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Lot o points [155801]
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Real-life mid-life ponderances.
May 26, 2020, 9:48 AM
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So sis and bro-in-law came to visit this past weekend with my niece and nephew, and two boys they recently started fostering who are 4 and 10. Lots of long stories about how these kids came to live with them but my sis and BIL are being saints right now in a situation where a family of five kids with all different dads has an absentee mom who doesn’t seem to care if she’s their guardian or not. We had a great weekend and it was cool seeing the kids go out on a boat for the first time, tube, and other stuff that you just sort of take for granted.
Long story short, over a few visits the 10 year old and I have formed a tight bond. He’s an amazing kid who has a ton of potential and doesn’t seem to have let the negatives of his situation (and there are many) influence his personality and outlook on life. I’m convinced the kid has a super bright future with a loving family and a strong father figure that’s been completely absent to date. In a nutshell, I can’t get the thought out of my head about potentially adopting this kid, which could be a realistic option in the next 6-8 months. .
The positives should be clear, but the negatives are plenty as well.....I’m not 100% sure my wife is on board, which would make it a non-starter. I’m 45 and until now have been pretty excited that I’ll soon have both kids out of my house by 50. This would add 4 years to that (not a huge deal) and a significant reallocation of funds from the retirement cause to the third child cause (also not huge in the grand scheme). The biggest thing is that legally, I’m not sure we’d ever have the deadbeat mom out of our lives and I would also feel bad permanently splitting up the siblings if there’s a chance that someone would be willing to adopt all 5.
No clue if anyone in here has been through a similar internal debate but all advice and puns appreciated.
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Heisman Winner [105525]
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My SRS thoughts
May 26, 2020, 9:53 AM
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4 years aint shit in the grand scheme, there is a reason you are feeling these feels.
First thing is first, gotta discuss at length with wife. She may be feeling the same thing just wondering where you are.
How would your kids take it? Seems this could cause problems in a tight, happy home, but could also be amazing for everyone.
I am thinking that adoptions of 5 kids together is really rare so that is probably not an issue. Splitting the family up would be really tough though. What are the other kids' ages? Are they being fostered as well? Will Mom sign over parental rights?
You got alot of hurdles, but that seems like a good opportunity for everyone. Good luck.
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Heisman Winner [137863]
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Before you do anything rash, I strongly recommend you
May 26, 2020, 9:56 AM
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seek guidance from the 1990s dramatic TV series Party of Five, starring Neve Campbell, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Scott Wolf. This will levelset your brain, and put your decision process on the proper path.
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Heisman Winner [135568]
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Speaking of Jennifer Love Hewitt...
May 26, 2020, 10:07 AM
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she and Liv Tyler were on back-to-back shows the Mrs. was watching on TV last night, and I thought to myself "Man I'm glad those two weren't on Alabama's defensive line in the 2018 championship game or the outcome might have been very different".
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Oculus Spirit [81049]
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They do like to eat, apparently***
May 26, 2020, 10:08 AM
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Oculus Spirit [81049]
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Also watched the first Championship this weekend.
May 26, 2020, 10:08 AM
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It was glorious. We still won!
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Oculus Spirit [78865]
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CU Medallion [64837]
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oh hail yes. #metoo***
May 26, 2020, 10:12 AM
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Heisman Winner [135568]
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Maybe so, but I will stand by this statement:
May 26, 2020, 10:16 AM
[ in reply to still ] |
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75% of the ACC doesn't have the ability on the offensive line to block her out of the A gaps.
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Heisman Winner [137863]
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That's a take.***
May 26, 2020, 11:57 AM
[ in reply to still ] |
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Heisman Winner [135568]
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No experience whatsoever with a situation like this, but
May 26, 2020, 10:01 AM
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puppies are still cute when they defecate on the kitchen floor, and not so cute when that dog is a couple of years old and still defecates on the kitchen floor.
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Oculus Spirit [79428]
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I barely possess the decency to even hold the door for
May 26, 2020, 10:25 AM
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people anymore, so I won't comment much on this other than to say this might be your one opportunity to be le lunges real life Tim McGraw/Blindside. Think about that....
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All-In [38514]
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Sometimes in life it's best not to think and just follow
May 26, 2020, 10:29 AM
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your heart.
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Heisman Winner [135568]
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So, if you're saying what I think you're saying here...
May 26, 2020, 10:36 AM
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I should buy BOTH the Fender bass AND the Reverend bass?
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All-In [38514]
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And the pedal steel.***
May 26, 2020, 11:27 AM
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Heisman Winner [135568]
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I want one SO bad.
May 26, 2020, 11:40 AM
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I'm just scared to spend a couple few thousand on something that requires dexterity with hands, feet, and knees to play, and nobody around here to that gives lessons. Heck, there isn't anybody that even plays one in Rock Hill to my knowledge. I have been threatening the Mrs. with getting another drum set lately though.
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CU Medallion [66039]
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Lot o points [155801]
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Maybe he has a dyslexic heart?
May 26, 2020, 2:23 PM
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Love tdrake but #paulwesterbergsuckssobadly
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Hall of Famer [22312]
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I seriously doubt you need advice from this or any other
May 26, 2020, 11:03 AM
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message board full of idiots. LOL. You follow your heart, man. Sounds to me like you've got a pretty good handle on this. No, it's not to be taken lightly. Big decision. Take your time. Think it through. You strike me as a smart guy, you'll do the right thing. All I can do is wish you luck. That's all I got.
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Lot o points [155801]
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Thanks amigo. I’ve found there’s some wisdom amongst
May 26, 2020, 11:12 AM
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Us knuckleheads if you dig deeply enough. I will definitely be sleeping and praying on this one.....short of getting hitched and having kids, it’s one of the biggest life-impacting (ours and his) decisions I’ve ever considered. Little scary in that sense.
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All-In [43656]
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Before thinking and praying, I'd give the wife the D.
May 26, 2020, 11:17 AM
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And D her down real good. Then get her opinion.
If she ain't bought in, pull the plug on it. You'll (hopefully) be with her much longer than all this other stuff.
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Hall of Famer [22312]
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Re: Thanks amigo. I’ve found there’s some wisdom amongst
May 26, 2020, 11:39 AM
[ in reply to Thanks amigo. I’ve found there’s some wisdom amongst ] |
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Understood. It is indeed, and I didn't mean to sound too flippant in my comment. I just don't know what to tell you, I've never been in that particular situation. But I do trust in what little I know about you, based on our "internet relationship" on a message board. You seem like a decent guy and you're trying to do the right thing. Yes, I'm sure it's scary. All big decisions in life are, right? Sleeping and praying on it sounds like a sound strategy.
edit: A discussion with your wife about all of this is a must. I'm sure you know that.
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All-In [40656]
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This is really awesome
May 26, 2020, 11:40 AM
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But how does Greenr feel about you adopting one of his kids?
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All-In [26692]
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I turn 43 this year and my twins will turn 1.
May 26, 2020, 11:46 AM
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I don't want to hear anything about kids being out of the house anytime in the next 20 years.
In all seriousness, have you thought about the Big Brother/Big Sister route? Is that still a thing? If he joins the program, you'll still see him regularly and be able to provide that guidance. But if your whole family (not just the wife) is on board, I'd say go for the adoption route. Your kids will be around long after you are, so you'd hope they'd still be a family in the future.
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Lot o points [155801]
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It’s still a thing but it’s logistically impossible
May 26, 2020, 2:15 PM
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With the 6 hours between where we are and his current residence.
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