.
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Heisman Winner [135496]
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Hmmmm....impatience.
Jan 3, 2019, 10:54 AM
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No need to be embarrassed...impatience afflicts countless Americans every year. You'll want to drink 1 liter of pickle brine every day until this subsides. It could take weeks, so be patient.
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All-TigerNet [12505]
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How big is too big
Jan 3, 2019, 10:56 AM
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of a girl to sit on my face?
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Heisman Winner [135496]
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That's not really a medical question as much as its a
Jan 3, 2019, 10:58 AM
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structural engineering question.
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All-In [47692]
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My hemorrhoids are reminding me of Yankees.
Jan 3, 2019, 11:25 AM
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They come down, they wont go back up and they are a constant pain in the azzz.
Can you help?
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Heisman Winner [135496]
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Sure.
Jan 3, 2019, 11:38 AM
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You'll need to get one Behrens 3-OV 16-Gallon Oval Steel Tub, 10 gallons of 93 octane fuel, and a box of Diamond Strike Anywhere Large Kitchen Matches.
Fill tub, sit in tub, strike match, HEMORRHOIDS GONE!!!
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All-In [47692]
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Thanks, but I have a follow up question.
Jan 3, 2019, 11:40 AM
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Will it get rid of the Yankees?
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Heisman Winner [135496]
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All you need to do is invite them over when you get into the
Jan 3, 2019, 12:02 PM
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tub, and simply put 3 or 4 pounds of C-4 in your lap before striking the match.
YANKEES GONE!!!
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Replies: 30
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