CU2013

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"How Hoobaseball stole Football"

Apr 11, 2014, 4:17 PM

This one's for you

Every Hoo Down in Hooville Liked Football a lot...
But Hoobaseball ,Who lived on the Tigerboreds, Did NOT!
Hoobaseball hated football! The whole football season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his team hadn't won anything yet.
It could be, perhaps, that their goals were not met.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
Was that he was jealous of the Tigers during every fall
Whatever the reason, whichever he may choose,
He stood there at the spring game, hating the Hoos,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Wahoo frown,
That's seen after ever home game in Wahootown.
For he knew every Hoo down in Hooville beneath,
Was busy now, tailgating with wine and cheese.
"And they're dressing with scarves!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Today is kickoff! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his hoo fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop football from coming!"
For later, he knew, all the Hoo girls and boys,
Would file into the stadium, to see the Hoos get destroyed!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Hoos, young and old, would sit down in defeat.
And this would repeat! And repeat! Year after year, REPEAT! REPEAT!
They would lose to the Hokies, and lose to the Terps.
Of late, they will even be losing to those Dook twerps!
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every Hoo down in Hooville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with fight song blaring.
They'd stand hand-in-hand, about the loss, NOT CARING!
They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!
SING! SING! SING!
And the more Hoobaseball thought of this Hoo FootballSing,
The more Hoobaseball thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop this football season from coming! But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
Hoobaseball GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" Hoobaseball laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Cavalier hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Wahoo trick!"
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like that mascot prick!
"All I need is a sidekick..." Hoobaseball looked around.
But, since Hoo fans are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Hoo? No! Hoobaseball simply said,
"If I can't find a sidekick, I'll kidnap one instead!"
So he browsed through the other Tigernet trolls
Maybe another fanbase may have similar woes...
"AH-Ha!" he said, another team used to being let down!
It's those no-good leghumpers from that dumpy Athens town!
On an aging Ford pickup, he hitched up ol SUpermutt
Then Hoobaseball said, "Giddap!" And the truck started down,
Toward the Grounds where the Hoos sat "tailgating" in their town.
All their cars were silent. No kids were throwing footballs
All the Hoos were all tailgating, but not making merry at all.
When he came to the first little tent on the grounds.
"This is it" Hoobaseball hissed, "Our time has begun!"
And he began dismantling tents, one by one.
He got caught only once, for a moment or two.
But the Hoos were so self-absorbed, it was as if nobody knew.
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole field, and he robbed everyone present!
Sweater-vests! Croquet sets! Wineglasses! Rings!
Cheese knives! Steak knives! lobster tails! All of their things!!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then Hoobaseball, very nimbly, passed off the load
To his buddy supermutt, who dashed down the road
A regular thief...but who woulda thought,
Unlike his bulldogs, he didn't get caught!
"And NOW!" grinned Hoobaseball, "I will kidnap the team!"
And the Grinch grabbed Coach London, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Hoo!
Little Cindy-Lou Hoo, who was not more than two.
She stared at Hoobaseball and said, "Hoobaseball, why,”
"Why are you taking our football team? WHY?"
But, you know, that Hoobaseball was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," ol Hoobaseball cried,
"This team just can't win, they've tried and they've tried"
"So I'm taking them home to my workshop, my dear."
"I'll fix them up there. Then I'll bring them back here."
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head,
And he got her some cheese and he sent her to bed.
Then the last thing he took Was their dear marching-band
Then he dashed from the stadium, himself, the old liar.
On their tailgates he left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of cheese left that anyone could fine
Was a speck that was too small to taste with fine wine
It was quarter to kickoff... All the Hoos, still unknowing,
Had not even noticed, their passion, not showing.
Hoobaseball and supermutt, with their plunder in tow
Drove to Charlottesville Reservoir, to sink it below
"PoohPooh to the Hoos!" he was grinchishly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Football is coming!"
"They're just finding out! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Hoos down in Hooville will all cry BooHoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned Hoobaseball, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And Hoobaseball put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the grounds.
It started in low. Then it grew leaps and bounds.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Hooville! Hoobaseball popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Hoo down in Hooville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any marching-band at all!
He HADN'T stopped Football from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And Hoobaseball, with his Hoo-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came with out wine! It came without cheese!"
"It came without players, coaches or a pullover fleece!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then Hoobaseball thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe football," he thought, "isn't all about the score."
"Maybe football...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...in Hooville they say,
That Hoobaseball's small heart Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the dull evening light,
And he brought back the band! And the wine for the cheese!
And he, HE HIMSELF! Hoobaseball cheered on the home team!

Message was edited by: CU2013®

Message was edited by: CU2013®

Message was edited by: CU2013®

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am not gonna watch a horrible team. It's easy for you to watch a great team. If you went 2-10, trust me, you would feel the same way. It's not just the losing, it's the way they lose, with stupid clock management decisions from the head coach. I really think he is retarded or learning disabled. Not that there's anything wrong with that, however if that's the case he shouldn't be a head football coach. If he can't make correct decisions about how to use his timeouts (which every bozo fan watching can make)then how can he make correct personnel decisions, game strategy, defensive and offensive game plans, what plays to call against which defensive fronts. It is just so dame frustrating. You see now why I don't watch when we are 1-5 to start the season. I will watch the first half of the season, but I refuse to watch if the team is still incompetent at the half-way point of the year.

"How Hoobaseball stole Football"

TL: DR***

Is that what you say to legal docs that ewe sign also??***

My motto is: Sign it now, worry about what it says

i'm not sure they give it that much thought.***

Re: My motto is: Sign it now, worry about what it says

Well DUH

Same.***

Brilliant***

Good stuff! How long you been working on this baby?***

Let's just say that Fridays are pretty slow at work....***

Re: Good stuff! How long you been working on this baby?***

he can't call me baby....

Re: Deer Hoobaseball......

Re: Deer Hoobaseball......

You stole my line!

Re: Deer Hoobaseball......

You have way too much time on your hands...***

Shows that I'm obviously not a student anymore

Re: Deer Hoobaseball......

Unreal!!! Very talented writer you are. However, I still

Interesting to hear a fans perspective

Oh, I know you were just having fun. Very entertaining!***

Ok now you're just bragging ;)***

Hey, just trying to get some credit for my hard work!***

Think London should go?

Well, he's losing his recruiting momentum because he loses

Re: Deer Hoobaseball......

Epic!***

Dude, you killed it!!!! +1

Somebody TD'd this?

It wasn't me, I promise***

Pretty sure it was that

isn't that the coot that called out crump?***

Yes it is. But since he's a coot he's immune to

are you suggesting crump <3 him some coot?

I will let the fax

Huzzah!***

thanks, rev!***

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