"SEC Apology" Old but gold....

Jun 24, 2013, 5:51 PM

*Just saw this on the HoF board, I just read it for the first time, but it made my day

Hello Tiger fans

Before you cast stones, please know that even though I am a Gator, my wife is a Clemson grad as is my father. I hope this at least earns slight rapport with you. Now, on to the apology.

As an SEC person, I want to extend an apology to Clemson fans everywhere and to the rest of the world for that matter, for the behavior of South Carolina fans. As a conference, we are seriously considering banning South Carolina fans from chanting "SEC" at games, pep rallies, and on the street. We understand that this chant for them is a semblance of some greater good, but it is a greater good to which South Carolina has never, nor will ever contribute. It is an embarrassment to the SEC that South Carolina would parade the conference in a manner that would suggest their achievement is merely being a member. It would be like every senior citizen running around shouting "AARP" or "AAA". Just because you carry the card does not mean you have actually contributed anything to the organization.

Further, as a Florida Gator, I also must let you know that we usually forget that South Carolina is part of the SEC until they do something stupid in effort to taunt their lack of greatness. Everyone in the conference with the exception of Vandy and Mississippi State looks upon South Carolina as the whimpy kid on the playground that gets beat up everyday, has his lunch money taken, and left with a hemorrhoid splitting wedgie. So, again, please do not hold South Carolina's ridiculous attempts at flaunting greatness against our conference. Perhaps if they had actually accomplished something other than pure mediocrity in their athletics, we, the SEC, would not be embarrassed by their antics. Do we find it acceptable to chant our conference letters when facing an out of conference opponent? Yes. It was okay for us to do so against FSU this past Saturday, as it was in Atlanta for the despicable half-breed dogs from Athens after their win over Georgia Tech. The reason only being that both teams have accomplished levels of greatness in their history. The only levels of greatness achieved in Columbia have been the unfathomably great levels of disappointment, mediocrity, and lawyer fees.

I know that most of you have probably already done the research and know what I am about to tell you, but South Carolina has had 33 coaches in their history. Only twelve have had winning records at the school and of those twelve, three were one year stints so they can hardly be counted with records of 3-0 (1907) and 2-1-1 (1918). Further, South Carolina is now 535-534-44 all time (or .5004 in games decided, .481 in all games [ties included]). VANDY is 551-542-50 all time...That's right VANDY has a better all time record than South Carolina in football (here's the % for all you math whizzes: .504 in games decided, .482 in all games). Statistically, South Carolina is a greater doormat than Vandy. Oh yeah, Kentucky has a .503 winning % in games decided and .485 overall. So next time you hear one of those chickens crowing about their conference, please remind them that they are only outdone by Mississippi State in losses.

I promise I am not a statistician, and I know that losses suck, especially when all you can hear is that stupid rooster crowing everytime they complete a pass...blah blah blah. But, statistics don't lie. They are supposed to get one out of every three. 49-30 all time in Columbia (that's right at 62.0%)and 16-8 in Death Valley (66.7%) for a total of 63.5% of the wins go to Clemson. We call that domination in Gainesville. Once again showing that we in the SEC do not respect the achievements of South Carolina, nor do we think it acceptable to continually lower the bar for our conference. I have also come to realize that South Carolina has a perpetual inclination towards flaunting the name of a great coach on their sideline, once again attempting to deflect attention away from their mud-dragging history. The latest attempt with Spurrier has done nothing but drag another great name through the mud with the team. What South Carolina has failed to recognize thus far into Spurrier's tenure is that he keeps a losing record against his in state rivals. We were 5-8 against Free Shoes University under Spurrier and 0-1 against The Urinal (note that Spurrier left in 2001 after lobbying to play a three year series with Miami from 2001-2003, where we probably would have walked away with a 1-2 record under Spurrier). Maybe now that he is 2-3 against Clemson (again 60% is right at 2/3 winning margin for Clemson), South Carlina fans will start to see that he will not get it done there, just like everyone else they have hired.

Anyway, my purpose here has been to apologize on behalf of the SEC for the stupidity of Gamecocks everywhere. Chickens are quite stupid animals and South Carolina does not do much to help with that image. So, from all of your friends in Gainesville, FL, please do not hold their actions against our conference, they just don't know any better. But, again, as an unofficial spokesman for our conference, the SEC apologizes that South Carolina exists.

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"SEC Apology" Old but gold....

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It needs to be updated now that you guys got East Rings!

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